Santiago16 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Perhaps we would be better in some Brave New World where we takes drugs to cure all our ailments and emotional needs. As someone interested in the monastic life and monogamy I have often wondered whats "better". There are many great monks, many bad, same for marriages. Best do what you can with what you've got, whether it is a difficult relationship or loneliness. Don't you think famous people with their harems of groupies don't also get lonely? Loneliness is about boredom and being alone can encourage one to see the good in everything (nature, friends, acquaintances etc etc). Being in a relationship can be utter hell if you feel you are in a straight jacket. Oh, you need a spouse (generally) to have a family of your own. Otherwise I would be all for permanent solitude with the occasional 'friendship'. Thanks for reading this S 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 "...before you can be happy with someone else." How true is this? Its just not very true for me. Im happy and have adapted to being single. Now its to where not only am I happy to do activities alone,I prefer doing things alone. Ive also had an influx of prospects. An ex tried to come back, then another guy who has known me for years decided he wanted to date me. Those incidences happened within days of each other. There are also two guys I like. One of them I like very much. I guess this is bringing out my anxiety. Anyone else feel like this? I wonder why the 'universe' would give someone something they dont need. I think someone has to be a little unhappy with being single to want to date. I don't agree completely, because that's like telling a hungry person they can't eat unless they are happy with themselves. I think it is a natural human experience to want to be partnered.....with the right person. On your wondering, I still believe the universe gives you what is supposed to happen. The energy colliding maybe meant something more for someone else, and you were just part of the catalyst. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I don't agree completely, because that's like telling a hungry person they can't eat unless they are happy with themselves. I think it is a natural human experience to want to be partnered.....with the right person. On your wondering, I still believe the universe gives you what is supposed to happen. The energy colliding maybe meant something more for someone else, and you were just part of the catalyst. That's pretty deep, and you may be right because I obviously am not the beneficiary. One guy said he hopes that one day he can be the man I need him to be. After like 6 years he has decided he wants to date. It's a little late, but I'm sure he can be a better man for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It's not true at all. If a person is right for you then his mere presence in your life can help turning everything around. I met my first boyfriend during a very unhappy time, with family problems and lots of doubt about my future. He unknowingly helped me get through it having fun, making me laugh and being tender with me. And he never judged me or patronised me, not in the slightest. And when you start feeling happy with one aspect of your life, then you gain more strength, and the other aspects get better too. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It is better to be unattached than unsuitably matched. I don't think people are ever suitably matched as everyone in their own individuality has something different about them. There WILL be the good and the bad, and I think the problem with people tend to now want some kind fantasy where ALL things are honkey-dorie and living in some kind of Utopia of a relationship. People tend to really find relationships disposable and any even minor argument, people walk out of it and say, "Guess we weren't suitably matched." I mean, if the person was a alcoholic, drug user, gambler, abuser, etc, I can understand walking out, but some people are just breaking up over minor scuffs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) I don't believe it no. Some people are single their whole lives and other people have constant attention until they are on AARP. The problem with 'dating advice' and 'dating psychology' is that it's dished out as 'one size fits all'. It's not like that. Figure out how you fit in life, figure out what makes you happy and then go from there. You could be happy forever alone or you could be happy with an endless string of partners. I'd also add that nobody is completely happy or unhappy at one given time. I'm really happy right now because it's basketball season and I enjoy watching basketball. When it's over, I'll be less happy, because I don't have that to give me joy, and I might start wishing I had a girlfriend. Life is kinda simple like that. Edited March 12, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Dang, I kinda wish I could be unhappy single. I realized it's been 6 or 7 years since I've even brought any one to meet the parents. I've been single for 2 years in May... I feel bad because dudes on ls want to date so bad. IA there are negative side effects to being single. For me that includes getting into the habit of being single and filling up my time with activities. I don't have much free time nowadays, and guys are coming out the woodworks. That last sentence... so true. I recently created a profile on a dating site. Mostly to see if I would at 50 still get some interest from men my age. In no time 3 dates and all 3 wanted to see me again (even though I never heard from one again so I guess that was the typical liar). The others were really disappointed that I did not want to see them again. During my next dating round I really wanted a second date and could not get one for the life of me. Now I feel that I am actually too busy to have a relationship and now all of a sudden guys want to have second dates with me... But to be honest, when I just arrived on the dating sites I got quite a few reactions but now I am there for more than a month, it looks like noone even visits my profile. I guess a lot of guys put maximum 49 years as preferred age... I have in any case decided to join a singles' group and will maybe subscribe in a matrimonial agency because online dating is too much hit and miss to my liking and there are not enough quality guys on the datingsites. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Yup, and some of the guys who are coming out of the woodorks rejected me in the past. I guess they feel the interest in waning. It's like they are trying to board a train just before it rolls away, except Ive already rolled away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I definitely prefer to have a partner in my life. But not just a partner. It has to be someone with whom a relationship works really well. My single life is not so dreadful that I will get together with just some guy in a mediocre relationship. I try to make the best of it and I am doing a pretty good job at it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I am having a hard time trying to understand this thread. Typically people post here with their problems. In this case you seem to be perfectly happy being single and in complete control of your life. You should stand up to be an example for the rest of us to follow. If you are worried about your pursuers and their feelings, they will get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I kind of disagree with it... I don't think it is possible to happy alone unless you are naturally solitary and even then, there's usually a reason why that behaviour became habitual and preferred. My childhood was happy because I had my parents and brother and lots of friends; their companionship, support and love made me happy. At school, my friends kept me happy. Now, my boyfriend is a huge source of my happiness. His love and protection make me feel strong and supported. He is like my buffer when the storms hit and I for him. Even Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs says that we need love FIRST before we experience esteem and self-actualisation. I don't think this love NEEDS to be romantic but think about it; one of our biological needs is to reproduce. Whether or not people want kids or not, that drive to find companionship, family, reproduction, the urge to 'go on' is very human, even part of all animals and is a very strong call and arguably the only thing that gives life real meaning. I mean without love, all of the money and possessions and education don't mean much in an emotional sense. So although I think it IS important to feel CONTENT alone; to like yourself, live your life, be happy. I think true happiness comes from being loved and loving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnsonBaby Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I m absolutely fine living on my own I just miss being loved by someone I really like ,It seems like the men who really love me and appreciate me are the ones I m not intersted in . Weird how that works.i miss that infatuation stage when both people feel so blessed and in love . Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 It would be ideal and is a good thing but it is definitely a cliche. There are plenty of codependent people in relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I think it means the world is trying to tell you to stand on your own to feet. Then someone may come and might make you happy. I've been single for two years. Although I've been guilty just trying to date someone to find the one its not worth the drama of dating. I mean I am at the age where I want something serious. Most of my friends are engaged. I'm not going out just to date. If I don't feel a spark I'm not going to push it. I've wasted my time in trying to find the one. I'd rather be happy until the one finds me (through friends and such). I'm happy right now in my singleness. But one day I hope to have someone to share my life with. Link to post Share on other sites
EngnimaticResponse Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Dayum. Whats your address? Imma send you my mojo tomorrow. Meh. 37yo. No relationships. Last date was.... Dec 2001.. I think? Really tired of sleeping alone. Biggest issue? Consistantly attracted to women who would Probably date me, but already have a man. Edited March 27, 2015 by EngnimaticResponse Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Meh. 37yo. No relationships. Last date was.... Dec 2001.. I think? Really tired of sleeping alone. Biggest issue? Consistantly attracted to women who would Probably date me, but already have a man. Oh wow, that's a long time. So, I'm still in the same situation, except maybe worse. The other night, I was taking one of my lovely walks. Alone. It just didn't feel like a punishment. I'm an avid masturdater. I have even more going on which makes me want to date even less. I think maybe if I go back on painkillers I'll want to date lol I still feel like I should want to date, but i just...don't. Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I've always been single. There was long ago someone in my life for a short while, and I've dated to no real success, but I've lived alone (alone, no housemates) for 10 years now. Most of my friends (most, not all) have never lived alone. They lived with parents until they moved in with a partner. A few lived in houseshares for a short time before moving in with partner. They've mostly spent no real time single since their teens and are what I would call co-dependent on partners (their current or previous ones) to a degree I kinda hold in contempt. They're all married and mostly with children now. Their inability to be happy alone hasn't ruined their life. My very affirmed capacity to be alone hasn't helped me. The majority of people can't be alone. The howling void of their own company scares them. Those men and women who'll play up their rapidfire dating, love em and leave em, pump em and dump em attitude, don't need no man/woman... they're the most pathetic of all, in such desperate need of company they'll rush to the lowest denominator to guarantee they always have someone around. I'd dismiss the phrase out of hand. The people who can't be alone seem to be the ones driven to avoid it. Being truly happy alone means not seeking to change that. Why would you; your living space ruined, your phone blowing up, commitments, arguments, difficulties, pressures... if you're truly happy alone these things seem very stupid to take on. Only if you're faking being happy alone - perhaps because someone told you this phrase, or because saying you want to be alone is easier than telling people you have no dates - does stopping being alone look like any kind of goal to aim for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) Yes, but what happens if youre too happy being alone? I feel like I should date someone, but Ive become very happy doing what I want when I want. When you meet the right person, you will be willing to give that person some of your time. I think it's okay that nobody interests you right now. It's also okay to try dating for fun, no commitment. Edited October 16, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Meh. 37yo. No relationships. Last date was.... Dec 2001.. I think? Really tired of sleeping alone. Biggest issue? Consistantly attracted to women who would Probably date me, but already have a man. Yeah, I think at our age it's REALLY tough to "just be happy" if you're not that 'perpetual bachelor' type of guy who likes being alone most of the time, and knows how, and enjoys spending time, trolling for skanks so he can have a sex life (or just hookers it up). I'm 38, and overdue to get on the path to setting down (thanks, recession) and frankly, I don't get the whole, "Be patient, someone will find you when you're not looking and just being happy and living life". Not sure what the time frame is on that logic, but it better happen soon. Someone needs to explain the functionality of this. Link to post Share on other sites
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