walkingonair Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 So I dated this guy for 4 months.He was the one who usually always initiated contact.He came on toooo strong telling me that we should move in together and he wants to take me to California sometime so I could meet his family.I thought it was sweet but it scared me because we weren't even official and have only seen eachother about 15 times in those 4 months.In the beginning he always kept talking about his ex and how she left him 3 years ago after an 8 year relationship. He said she broke his soul and it was a bad breakup,he even wanted to commit suicide.I felt it was a red flag cause he talked about her a lot. He would also always comment on other women's boobs and butts right in front of me and I always pretended like I didn't care.Then I realized he was doing that on purpose due to his low self esteem and I guess he wanted a reaction out of me. Soon after he told me that I'm the first girl that he talked about with his family And friends in a long time And how he keeps bragging about me to his friends and family.We did have a good time together and he was always so romantic and always wanted to hold my hand like he would always reach out to hold my hand while we're walking on the street. Things seemed good between us. Then I stayed over his place for the whole weekend.I usually stay over one night But this was 3 days after I got on the train to go home he texted me first and just said some funny things and then asked if I got home safely....this was actually the first time he ever asked me if I got home safely.I thought it was sweet.The next day I ask him about what I should be for Halloween cause he wanted to take me to some party with his friends.And then he texted and said its best we stop dating,the other day I realized there's no spark.I like you but not that special like.You're perfect and beautiful and you'll make one lucky guy the happiest man in the world.btw the week before he said this I invited him to my dad's birthday and he agreed to go, he seemed excited to meet my family for the first time and kept asking me about who's gonna be there and all that stuff and the day I left his place he said I'm gonna go to the birthday. I was so hurt:( Everything was so good between us ,when I stayed over his place he kept asking me what I was gonna be for Halloween and that we're gonna go to that party and a day later he suddenly doesn't feel a spark.Guys is this really about not feeling a spark?I feel like he has a lot if issues from his past relationship and he's afraid of things getting serious between me and him.(((I have gone no contact for two weeks now and haven't heard from him:(Could it be because he got scared abouy the upcoming birthday ans meeting my family too?
mammasita Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Not sure about being a commitment-phobe, typically those guys will meander in and out of your life for YEARS never committing fully. This guy though, is just immature and doesn't know what he wants. Beware of people that move at warp speed. They are the ones that disappear just as fast. 2
writergal Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Oh I think you did date a commitment-phobe. He displayed some of the known characteristics of cp's: future faked - when he talked about taking you to California to visit his family. came on strong too soon - telling you he wanted to move in together with you. He said and did all the right things to come across romantic - told you that you were the "first" girl he talked to his family and friends about. Played the sympathy card - made himself out to be the victim of his ex-girlfriend so you'd empathize with him and boost his ego and give him lots of adoration. Played the seduction/rejection game with you - suddenly out of the blue once he hooked you emotionally and you'd fallen for him, he rejected you via text, (which is cowardly behavior) "its best we stop dating,the other day I realized there's no spark. I like you but not that special like.You're perfect and beautiful and you'll make one lucky guy the happiest man in the world." Commitment-phoblic guys love to chase and string a woman along until she succumbs to his charms and mind games, before he rejects and dumps her. And you never see it coming, even if you know the signs to look for, because commitment-phobic guys are . 1
Author walkingonair Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Thank you for your feedback guys.I was an idiot for not taking those red flags seriously.I knew there were tons of red flags but i continued seeing him.I feel so hurt,worthless and not good enough.I can't sleep,eat and keep thinking about what i did wrong and what's wrong with me:'(I did so much for tbis guy,showed him love ,even bought him stuff:/
writergal Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Oh trust me, it happens to the best of us (unfortunately). The worst thing you can do is blame yourself and dwell on it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed him. But his intentions were disingenuous from the start, so what could you do? I tend to trust people until they give me a reason not to. Maybe that's not always wise but it's who I am. What can I do? Reframe this situation as a learning experience and don't take it personally. It's not about anything wrong that you did. 1
mammasita Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Ditto @ writergal......I've been there too. Don't let it get you down OP. Be glad that you were only with him for 4 months - BULLET DODGED. 2
writergal Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Bullet dodged is right Mammasita! Amen to that! A commitment-phobic's M.O. is always the same, "Love 'em and leave 'em." 1
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