Should I worry about this other guy?

[juanito14]

So my girlfriend and I have been going out now for 5 months. We both love each other, but sometimes I get worried. I already know I have an insecurity because the last two girls I dated both cheated on me and lied about it, and the thing was I trusted them at the time. Those events ruined my view on trust. Over time with this new girl I’ve learned to trust again and let down my walls. There is this one other guy that texts her somewhat often though. She tells me that they are like cousins since its her older brothers best friend and she met him through her brother. I guess over time they have gotten close. I’ve asked about him before and she told me I have nothing to worry about and it’s not like that, she even showed me a small amount of her texts. They were talking about the traffic and ended the text with kill yourself, nothing necessarily romantic but at the same time she showed me a very small amount of the texts. I should note that she has openly told me her phone and facebook password, the thing is I don’t want to ruin our level of trust by abusing that. She has never lied to me when I ask her something, at least that I know about and tells me she has nothing to hide, but can sometimes seem a little distant. Never when we are actually hanging out, but when we communicate over the phone. She showed me a video today he sent to her phone yesterday about homeless people and also told me that he can get her a job at the place he works, where obviously, she would be working with him. Is this just my insecurity coming out with this guy texting her or do I actually have a reason to be worried? I feel like I’m overreacting, but I don’t want to get hurt again.

 

Also I have seen two other guys text her, not very often though. Both have called her babe to which she didn’t respond to. But I guess one used to be her boss and apparently they were texting yesterday. She openly told me about it and talked about the texts that were visible, like the one where the guy said they should catch up some time and she said of course, but then told me in person was never gonna happen. They hadn’t texted before that since her and I started talking so I can’t hold that agaisnt her. She used to party, but after moving back home with her parents has really grown up and mellowed out and seems to be mature.

 

If this is just me being insecure, what can I do to help clear my head of this? I don’t want it to ruin our relationship which I know it can.

[Redhead14]

So my girlfriend and I have been going out now for 5 months. We both love each other, but sometimes I get worried. I already know I have an insecurity because the last two girls I dated both cheated on me and lied about it, and the thing was I trusted them at the time. Those events ruined my view on trust. Over time with this new girl I’ve learned to trust again and let down my walls. There is this one other guy that texts her somewhat often though. She tells me that they are like cousins since its her older brothers best friend and she met him through her brother. I guess over time they have gotten close. I’ve asked about him before and she told me I have nothing to worry about and it’s not like that, she even showed me a small amount of her texts. They were talking about the traffic and ended the text with kill yourself, nothing necessarily romantic but at the same time she showed me a very small amount of the texts. I should note that she has openly told me her phone and facebook password, the thing is I don’t want to ruin our level of trust by abusing that. She has never lied to me when I ask her something, at least that I know about and tells me she has nothing to hide, but can sometimes seem a little distant. Never when we are actually hanging out, but when we communicate over the phone. She showed me a video today he sent to her phone yesterday about homeless people and also told me that he can get her a job at the place he works, where obviously, she would be working with him. Is this just my insecurity coming out with this guy texting her or do I actually have a reason to be worried? I feel like I’m overreacting, but I don’t want to get hurt again.

 

Also I have seen two other guys text her, not very often though. Both have called her babe to which she didn’t respond to. But I guess one used to be her boss and apparently they were texting yesterday. She openly told me about it and talked about the texts that were visible, like the one where the guy said they should catch up some time and she said of course, but then told me in person was never gonna happen. They hadn’t texted before that since her and I started talking so I can’t hold that agaisnt her. She used to party, but after moving back home with her parents has really grown up and mellowed out and seems to be mature.

 

If this is just me being insecure, what can I do to help clear my head of this? I don’t want it to ruin our relationship which I know it can.

 

You should never "worry" about someone else being in the picture. It will be what it will be. Frankly, even if she is drawn to someone else, there isn't really anything you can do to make her stay. What you can do is continue to be the person she fell in love with and let her see you that way. If you start to be possessive or obviously insecure, it will push her away. From what you've said above it's not really clear that's she's cheating or thinking of cheating. Are there other things going on that are reallly causing your insecurity -- have you sensed her pulling away? If she has pulled away, let her have the space she needs and is taking to think about her situation. If her bond with you is strong enough and if she is thinking of cheating or going with someone else, she will think long and hard about it. Just let things be for a while, don't bring all this up again for a while if at all. If it becomes more obvious a problem, then you can address it in a non-confrontational way. Try to relax.