g_3491 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) So basically I have been seeing this guy a couple times a week for the past 5 months. Usually on a saturday evening and all day sunday.? I guess you could say we were casually dating. He was loving and caring and fun. We became really good friends and when we were together, I felt so happy and respected. He was the first man I was involved with, who made me feel, what we had was not purely sexual but more. When we first met, he explained to me that he had got out of a 6 year relationship last year and that he had a huge party trip with all his friends around america at the end of the year and I kind of gathered just from this, that he probably wasn't looking to commit to anyone, anytime soon. However! I enjoyed him so much as a person, i continued spending time with him, when he had free time. It was kind of the perfect gig for him, he got the benefits of having a girl there, that he really liked and enjoyed, but didn't have to commit to. It was all on his terms. What started in the beginning as happiness and fun, turned into anxious feelings more often then I would of liked. I was unhappy with how little I was still seeing him after 5 months. I couldn't work out if once to twice a week was enough, when he literally only lived around the corner. I ended up explaining this to him one sunday, and he wrote me this big, wonderful message about how he understood where I was coming from but he was in abit of a weird spot in his life where he just needed to be able do his own thing for abit and not be in anything serious... then he went on to say I'm the first girl he has seen since he has been single that he has truly fell for and that he really did like me alot but he understood that I needed to do whatever i needed to do. I ended things, saying that I totally understood where he was coming from, but I needed to respect myself and get my feelings for him back in check. I then ended the coversation with a little personal joke and an X. I haven't heard from him, and I didn't expect to, with the way I closed the conversation... But I have regret still? I spoke to one of my best guy friends and he said that sometimes guys really just need a woman who will persevere through times like this. Should I have just waited till he fell even harder for me? I was so happy with him. It's only been a week since I ended it, but already I have so many questions. Will he call? Are we friends? Should I wait a few months down the track when he is back from his trip and rekindle? Should I forget about him altogether? Edited October 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
InsaneTrombone Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) It's really not up to you. He's in a iffy spot in his life at the moment and doesn't want to commit to anything. This isn't a sign that he wants you to 'persevere' through something. It's a sign that he would rather stay casual at the moment until he figures things out. 6 years is a long time to be tied down, im sure you can see why he isn't interested in settling down again so quickly. Edited October 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author g_3491 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Yeah, I totally understand that. That is what I said to him, in my response to his message. However, I guess I'm just feeling that perhaps I should of kept seeing him and just saw where things would go... I was worried however that I may end up hurt from that situation, as I felt no safety falling for him... But now I feel I have really just blew a flame out for nothing more than being afraid of what was in the dark, when perhaps there was nothing to be afraid of, and now I don't know where to go from here. Would it be wrong to contact someone in the future, after being the one to stop something that was all in all, a good and kind of amazing thing?
Author g_3491 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Yeah, I totally understand that. That is what I said to him, in my response to his message. However, I guess I'm just feeling that perhaps I should of kept seeing him and just saw where things would go... I was worried however that I may end up hurt from that situation, as I felt no safety falling for him... But now I feel I have really just blew a flame out for nothing more than being afraid of what was in the dark, when perhaps there was nothing to be afraid of, and now I don't know where to go from here. Would it be wrong to contact someone in the future, after being the one to stop something that was all in all, a good and kind of amazing thing?
Arieswoman Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I'm sorry, g_3491 but this wasn't going to work, because you weren't on the same page. He was happy with "casual", and he made that clear I ended up explaining this to him one sunday, and he wrote me this big, wonderful message about how he understood where I was coming from but he was in abit of a weird spot in his life where he just needed to be able do his own thing for abit and not be in anything serious... but you wanted more, and there's nothing wrong with that. a good and kind of amazing thing? Was it really? When he lived around the corner yet couldn't see you more than twice a week? It was all on his terms. Well, that's not my definition of "amazing". I needed to respect myself and get my feelings for him back in check Yes, you did and well done for doing just that. Yes, you made the right choice in ending things. No, you should not contact him again. Move on and be free to meet someone who wants more than a part-time lover, because that's what you deserve. Good luck. 1
Author g_3491 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 thank you. Really appreciate it. 1
annisk Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 No, you didn't. It's good that you did what you did. I admire that you have the strength, dignity and self-awareness to have done so. It's very admirable. You wanted more, and he couldn't provide that and that's neither your fault nor his. I can completely see where he's coming from as I just got out of a relationship myself. Brad Pitt could ask me out right now and I'd say no, and it doesn't have anything to do with him - it's because I truly do need to take as much time as possible to clear my mind and build myself as a person again I order for me to have a strong and functional relationship with someone next, when I'm ready. It's selfish, but we need to do it. Otherwise, it'd just be detrimental for both myself and whoever I get involved with. I wouldn't say you SHOULDN'T contact him. He might even contact you. Who knows. But if you still find yourself thinking about him a couple of months down the line, maybe give it a shot. I will say though with these things, it really is up to the other person. This is just a classic case of bad timing. Hope this gives you some perspective. Stay strong hun xx
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