JessieC Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Dear all, I have a problem here. I am 28. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Our relationship is strong and we even discussed things like getting married, buying a house etc. We seldom have any arguments and our relationship is considered quite stable. However…recently things changed when I started to get close with my crush in high school. 11 years ago I had a crush on this guy whom I really liked a lot.. We laugh so often and we had everything to chat about. We know each other for 15 years till today.. We know each others' family so well that we treat each other's family as our own.We got together for less than a month and broke up. (Which I have regretted it just because we were both so young and obviously not mature enough to be in a serious relationship "puppy love") After that, we both went separate ways and he got new girlfriends over the years and so was I. We still kept in touch occasionally but I must admit that everytime I see his photos with his girlfriend, I felt extremely jealous and unhappy. However, I still move on with my life and found my current boyfriend. Recently I just found out that my crush broke up with his girlfriend and is single again. We hang out and it seemed like things never even changed abit. We were just like meant for each other. If I have the chance I really wished that I could turn back time and stick with him till today. He expressed his thoughts to me (which he really wished that we could be together now). I have been thinking of him for the past few days and I just could not get him out of my mind.. I cant help but keep on texting him and looking forward to the next time we meet. I felt so sorry for my boyfriend (my boyfriend is a wonderful guy) I still love my boyfriend very much. However my crush is also a wonderful guy. I seriously do not know what am I doing now, and what do I want. Guys, what would you do if u were me?? Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) Dear all, I have a problem here. I am 28. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Our relationship is strong and we even discussed things like getting married, buying a house etc. We seldom have any arguments and our relationship is considered quite stable. However…recently things changed when I started to get close with my crush in high school. 11 years ago I had a crush on this guy whom I really liked a lot.. We laugh so often and we had everything to chat about. We know each other for 15 years till today.. We know each others' family so well that we treat each other's family as our own.We got together for less than a month and broke up. (Which I have regretted it just because we were both so young and obviously not mature enough to be in a serious relationship "puppy love") After that, we both went separate ways and he got new girlfriends over the years and so was I. We still kept in touch occasionally but I must admit that everytime I see his photos with his girlfriend, I felt extremely jealous and unhappy. However, I still move on with my life and found my current boyfriend. Recently I just found out that my crush broke up with his girlfriend and is single again. We hang out and it seemed like things never even changed abit. We were just like meant for each other. If I have the chance I really wished that I could turn back time and stick with him till today. He expressed his thoughts to me (which he really wished that we could be together now). I have been thinking of him for the past few days and I just could not get him out of my mind.. I cant help but keep on texting him and looking forward to the next time we meet. I felt so sorry for my boyfriend (my boyfriend is a wonderful guy) I still love my boyfriend very much. However my crush is also a wonderful guy. I seriously do not know what am I doing now, and what do I want. Guys, what would you do if u were me?? So your boyfriend knows you've been hanging out with this guy? Or you haven't told him? If you haven't than already your moving on from him & he deserves better before something happens between you & your crush. You don't want to end up cheating on him, since it seems that's highly likely what will happen judging from your comments. Thinking about it you should end it with your boyfriend since he deserves better since it's clear that you like this other guy more since it's likely your doing all these things behind your boyfriend's back. And if it doesn't work out between you & your crush I certainly hope you don't go crawling back to your boyfriend. Edit: Those bold words say everything that you like your crush more than your boyfriend. Edited October 29, 2014 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Dump the BF and try a casual relationship with your old flame. You are not ready for a serious relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yup. Under these circumstances you're not ready for marriage/buying a house or anything else regarding a long term commitment with your current BF. You're undecided, that means your current BF does not clearly "win" against all other options. This in turn means your leading him on, keeping him around as an option. Most likely because you're worried about being alone. Break up and find yourself, before you try a serious RS again. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I feel so sorry for your boyfriend and for the new guy too. Does your boyfriend know you are hanging out with this guy? Something tells me that he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Our relationship is strong Let me stop you right here. You are on a cheating forum miss, and you are talking about falling for some other guy. Do you honestly feel it is best to begin this tale by talking about how "strong" your relationship is? Just food for thought! Now, let us delve in: (Which I have regretted it just because we were both so young and obviously not mature enough to be in a serious relationship "puppy love") Why do I get the feeling you still are not mature enough for a serious relationship? But okay. We were just like meant for each other. If I have the chance I really wished that I could turn back time and stick with him till today. So again, you realize you more or less began this post talking about how strong a relationship you had. You realize having these thoughts about another man..directly contradicts that, yes? Just checking to see if you are aware of this. I felt so sorry for my boyfriend (my boyfriend is a wonderful guy) I still love my boyfriend very much. However my crush is also a wonderful guy. Oh I see, you love your boyfriend..but your crush is also totally awesome. Can you explain to me how you love one man and yet crush on another? I am loath to call your crush a man because a man wouldn't mess around with someone who has a boyfriend, but maybe you are into boys? Some women are into boys and not men, so..more food for thought. I seriously do not know what am I doing now, and what do I want. I think you know exactly what you are doing, you just lack the guts to be honest with your boyfriend about it. Guys, what would you do if u were me?? First leave your boyfriend, you don't know what love is so why waste his time? You could also date your crush, but if you care about the guy why would you want him to date a cheater? Since you are totally emotionally cheating on your boyfriend, and what honest nice guy wants to be with a cheating female? Ask yourself what kind of guy does, and then figure out if that is the kind of creep you want. If it IS then, date your crush. But still, dump your boyfriend so he can find better. Then you can bask in how wonderful and awesome the creepy crush is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessieC Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 So your boyfriend knows you've been hanging out with this guy? Or you haven't told him? If you haven't than already your moving on from him & he deserves better before something happens between you & your crush. You don't want to end up cheating on him, since it seems that's highly likely what will happen judging from your comments. Thinking about it you should end it with your boyfriend since he deserves better since it's clear that you like this other guy more since it's likely your doing all these things behind your boyfriend's back. And if it doesn't work out between you & your crush I certainly hope you don't go crawling back to your boyfriend. Edit: Those bold words say everything that you like your crush more than your boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't know anything about it. I just felt bad if I were to let go this relationship because..we have gone through so many things together.I am afraid that I will make a wrong decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You already made the wrong decision. You allowed yourself to get close to someone while you are already in a relationship. Tell your boyfriend the truth. Leave him. As the other poster said just go have casual relationship. You are not ready for a real relationship yet. People that love there partners and are in a relationship don't go hanging out with a past crush and talk about interment feelings. Just make sure you tell your boyfriend the truth so he knows who the real person you are and he can make the best decision for him. Your crush is going to love finding out this part of you on his own. Clay 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RemainUnchanged Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 the ol' wanting to have the cake and eat it too.. classic.. your boyfriend sure is lucky he didn't marry you.. let him find someone who is worthy of his time and won't screw him over in the future. we know what a nightmare divorce/family courts are for men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 My boyfriend doesn't know anything about it. I just felt bad if I were to let go this relationship because..we have gone through so many things together.I am afraid that I will make a wrong decision. You already made the wrong decision by doing what you did. You shouldn't be in any relationship at all at the moment. Your misleading both your boyfriend & this other guy. How would you like it if your boyfriend was meeting with another woman behind your back, like your doing by meeting another guy. If this guy finds out you have a boyfriend while talking to him he's going to be completely turned off if he has any morals. I mean seriously, what the hell are you even doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 My boyfriend doesn't know anything about it. I just felt bad if I were to let go this relationship because..we have gone through so many things together.I am afraid that I will make a wrong decision. I really hope you end up without one or the other. Then maybe you can grow up a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jack20 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 The fact that you are hanging out and talking to some ex/crush jacka** just means that you don't love your boyfriend. Leave him so he can find someone that actually loves him. You would throw away a 6 year "supposedly strong" relationship for some lame crush from years past? It was never strong to begin with if you are communicating and having feelings for someone else. If you are in a relationship, STOP TALKING TO OTHER GUYS! You aren't ready for a real relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessieC Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 You already made the wrong decision by doing what you did. You shouldn't be in any relationship at all at the moment. Your misleading both your boyfriend & this other guy. How would you like it if your boyfriend was meeting with another woman behind your back, like your doing by meeting another guy. If this guy finds out you have a boyfriend while talking to him he's going to be completely turned off if he has any morals. I mean seriously, what the hell are you even doing? the crush actually knows that I have a boyfriend. I hang out with him but we were in "friend zone" except for our feelings towards each other. Nowadays I even imagine my future with him, or my boyfriend. I know I am indecisive and sound immature. I just don't know how to deal with it. There is a feeling of "responsibility" towards my 6 years boyfriend and I feel bad if I were to let go this relationship..And I thought i know what is best for me until my ex crush is single and contacted me again. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 the crush actually knows that I have a boyfriend. I hang out with him but we were in "friend zone" except for our feelings towards each other. Nowadays I even imagine my future with him, or my boyfriend. I know I am indecisive and sound immature. I just don't know how to deal with it. There is a feeling of "responsibility" towards my 6 years boyfriend and I feel bad if I were to let go this relationship..And I thought i know what is best for me until my ex crush is single and contacted me again. Well, he's just as bad as you than if he's willing to go out with you while you have a boyfriend. He should respect your relationship, but obviously he isn't. So he doesn't even seem like relationship material either. Guarantee you it won't work out with this guy. It might last for a little while, but I seriously doubt it'll last longer than 6 years. You're already emotionally cheating on your boyfriend by going out with this other guy behind his back. You really need to end it with your boyfriend, and probably keep it casual like other posters here said with the other guy since it doesn't seem like your ready for a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 the crush actually knows that I have a boyfriend. I hang out with him but we were in "friend zone" except for our feelings towards each other. Nowadays I even imagine my future with him, or my boyfriend. I know I am indecisive and sound immature. I just don't know how to deal with it. There is a feeling of "responsibility" towards my 6 years boyfriend and I feel bad if I were to let go this relationship..And I thought i know what is best for me until my ex crush is single and contacted me again. You do know what you're supposed to do. You just don't want to. You want the security of your boyfriend, but you don't love him nor do you really find him more attractive than this crush. You want it both ways. Please call it like it is. You're bored of the relationships and you got the Grass is Greener mentality. If you want help at least own up to what you're actually doing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 You do know what you're supposed to do. You just don't want to. You want the security of your boyfriend, but you don't love him nor do you really find him more attractive than this crush. You want it both ways. Please call it like it is. You're bored of the relationships and you got the Grass is Greener mentality. If you want help at least own up to what you're actually doing. This as well. It's so obvious, but obviously she's going to deny it. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 This as well. It's so obvious, but obviously she's going to deny it. Because the idea of being "lonely" or "loyal" doesn't matter because she's entitled to being happy. No one is entitled to being happy. We're entitled to the pursuit of it. Meaning: Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you should. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Because the idea of being "lonely" or "loyal" doesn't matter because she's entitled to being happy. No one is entitled to being happy. We're entitled to the pursuit of it. Meaning: Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you should. I don't think she should get with this other guy or stay with the boyfriend. The crush seems like scum to still pursue her knowing she's still in a relationship. Wouldn't surprise me if they already had sex but she just didn't mention it in her post. She just says "we hangout". Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I don't think she should get with this other guy or stay with the boyfriend. The crush seems like scum to still pursue her knowing she's still in a relationship. Wouldn't surprise me if they already had sex but she just didn't mention it in her post. She just says "we hangout". "We hangout" is usually girl code for "I screwed this guy" Been on the receiving and giving end of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessieC Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Sometimes I felt that I am scared to make a wrong decision because of the "familiarity" feelings towards my current boyfriend. He is really good to me and I really loved him all this while. To make the side of my story clearer...my boyfriend is from another state and I have been away from home all these years (I still go home every now and then to my own state where my family and friends are) Sometimes I wonder..what are the things that I'm seeking for in a relationship.. I even thought that If I were to choose my hsc, i might be happier with my life (where I can see my families every day) And not like the current situation where seeing my family is a not very convenient. (However before this, this problem seemed not to be an issue as I thought everything can be overcomed) Does that makes me sound like I'm very selfish? I know it did.. Before my hsc contacted me recently, I already have my plans with my current boyfriend on our future, marriage etc. But now I'm totally confused with what I actually want. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 "We hangout" is usually girl code for "I screwed this guy" Been on the receiving and giving end of that. Exactly. The way she speaks about him, I highly doubt nothing happened. She at the very least made out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Sometimes I felt that I am scared to make a wrong decision because of the "familiarity" feelings towards my current boyfriend. He is really good to me and I really loved him all this while. To make the side of my story clearer...my boyfriend is from another state and I have been away from home all these years (I still go home every now and then to my own state where my family and friends are) Sometimes I wonder..what are the things that I'm seeking for in a relationship.. I even thought that If I were to choose my hsc, i might be happier with my life (where I can see my families every day) And not like the current situation where seeing my family is a not very convenient. (However before this, this problem seemed not to be an issue as I thought everything can be overcomed) Does that makes me sound like I'm very selfish? I know it did.. Before my hsc contacted me recently, I already have my plans with my current boyfriend on our future, marriage etc. But now I'm totally confused with what I actually want. Be blunt with me. Is the "spark" in the relationship with your boyfriend gone? Do you feel this spark with this crush? And you should be honest. You're only human and we make mistakes, but you have to try to be honest if you want real help. Did you make out, kiss, or have sex with this other man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessieC Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 I don't think she should get with this other guy or stay with the boyfriend. The crush seems like scum to still pursue her knowing she's still in a relationship. Wouldn't surprise me if they already had sex but she just didn't mention it in her post. She just says "we hangout". Nope we just hang out for lunch and drinks. I have mentioned clearly we were in 'friend zone' - physically Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Sometimes I felt that I am scared to make a wrong decision because of the "familiarity" feelings towards my current boyfriend. He is really good to me and I really loved him all this while. To make the side of my story clearer...my boyfriend is from another state and I have been away from home all these years (I still go home every now and then to my own state where my family and friends are) Sometimes I wonder..what are the things that I'm seeking for in a relationship.. I even thought that If I were to choose my hsc, i might be happier with my life (where I can see my families every day) And not like the current situation where seeing my family is a not very convenient. (However before this, this problem seemed not to be an issue as I thought everything can be overcomed) Does that makes me sound like I'm very selfish? I know it did.. Before my hsc contacted me recently, I already have my plans with my current boyfriend on our future, marriage etc. But now I'm totally confused with what I actually want. Answer this honestly. Did you make out with your crush? Even if you didn't sleep with him? You have no reason to lie, since we're all strangers on here so just answer it honestly. And yes you are selfish. Saying it to you straight out, harsh but true. This crush of yours doesn't seem like such a great guy if he's willing to see you knowing your in a relationship. He's not respecting the relationship at all. What makes you even think this is even going to last with him? Your going to throw away 6 years because of this. But like the other poster said, you just want the security of your boyfriend, but are unsure what type of security you'll get with this other guy. You definitely find your crush more attractive, and probably like his personality more, but you keep thinking will it last? But in my opinion you already screwed it up with your boyfriend by emotionally cheating on him. Edited November 1, 2014 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Nope we just hang out for lunch and drinks. I have mentioned clearly we were in 'friend zone' - physically I'm not sure you know what friend zone means, or you're just a good liar. Friend zone means one or both parties sees the other person as just a friend, you CLEARLY do not. And neither does he. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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