500430729 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I’m in my late 20's and I started seeing this guy who I’ve known for a couple years as acquaintances. The first date was great. Right off the bat we were comfortable, laughing and had a ton to talk about. We spent the whole night together hopping from place to place, and ended up having a dance party at his place after. We made out and I slept over, but no sex. He took me for breakfast the next morning. The following day he invited me out for drinks, but I was busy and declined. We decided to meet another night and met up at a bar later that eve. Another fantastic time, spent the whole night together and I slept over again. We were making out and he stopped, looked at me, and said “I like you.” I told him I liked him too. We didn’t have sex, he didn’t seem to want to. Again, we had breakfast the next day. That night he invited me out with his friends so I went after I was finished what I was doing. I knew he was going away for a week so I figured I would see him off, hoping to keep the lines open while he was away. He didn’t contact me after a few days of being away. Totally understandable since he’s on vacation, and he’s busy. But I wanted to see how he was doing, so I texted him. I got a reply a day later. It was a light conversation that ended pretty quickly. Makes sense, since he’s on vacay. However, he’s been back in town for a couple days and I haven’t heard from him. I’ve decided to wait for him to reach out to me, since he’s the one who’s been gone. So I have a few questions: – do his previous actions indicate that he is interested in me, beyond just saying so – why hasn’t he contacted me since he’s been back, since he seemed to make quite the effort before he went away – is it wise for me to contact him in the next day or two, just to see where our convo goes? - is he taking a few steps back from saying he likes me? I would like to see him again, but I want to approach the situation carefully so no one gets hurt in the end
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Don't play these games with waiting to see what he does and all that. If you like the guy, you had a good time with him, call him. I never known a guy who was angry that a girl he "liked" called him and not calling him will not make him like you any more than he already does. What's most important is that you like him. When I like someone, I just go for it.
mysteryscape Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 He may be wondering if he wants it to go further. If you contact him now, may scare him away. If you don't hear from him in a couple of weeks, probably time to forget it. You may be so annoyed by then that you'll want to move on. But if he misses you, despite his misgivings, you'll probably here from him before then. 1
therealmsfree Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 This is a common tactic by guys. They come on hot and heavy, don't pressure you for sex, seem cool and fun to be around and then...BAM! They switch it up. I don't have the answers to your questions, but what I do know is this... A man will treat you like an option if you allow him to. At the first sign of his decreasing attention you should completely BACK OFF. Sometimes, the best way to get the attention of someone is to stop giving them yours. I know its hard, but men like to do the chasing. If he really wants you he will resurface and then you play it cool calm and collected. Don't answer his texts for a whole day, just like he did to you. Don't call him for a few days out of the week. I'm telling you this approach works. It has for me and now we've been together for 5 years. ~Ms. Free 6
Author 500430729 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 well, i just texted him anyway. i thought, screw it. i want to do it so i will. all i did was say hi. he responded right away saying he was just thinking of me. i suppose i could have held off. what do you think?
Author 500430729 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 well, i just texted him anyway. i thought, screw it. i want to do it so i will. all i did was say hi. he responded right away saying he was just thinking of me. i suppose i could have held off. what do you think?
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 well, i just texted him anyway. i thought, screw it. i want to do it so i will. all i did was say hi. he responded right away saying he was just thinking of me. i suppose i could have held off. what do you think? You see, there you go. He was thinking of you. Sometimes guys are wondering if they should call to and it just takes someone with the guts and maturity to just say "screw it" and go for what you want to do. You did the right thing and I am sure he will feel more secure about you. You don't always have to make the move but be ok with doing it when you want to make the move. 2
michellew Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 You mentioned no sex on 1st and 2nd dates. What about 3rd?
Author 500430729 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 on the third date he walked me home because I had a busy day the next day. i didn't invite him in, and was kind of wondering if it hurt his feelings. we hugged and he went on his way. i texted him thanking for the invite and that his friends were fun. he said he wished i could have come to his place.
beach Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 He said he's thinking if you but didn't ask to take you out? Hmmm, ok then - wait and see if he makes effort. Don't initiate next. 1
Assasda Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I think holding off wouldve been the wrong idea. Good job texting him. Now set up something fun for you guys to go out and do
PogoStick Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I agree with contacting him. If that is too much to scare him away then he wasn't into you anyway. Some guys chase and some do not. Some like to know that the girl is interested. I will put some effort moving things forward with a girl, but if she drags too much then I'll move on.
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I agree with contacting him. If that is too much to scare him away then he wasn't into you anyway. Some guys chase and some do not. Some like to know that the girl is interested. I will put some effort moving things forward with a girl, but if she drags too much then I'll move on. I am wondering if the OP had not done much to initiate things such as the dates which could have made the guy wonder a bit or wanting to see more initiative from her end.
Georgia2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 This is a common tactic by guys. They come on hot and heavy, don't pressure you for sex, seem cool and fun to be around and then...BAM! They switch it up. I don't have the answers to your questions, but what I do know is this... A man will treat you like an option if you allow him to. At the first sign of his decreasing attention you should completely BACK OFF. Sometimes, the best way to get the attention of someone is to stop giving them yours. I know its hard, but men like to do the chasing. If he really wants you he will resurface and then you play it cool calm and collected. Don't answer his texts for a whole day, just like he did to you. Don't call him for a few days out of the week. I'm telling you this approach works. It has for me and now we've been together for 5 years. ~Ms. Free Even though your post was for the OP your advice also helped me. I will kept that in mind about guys in the future. 1
Georgia2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 He said he's thinking if you but didn't ask to take you out? Hmmm, ok then - wait and see if he makes effort. Don't initiate next. I agree don't text first next time let him initiate contact. Otherwise you will be chasing him. 1
ThisisIt606 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I'm in a similar situation OP. I went on 5 dates with this guy and then he went on vaca for 3 weeks both domestically and abroad. He said we could text while he was away. I initated texting twice, and he responded/asked questions/ sent me pics of his trip all nice and good. I suggested we go to this new movie theater and he said he'd love that. Anyways I got annoyed that I was initating while he was away so I backed off. No contact for 5 days. on the 5th day HE contacted ME (somewhat alarmed) and asked if I was OK with mult ???. He then gave me his email so we could message while he was abroad (texting wouldn't work). Since he gave me his email I sent the first one and we sent a few back and forth. Now he's back and I haven't heard from him...... I do want to see him again but I'm definitely waiting it out. I think that's really the best you can do at this point. He came back to me once, hoping he will again... but who knows? if he doesn't he just wasn't that interested. Better to know those things now than later. 1
Mrin Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 This is a common tactic by guys. They come on hot and heavy, don't pressure you for sex, seem cool and fun to be around and then...BAM! They switch it up. I don't have the answers to your questions, but what I do know is this... A man will treat you like an option if you allow him to. At the first sign of his decreasing attention you should completely BACK OFF. Sometimes, the best way to get the attention of someone is to stop giving them yours. I know its hard, but men like to do the chasing. If he really wants you he will resurface and then you play it cool calm and collected. Don't answer his texts for a whole day, just like he did to you. Don't call him for a few days out of the week. I'm telling you this approach works. It has for me and now we've been together for 5 years. ~Ms. Free As a guy I kinda disagree with this. It really depends on how you've been with him prior to him backing off. If it has been arms length then he may be backing off because he thinks it is a hopeless cause and will turn his attentions elsewhere. Why waste time and effort on something that isn't going anywhere. Signaling your interest is important especially the older you get. Men like to chase that's the truth. But we also like positive reinforcement and a sense that we just might catch the fox at the end of the chase... 1
therealmsfree Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Even though your post was for the OP your advice also helped me. I will kept that in mind about guys in the future. Hey! I am so glad my advice helped you. Let me know if you need anything else. I'm here to help. ~Ms. Free
therealmsfree Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 well, i just texted him anyway. i thought, screw it. i want to do it so i will. all i did was say hi. he responded right away saying he was just thinking of me. i suppose i could have held off. what do you think? What else is he supposed to say? You didn't do anything wrong to him. You guys had a good few dates and then he did a disappearing act. You said "hi" and he says something sweet like "I was just thinking about you". That's the hook line and sinker right there. Now... He has you wondering...Did I misjudge him? Did I jump the gun? Is there still hope? Could this turn into something? He should be the one thinking about you like this. He should be the one texting you a vague "hi" to see how you will respond. Not the other way around. ~Ms. Free
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