LordSquidworth Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Long story short... She left maybe March? She's a horrible communicator. Realized that. Started seeing someone a month later. Still is. Kept in almost daily contact with my after a month of quiet till round the end of July. After a few drunk calls I asked her what she wanted. She said she's "happy where she is" I had told her I didn't want to be friends a couple times. Got increasingly cold and I assume she picked up on that and left me alone... For a month till she texted seeing how I was. A month after that she calls. I wasn't doing anything and answered, curious what she wanted I guess. Normal hello, how are you. Teased me. Then asked if I wanted to meet (tomorrow morning, call was a week ago). Said thanks for answering, was about to cry when I hung up. Texted the other day and wants me to meet her at a park tomorrow morning. What is this? I've said I don't want to be her friend. I've told her she was a horrible person to me (and she calls the next day). I'll ignore her. Be cold and distant. She doesn't go away. I've accepted that I'm still in love with her and likely always will be. Was a girl I wanted to marry at some point. In some regards I know the answers. Figured id throw it out here to hear from others. I'm not worried about it. I've been going on 1-2 dates a week, what's whatever this is added to the schedule?
Mi7522 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Keep doing what your doing, be cold and distant she is starting to chase you and once she knows you're back she start all over again. Keep her at arms length and you'll figure out whether you want her back or not 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Keep doing what your doing, be cold and distant she is starting to chase you and once she knows you're back she start all over again. Keep her at arms length and you'll figure out whether you want her back or not No disrespect at all, but you're going to need to do more than this. You've told her you don't want to be friends, and that you basically want nothing to do with her. She isn't listening, but you're allowing her to contact you at the same time. I say "allowing" because you haven't taken the steps necessary to cut her out of your life and PREVENT her from contacting you. Change your number. Block/remove/delete every avenue she may have of communication. The only communication she should be able to have is coming to your residence or place of work. At that point, it's restraining order time.
loversquarrel Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 This girl sounds like poison. you stated she treated you horribly, go for it if you want more of the same. One other thing - I have been around the block and have experienced more than my fair share of this kind of woman. The one thing I learned was that a person can always act like they changed, but very VERY rarely ever do. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Keep doing what your doing, be cold and distant she is starting to chase you and once she knows you're back she start all over again. Keep her at arms length and you'll figure out whether you want her back or not I didnt hear that SHE ever wanted him back, so this plan is doomed from the start. OP, WHY in the hell are you still talking to her? 1
BC1980 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 A month after that she calls. I wasn't doing anything and answered, curious what she wanted I guess. Normal hello, how are you. Teased me. Then asked if I wanted to meet (tomorrow morning, call was a week ago). Said thanks for answering, was about to cry when I hung up. Texted the other day and wants me to meet her at a park tomorrow morning. I'm not worried about it. I've been going on 1-2 dates a week, what's whatever this is added to the schedule? I think meeting up with her is a little more involved than going on 1-2 dates with new people. I don't know why in the h*ll you would even consider meeting up with someone who treats you the way you have described. You say she won't leave you alone, but that is because you allow the contact. 1
Author LordSquidworth Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I didnt hear that SHE ever wanted him back, so this plan is doomed from the start. OP, WHY in the hell are you still talking to her? Haven't talked to her in a couple months. She sent a text a month ago, called a week ago which is when I answered to see what she wanted. I make no effort to contact. Couple months ago I got increasingly cold till she stopped contacting. I haven't made any effort to contact for probably > 6 months now. I think meeting up with her is a little more involved than going on 1-2 dates with new people. I don't know why in the h*ll you would even consider meeting up with someone who treats you the way you have described. You say she won't leave you alone, but that is because you allow the contact. 1-2 dates a week, not 1-2. Since the break up I've changed a bunch. Think of me now as a much more mild, but equally legendary Barney Stinson. Honestly, I think I'm just curious what she has to say. I'm a logical thinker, it's easy to shut emotions off. With that, I don't always understand these sort of things because they're emotionally driven. I do allow the contact. Im naturally nice, hence I decided to be increasingly cold till she stopped calling instead of completely ignoring. Partially was the best I could do. I'm just puzzled why still contact. It's been 8+ months. Given what I've said to her (you're bad person, I don't want to be your friend) and a couple months of quiet time, a phone call to see if id meet? Keep doing what your doing, be cold and distant she is starting to chase you and once she knows you're back she start all over again. Keep her at arms length and you'll figure out whether you want her back or not I know that routine. I've used it before. Certainly works. This time though, I had pushed her away because I was tired of stuff. I had gotten a new job, and new wardrobe, etc. Was time to chase all the other fish. I'm a good looking successful guy, had no time for it anymore.
Early Bird Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I know that routine. I've used it before. Certainly works. This time though, I had pushed her away because I was tired of stuff. I had gotten a new job, and new wardrobe, etc. Was time to chase all the other fish. I'm a good looking successful guy, had no time for it anymore. That's the spirit, dude. Your head's in the right place. Keep it up
SoThatHappened Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 She sent a text a month ago, called a week ago which is when I answered to see what she wanted. Why answer? You're complaining about her contacting you, but you keep allowing it. Honestly, I think I'm just curious what she has to say. Why? You've said that you don't want anything to do with her. Again, you're allowing this to happen, but complaining about it at the same time. It's like complaining that you're miserable in a relationship, but not doing anything to break it off. I do allow the contact.Good. You recognize that you're allowing it. Now stop allowing it so you can quit complaining about it. I don't mean to come across as a jerk. Just calling it as I see it. If you don't want her to contact you, stop her from doing it. It's that simple.
BC1980 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I know that routine. I've used it before. Certainly works. This time though, I had pushed her away because I was tired of stuff. I had gotten a new job, and new wardrobe, etc. Was time to chase all the other fish. I'm a good looking successful guy, had no time for it anymore. In what sense has it "worked"? Getting her to text you? To meet up with you for some vague, undisclosed purpose? You're still not in a relationship with her.
Author LordSquidworth Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Why answer? You're complaining about her contacting you, but you keep allowing it. Why? You've said that you don't want anything to do with her. Again, you're allowing this to happen, but complaining about it at the same time. It's like complaining that you're miserable in a relationship, but not doing anything to break it off. Good. You recognize that you're allowing it. Now stop allowing it so you can quit complaining about it. I don't mean to come across as a jerk. Just calling it as I see it. If you don't want her to contact you, stop her from doing it. It's that simple. At no point have I been complaining. Merely fuels conversation that might produce insight into the workings of be female mind. In what sense has it "worked"? Getting her to text you? To meet up with you for some vague, undisclosed purpose? You're still not in a relationship with her. I meant I've used that "tactic" I suppose you can call it in the past and am familiar with it. Not using it in this instance.
LifeNomad Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) I would say theres a time when a person knows they messed up and have real regret and remorse, only u know this girl and know if she plays games she might be playing a game but if its not like her to ask then maybe she feels true remorse, if u feel confident enough and good enough that if the worst possible scenario u can think of occurs and u feel u can come out of the situation cool and collective, then go for it. But if u fear u might relapse under worse scenario and get lured easily then stay away. There is no right or wrong way to approach this, it doesnt mean anything will happen, just take it easy and if u go, live in the moment, dont talk about the past, nor the future, live in the moment. Edited October 29, 2014 by LifeNomad
Author LordSquidworth Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I would say theres a time when a person knows they messed up and have real regret and remorse, only u know this girl and know if she plays games she might be playing a game but if its not like her to ask then maybe she feels true remorse, if u feel confident enough and good enough that if the worst possible scenario u can think of occurs and u feel u can come out of the situation cool and collective, then go for it. But if u fear u might relapse under worse scenario and get lured easily then stay away. There is no right or wrong way to approach this, it doesnt mean anything will happen, just take it easy and if u go, live in the moment, dont talk about the past, nor the future, live in the moment. That's probably it. I'm curious what she has to say. I'm not expecting/counting on/looking for anything. Just sort of going with the flow. If she can flat out say something like that, it's a huge change for her. If she can't, then she hasn't changed. Her biggest downfall was a complete lack of communication (while blaming me, but it's hard to communicate with a bad communicator). It was essentially the root of all the problems/everything negative that happened. **not to say I'm the best communicator** Purpose of this thread is just to generate Possibly insight into the female mind. I haven't had many relationships, as the few I've had have been long. Everything's a learning experience.
LifeNomad Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 We all wanna have insight to the female mind, so if u do go in a smooth detective type manner, we'd appreciate a full report 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Purpose of this thread is just to generate Possibly insight into the female mind. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: I think we've all been trying to get that insight for hundreds/thousands of years! I don't mean a single woman on this forum. Every single one of you is the cat's pajamas in my view OP, maybe you weren't complaining about her contacting you, but if it's throwing you off and making you upset, just realize there's something you can do about it. I personally think you get a "hit" out of it, like a drug. I think we all do, which is why a lot of us keep certain avenues of communication open... just in case. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else. However, if it's keeping you in limbo or bothering you, take some steps to prevent it. Then, if she truly, 100% wants you back, she will beat down your door instead of texting/calling every once in a while. You'll know for sure what her intentions are at that point.
Author LordSquidworth Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) I personally think you get a "hit" out of it, like a drug. I think we all do, which is why a lot of us keep certain avenues of communication open... just in case. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else. I think you might be on to something... We all wanna have insight to the female mind, so if u do go in a smooth detective type manner, we'd appreciate a full report She wanted to apologize. Couple weeks earlier she had "mourned the relationship" and wanted to say sorry for her part. She made sure to mention she's happy where she is (and mentioned she lost 10 pounds, I'd guess depression probably since started living in her sisters room at her parents). She cried a bit. We talked for a couple hours. I explained I was still angry with her. That her words really mean nothing. It's actions that hurt me, you can't undo that hurt with words. She brought up "we loved each other too much, we both kept trying in conflicting ways and not communicating properly". She picked up that I've changed. If she was only good at one thing in the relationship, it was reading what was on my outside (ie. can tell if I'm smirking or rolling my eyes on the phone 100%). She mentioned wanting to be my friend. I told her she should know better, we'd never be friends. She said she knew that, was worth a try. As I left she said she'd never bother me again.... That lasted 1 day short of two weeks... woke up with a text this morning. It feels like a confidenceless attempt at "hi". However, if it's keeping you in limbo or bothering you, take some steps to prevent it. I also got numbers from two new girls today. Love the girl, but I'm tired. Edited November 11, 2014 by LordSquidworth
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