scarface Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Ok my story begins a few weeks ago with this girl i met at work. We kind of flirted a little and after we got off i asked her if she wanted to get a quick bite to eat and she said sure. We instantly hit it off...we talked for like 2 hours until the wee hours of the morning. Anyways we have been on a few dates but now i am confused. We seemed to click so well together but now she says that she sees me as "just a friend". I told her that it probably wouldn't work out if that was the truth because i thought more of her than just a friend. That was like a week ago. I havn't gotten a concrete answer out of her since...i try calling so we can talk but i don't know if she just isn't there or sees my number and doesn't pick up. We txt msg all the time but have never had time to talk 1 on 1. Why is she keeping me around if she knows how i feel? If she thinks that i am going to try to restrain myself just because i know she said she just wants to be friends then she is crazy. She also seems to have alot of guys around her in the same situation as i? is she just so insecure with herself that she feels the need to have 9 guys hanging around her wanting her so badly but refusing every one? or does she actually have feelings for me but is afraid to show them? what do i do? i cannot get her off my mind and i always want to be with her....but it is always kind of weird when we do hang out...like i cannot read her at all. i don't know...im hoping that LS will rescue me once again
purple21 Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 hmmm - sorry man don't know for sure - i'm in the same boat just he's a guy maybe - she is just too afraid to start a relationship right now but wants to sting you along - that's how i'm feeling it sucks - i guess the only thing is time will tell
mehim Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 if she said she only wants to be friends, then she does, and you should understand that. if you dont cant see her as only a friend then dropped and move on. i say this because thats how the guys that r usually interesetd and im not, i tell them this, and they just tell me stirght out, that they dont want to be just freinds, and from there no one contacts the other, story is done and over with, as simple as that.
Author scarface Posted March 13, 2005 Author Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by mehim if she said she only wants to be friends, then she does, and you should understand that. if you dont cant see her as only a friend then dropped and move on. i say this because thats how the guys that r usually interesetd and im not, i tell them this, and they just tell me stirght out, that they dont want to be just freinds, and from there no one contacts the other, story is done and over with, as simple as that. sounds so much simpler when you are on the other end of the deal....
bebegal Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 I am a girl who plays these games myself when a guy is interested in me and I just want to be friends. I hate to say it but if we say we just want to be friends we say it. We wouldnt want to take the chance that the guy we are interested is going to take off once he hears these words the reason she texts messages is to keep you around but if she really liked you-the two of you would talk on the phone. If she were talk to you now she knows the conversation would either lead to you discussing the idea of being more then friends OR hanging out again.. two things she does not want. However--if I did not even want to be a guys friend I wouldnt even text--but i do text guys who i want to be my friends nothing more. She is stalling-- hoping that the text messaging will keep you around for a bit-she prob enjoys talking to you at work and all but just wants to be friends. Havent you ever enjoyed someones compnay but just as a friend??? well men dont get the point and lots of times when we tell you we just want to be friends you guys take off--so if she keeps you a little bit interested you will still hang around. Well-- hope this helps. Any other questions?
tokyo Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Bebegal saved you from my more blunt answer. I can only agree with her. You want to talk with her and discuss why she isn't in love with you and tat makes her feel uncomfortable. She also probably too nice to cut off contact with you completely, because she thinks that would hurt your feelings even more. But if you don't feel that this is what you want, then I recommend that you back off and let some time pass. You're not achieving anything now by insisting on a relationship or an explanation. By the way, it's not your problem if she's hanging out too much with guys, she's free to do what she wants.
Author scarface Posted March 13, 2005 Author Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by kooky She also probably too nice to cut off contact with you completely, because she thinks that would hurt your feelings even more. bullhonkey...stringing me along with the hope of something more is more hurtful than just telling me straight up she doesn't like me. its like torture...like starving a cat and always holding a little piece of food right in front of its nose.....just ****ing shoot me already
tokyo Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by scarface bullhonkey...stringing me along with the hope of something more is more hurtful than just telling me straight up she doesn't like me. its like torture...like starving a cat and always holding a little piece of food right in front of its nose.....just ****ing shoot me already Well, I told you how I see it, I did not say that I think it's the nicest or best solution. She may not have realized that your feelings go that deep after such a short time.
Pocky Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by scarface bullhonkey...stringing me along with the hope of something more is more hurtful than just telling me straight up she doesn't like me. its like torture...like starving a cat and always holding a little piece of food right in front of its nose.....just ****ing shoot me already You're not a cat and you are capable of controlling your own behavior. If you dislike the way she treats you then don't allow her to treat you this way. From my view it doesn't look like she's stringing you along at all. It looks like you can't get the hint. She said she only wanted to be friends. How more straight up does she need to be?
Fun2BMe Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 I get asked out a lot but don't have the courage to straight out say that I am not interested in them when that is almost always the case because I am very picky and few guys, even nice smart ones, really get me interested in them. Like most girls, I might be indirect or even answer no but sometimes for the guy it is hard for him to believe that I am really not into him due to his feelings being so strong. That's how life is. It is hard to find someone who returns the feelings in the same amount that you feel for them. This is my opinion of the situation.
Fun2BMe Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Only when things aren't going your way!!! You'll feel differently once a girl you're into returns the feelings
tokyo Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by scarface life sucks...then you die Would you like to date a girl who has this attitude? I tell you something, back off with grace and without resentment, that leaves a much better impression than leaving in anger. If she had some interest in you, you will impress her with the maturity with which you handled the rejection. If you continue you bugging her about the whys, she's very likely to think you are a wimp or a jerk. She might be impressed, but still not want to date you, but at least you will know that it's not because you turned her off with your angry behavior. It's really not attractive when someone freaks out after he gets turned down and I know that it's hard and hurts when someone is not interested in you as you want him.
Author scarface Posted March 13, 2005 Author Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Would you like to date a girl who has this attitude? I tell you something, back off with grace and without resentment, that leaves a much better impression than leaving in anger. If she had some interest in you, you will impress her with the maturity with which you handled the rejection. If you continue you bugging her about the whys, she's very likely to think you are a wimp or a jerk. She might be impressed, but still not want to date you, but at least you will know that it's not because you turned her off with your angry behavior. It's really not attractive when someone freaks out after he gets turned down and I know that it's hard and hurts when someone is not interested in you as you want him. im not really bugging her about it...im bugging you guys but it doesn't make me feel any better
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Why is she keeping me around if she knows how i feel? Because she can, and she knows that no matter what you say or threaten otherwise, that you aren't going anywhere. Once a girl gives the guy the 'just friends' talk and he sticks around anyway, then that is a perfect opportunity to use the guy for dates/money/support - whatnot. Its not really friends. Its getting what you want from a guy without having to actually lift a finger physically or emotionally in return in any way/shape or form. As soon as you start expecting some reciprocation or demand explanation, she'll be history - as this whole thing is about her and what works for her, not you. Hanging around and being her 'friend' isn't going to make her want to date you - if she were at all interested in dating you, she never would have given you the 'friends' talk. You'll have to be more firm next time. She knows that she can avoid the question by avoiding you, but she also knows you aren't going anywhere so its no big deal. You'll have to get her face to face, and let her know that you are interested in dating - NOT 'just friends', and then ask her not to contact you in any way, shape or form if she's not interested in dating you. Then cut her off cold. If she wants to date you, she'll FIND a way to contact you. Think of how desperate you are to contact her. If she wants to contact you, she'll be the same way and find a way to reach you. If she doesn't, then you'll have your answer.
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