LDJ143 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Hello all. I've been reading LoveShack forums and threads for the past 2 months, and I must say that I'm very grateful that there's a community willing to be supportive to one another in such a dark time. Unfortunately, my situation is very complex and though most breakups share the same dynamics, I could not find a similar situation on the site thus far. So, I've taken the liberty to compose my situation in very in-depth fashion. I will organize it very well and make it easy to follow, but it will be lengthy. I will use aliases on the off chance that my ex stumbles upon this thread (wouldn't that be embarrassing?) I am open to any opinions or advice from anybody, but please respect the fact that I've already implemented NC and I've studied these forums for the past 2 months....thus all conventional advice (work out, try new things, socialize, date other girls, play it cool, don't beg, etc) has been hammered into my brain and should be considered second nature. I am on Day 11 of NC and show no signs of slowing down. Without further ado.... I met Kelly at a school sporting event in 2012. I was a senior in high school (17 years old) and she was a freshman (15). We went to rival schools 7 miles from each other. We were both with our respective friend groups, and only shared conversation because I was friends with one of her friends. I made her laugh a few times but shook off any temptation to court Kelly because she was 3 grades below me. She friended me on Facebook the day after, and we would sporadically (every 2-3 weeks) chat on FB. The conversations were very genuine. We talked about politics, life, and just joked around with each other because we are both jokesters at heart. When I went through a bad breakup in June of 2012 (only a month relationship, but it hit me hard regardless), she helped me out a bit with words of encouragement but it never developed into anything. I still did not know Kelly very well, but our FB conversations carried on until I got into another short term relationship in September 2012. I had landed a internship writing for the local newspaper, so I had decided to stick around to take community college classes instead of going off to University like I had initially planned. After the short term relationship ended in September, I was absolutely shattered. This other girl (we will call her Becka) dumped me after 3 weeks and never gave me a reason why, which bothered me beyond depth. My alcoholic mother (I was living with my father and step mom and didn't see her much) was going through several rehab stints and my friends had all gone off to Uni, so I felt very alone for 2-3 months. My life consisted of ditching class and working 2 jobs (my internship and waiting tables) while dealing with depression. I stayed in contact with Becka and we eventually become very good friends in December 2012. While I was at a party (I've never been much of a drinker; it was maybe the 2nd or 3rd time getting drunk in my life), I randomly decided to message Kelly on FB and ask for her number. At the time I was becoming quite the pickup artist, and had 2-3 other girls interested in me, and Kelly knew this. After a month or so of talking to Kelly every single day, I decided to ditch the other girls in favor of her. Kelly and I had our first date in March of 2013, (we wanted to go out for dinner and a movie but her parents were really strict), eating pizza at her house while watching Netflix. It went really well. The spark was there, and the age difference (26 months) didn't really matter much to me because she was attractive, we shared the same interests, and got along really, really, really well. She was different from most high school girls: she didn't care about popularity (even though she was the captain of her dance team and very smart and pretty) and craved independance. The relationship went really solid for a month. We met every single Wednesday (my only night off from my two jobs) at her house and went out a few times. Her parents (she was living with her mother and step father) took a liking to me instantly, and I had a leg-up with her mother because she had been friends with my father back in the day and admired my ambition and writing skills. In April of 2013, my mother passed away unexpectedly. This is where things got kind of messy. I had been a stern Christian since the age of 16, and Kelly admired this because she was seeking for a higher power and had decided to convert to Christianity after being with me for a month. My mother's passing led me down a dark path; I went away from my faith in anger (still believed in God and Jesus, but I didn't have the desire to follow the Bible anymore) and I didn't properly deal with it; I shifted the emotional attachment towards my mom unto Kelly, and that caused me to become a little more clingy and needy than I would like to admit. Kelly tolerated it for the entire summer of 2013 because she understood (her mom is also an alcoholic, and bipolar, and a pothead, and just a really damaged person in general), but things got rocky at the 6th month (Sept 2013) mark. We lost our virginities to each other in July, and battled the temptation every day. She enjoyed sex very much but her newfound Christian faith caused her a lot of guilt. The summer of 2013 was very kind to us: we made a lot of memories and I grew closer to her family. Her mother started to let me stay the night at their house in the Fall of 2013, and that only increased the amount of sex we had. Unfortunately, my mother's passing turned into a fear of abandonment, and other psychological problems I had developed early on pushed me into a fetish of wanting Kelly to sleep with other people. I researched the crap out of this and found out that was relatively normal, and eventually I confessed this to Kelly and though stunned at first, she warmed up to it. The fantasy lasted for a few months, and I never guilted her into doing anything she didn't want to do. She was often conflicted about it; she wanted to try sleeping with other people but her self-respect was extremely high so I never made it happen. We talked about it a few times, but I slowly got over it; I had gone through other sexual fetishes and they all abaded after a month. When November of 2013 rolled around, I ended up hanging out with Kelly and one of her ex boyfriends (Jason). They had only dated for a couple weeks in 2012, and she had convinced me I had nothing to worry about. Jason was a high school dropout with a baby on the way and no job, so I believed her when she said that there was no threat. I also got along well with Jason as we are both writers (obviously, I'm the more successful one). As I was saying; we were hanging out one night (unsupervised; her parents aren't very strict after all) and Jason suggested that we share a drink. He poured us three Vodka sodas, and I later found out that he put twice as much Vodka in mine and Kelly's. Before I knew it, we were engaging in a threesome that I put a stop to before he could even penetrate Kelly (I had sobered up rather quickly, I can barely remember most of the night). Once Kelly sobered up, she chased Jason out of the house and we ended up having sex and going to sleep. We avoided talking about things the next morning, and never really discussed it. The fantasy had become reality to me, and I was disgusted with myself. That was the end of that. A few weeks later her parents had decided to leave town for a weekend, and left Kelly (17 now) home alone. Someone attempted to break into her house 20 minutes after I had left her house, and I rushed back and weeded through the cops at the scene and I stayed there to be with her through the night. The guy came back and tried to break in again, so I brought her to her dad's house across town and assured her that I would protect her. I attempted to track down the stalker myself, but to avail. At this point our relationship experienced a resurgence of some sort, as we ceased having sex and started to read the Bible together again. Kelly started to change though; she had established a social media account selling clothing, and was suddenly at the stage of her personality where she was absolutely convinced that her **** didn't stink, for lack of better words. She started nagging me about remote things (my choice in clothing, my tobacco habits, my music taste, etc). I stopped chewing around her (which I rarely did in the first place), and brushed my teeth nonstop so she would sense no remnants of tobacco. We started a blogging website together (she is also a writer), and I pulled straight A's in my first semester of sophomore year. At this point she was dreaming up our future; she wanted a high-class man (like Gatsby or Leo's character in Wolf of Wall Street), and was convinced that I was him; after all, I was writing for the biggest paper in our county and our blog site was taking off. The turn of the new year came around and things hit a low point once more. I started to smoke weed to aid my lymes disease (only after spending 2,000 dollars on medical bills to try to find a prescription or antibiotic that worked, none of them did). Despite the fact that her father grows weed, her mother and friends smoke it, she was still unsettled by me smoking it for pain and often changed her mind on the topic a lot. She even told me in private once that "classy people do cocaine, not pot." When I was hanging out with her guy friends (and she has plenty; but I knew for a fact that they were all friend zoned, except for Jason), she was always okay with me smoking with them, but I was rarely allowed to do it by myself or when I was with her only. I was still pulling good grades, and still developing good relationships with her family. Her father (far more strict than any other father of a girlfriend I've dealt with) allowed me to stay the night at his house after only one month of visiting her there (she moved in with her dad in February of 2014 to get away from her mother's antics). Her entire family (including her little brothers, whom I played videogames with a lot) adored me and my sense of direction. After all: I was writing a book, working 3 jobs (including my internship), and pulling solid grades in my community college classes. Her grandparents often invited me over without Kelly even being present, and her grandmother (a hair stylist), cut my hair for free every time I went to her even though I often insisted on paying her. Her grandfather even got me gifts during Christmas of 2013. In April of 2014, she won the local "Miss _____" pageant at her school, and her ego really started to bloat after that. Several of her fellow contestants came out after the pageant and slammed Kelly for being manipulative during the process. Other jilted ex-friends of Kelly came out of the woodwork to inform me of how manipulative and cold she can be, but I had not experienced this yet so I shrugged it off. We started planning heavily for our future around May of 2014, and she kept sending me pictures of all these million dollar homes she wanted along with the expensive outfits she wanted me to wear to show how "preppy and classic" we could be as a couple. I often went along with it because I wanted the same type of lifestyle, but I felt pressured by June of 2014 and we broke up and made up 2-3 times because she couldn't handle me calling her out on her mistakes. The break-up and make-up process came to a halt in July of 2014 when she went through my phone and found some texts I had sent to one of my female friends, calling her "beautiful" because she was depressed about her appearance and how she had no interaction with guys. The conversation was platonic to say the least: I just told her that she was "beautiful and smart and if I was single, I would not shut her out." Keep in mind; this girl had been crying and discussing suicide to me, so I did what I thought was best. Kelly took it as "cheating" and broke things off with me. We reunited a week later after my friends finally convinced her that I wasn't the cheating type (I never cheated on Kelly, or any other girl I've dated). The entire relationship was on life support for the next 3 weeks. Kelly had always been weary about me talking to other girls (Even Becka; who by now had a long term boyfriend and had even tried to extend a hand of friendship to Kelly). Throughout the entire relationship I had allowed her to go through my phone and Facebook on command, and the only time she had found something to be disgruntled about was the situation with my depressed and suicidal friend. There were a few other times that she found texts between my guy friends and I discussing sexual details (Kelly and I had started having sex again), but she only pretended to be mad and ended up admitting to me that she liked me "bragging about her." Alas, the final breakup took place a couple days after my 20th birthday in July. I had come over to Kelly's house to stay a full week (her parents were gone to another state for 10 days), and one night after work (I was pulling 70 hour weeks) I entered the house to find out that she had lost the movies I had purchased the previous day for us to watch. I simply muttered "Son of a bitch" and she got up from her seat and punched me in the chest. Her 17-year old step brother (who I had formed a bond with) was there, and just watched Kelly storm off. I walked upstairs to try to comfort her, but she got physical again so I shoved her onto the bed and told her to knock it off and that I wasn't angry about the movies; it had been a long day of work and I was just dissapointed. I told her that we could find something to watch on Netflix, but she kicked me out of the house for "physical abuse." Because I was low on sleep and dealing with a lot of stress (70 hour weeks and troubles at home will do that to you), I went to my car trunk and took a giant pull of Vodka from a bottle my friend had left in there. Once the alcohol set in, so did the depression and the self-hate (I hated myself everytime I drank because my mother died because of it), so I grabbed my pocket knife and started to cut myself out of anger. Kelly came outside and saw me, and went back into her house right away. I dropped the knife and tried to chase her, but she locked the door and I slept in my car. My good friend Teddy (who had become friends with Kelly and her step brother over time) came over the next day once everything cooled down to set things straight; I sat in my car all day because the door remained locl. Kelly told me that I was unstable and she wanted nothing to do with me, so I started crying (not on purpose) and begging her to just hear me out. Teddy suggested that we not talk to each other for 30-60 days (he was probably a LoveShack reader too), and reevaluate ourselves after that. Kelly agreed but was adamant that she would NOT be taking me back. I shared a moment of alone time with Kelly, and told her not to forget about me. Teddy and I left, and I was very distraught for awhile. As August rolled around I constantly battled with the depression of losing Kelly. I often texted her and broke No Contact, and every time I did she scolded me for all the mistakes I made in the relationship. She still agreed to meet me for coffee in 40 days, so I kind of ducked off the radar and laid low after I discovered LoveShack and the internet's various guides for getting an ex back. I had found out though shortly before the day we were supposed to meet that she had told Teddy she had no intentions of taking me back, and only agreed to see me to keep the peace. Out of desperation I called her and told her that if she was willing to see me for an hour, I would pay her 500 dollars. She obliged, and we went stargazing at the local chapel. She eventually said that she didn't want my money and that she missed me, and wanted to work things out. She also said that I would have to "work very hard" to get her back, but I was on the right track because I was very well-dressed that night and polite and soft spoken. Still, she hung firm to the fact that the relationship's undoing was completely my fault. Desperate to keep her around, I agreed and admitted to her that I was mostly at fault. The night following that, we decided to go see a mutual friend at a faraway hospital because she had just had her baby. Kelly messed up the directions and I got angry for a split second; saying some rude things (no swearing or durrogatory words, just frusteration), but calmed down after a minute. We ended up having sex on the way up to the hospital, but she told me to stop midway through (even though she initiated it.) While at the hospital, Kelly and Suzy (the one who had just given birth to Jason's second child, no less) requested me to go get them food, and I drove 60 miles round trip to satisfy their craving (at 2am nonetheless). Suzy (who is more of my friend than Kelly's) later told me that Kelly was considering getting back together with me, but was scared of my temper and anger. Suzy seemed perplexed because I had never shown those types of traits around her or anybody else. The following day, I decided to lash out at Jason for being a deadbeat dad, and he ended up calling the cops on me (Kelly's step father is a cop). Though Jason had no evidence of me doing anything illegal (the police report was thrown out right away), Kelly found out and confirmed that I was still unstable. She said that I had blown my last chance, and I responded by saying that I was sick of being drug through the mud and that I was at my wit's end. I said that I was going to kill myself, and she responded saying "not my problem." I drove the last of her belongings in my car to her house that night, and kissed her goodbye. Her father---who still thought we were together even though we had been broken up for a month---invited me to stay for dinner. I politely declined, and Kelly texted me after I left saying "you made the right choice." The following day I woke up to a text from Kelly saying that she still loved me and wanted to give me one last chance, but didn't want to hear from me for the next 6-7 days. I texted her once throughout the week to congratulate her on her new social media job (she got a promotion), and she didn't reply. On the day we were supposed to meet up, she texted me and said that her life was better without me and that she didn't want to try again. We met up regardless and I took her shopping in an attempt to appease her (bad idea, I know), and she told me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore. She told me that I was a good person and that she just had too much going on in her life to deal with a toxic relationship. I agreed, and she told me that she wanted me to take her out to dinner on New Years to try again. She insisted that I work on myself and move on from the relationship so we could maybe have a fresh start. She held my hand and kissed me, and went seperate ways. Three days later (I hadnt contacted her), she invited me over and had sex with me, kicking me out shortly after. I called her twice the next day, and she told me that the previous night was a mistake and that she was going to get a restraining order on me if I kept contacting her. I pled to her that we could just forget about the previous night and move on and meet up on New Years, but she told me that she wanted to cut me out of her life because I was toxic. She then went on a giant social media rant about me, and made fun of me because my life was 'going downhill" since the breakup, even though I had steered clear of posting depressing things or acting needy. I went into full NC and started seeing a counselor and working out. I didn't contact her at all, but she would always text me when she wanted to know if any of my tweets were about other girls (I never tried to make her jealous, I would just post funny screenshots between me and my friends; some of them female). She told me that she was still in love with me but I was toxic for her, but said we could friends one day. I tried to plead with her, but to no avail once more. I went back into NC on September 30. Her birthday rolled around a couple weeks later (October 10, 2014) and I sent her a text saying "happy 18th ," and she called me saying that she was dissapointed i didn't do anything "big" for her on such a big day. I told her that it was her choice to remove me from her life, and that I had no obligations to do anything for her. After all: she had threataned a restraining order against me. Just recently, we started to talk again as friends (probably two weeks ago), but we could never a conversation without her asking me if I was seeing other girls or telling me about all the ****ty things I did during the relationship. She was enduring some financial problems (she blew all of the money she had made during the summer on clothes and had a car payment to make, so she had to quit Dance in favor of work unless she found a way to make money). I offered her a job as assisting me with the production of my novel, and she accepted it. I thought things through that night and told her the next day that until she was able to move on from the relationship, we probably shouldn't be talking at all. She never replied. Five days later (all of which were NC), I felt free of the relationship and felt like I had moved on, so I sent her a text to re-offer her the job. She declined, and I proceeded to ask her about going out for pizza or Chinese to "catch up," because she had mentioned a week prior that she wanted to eventually become friends because we were friends before dating. She declined, and I kind of lashed out politely by condemning the way she constantly changed her mind. Here's where it gets really messy; I had met with Jason the same night because we had patched things up and agreed to work on a project together. He told me that because we were starting fresh, he wanted to clear the air on some things. He told me that Kelly had made out with him back in June and had claimed that her and I had broken up so he wouldn't feel bad about it (after the threesome, Jason and I remained friends once things weren't awkward anymore). I was furious and called Kelly and left a voicemail threatening to spread the news of her cheating in an attempt to ruin her image, and I was served with restraining order papers the next day. Included in the Afidavit were allegations of rape (no proof because I never raped her) and attempted murder (she had claimed that I had chased her around with the pocket knife I had cut myself with). It's been 11 days since i was served, and the forced NC has really caused me to do some healing. I have contacted a lawyer and she assures me that the restraining order won't hold up due to the lack of proof, but I'm still going to be 1500 dollars poorer after the entire process. So after I beat the order (hearing is in 2 weeks), I have come to a crossroads of what can be done. Obviously, the common sense decision is to never talk to Kelly again, but I'm very confused on standing firm to that decision. I have committed to three months of NC for myself (a lot less scary than trying to do permanent NC), and the past 11 days have been very up-and-down. I am attending church twice a week and I've found my way back to Jesus; I've been reading the bible everyday and filling my days with constructive activities (the breakup caused me to drop out of college, but I'm going back in January) such as writing my novel, working out, working a full-time job, and socializing with friends I've lost contact with due to the relationship. But for some reason, I feel like there's still a future for Kelly and I to be SOMETHING. Maybe it's the fact that I cried into her arms when my mother died (trauma bonding), or the fact that I feel like I will be much more mature and stable after 3 months and that will be enough time for everybody to calm down (her parents are livid with me because they believe the claims of rape and attempted murder). Still, I've laid out the pros and cons of Kelly as a person PROS ------- Very beautiful Ambitious Sexy Hardnosed Sociable Cons ------------ Insecure about my female friends Possibly cheated on me (Jason could be lying because Kelly denies it, and she could have done it just to get revenge on me for calling that girl beautiful) Manipulative Never willing to admit she's wrong.... I'm at a crossroads, as I said. She contacted Teddy the other day and asked how I was doing, and she's been creeping my Facebook and Twitter (after all, the restraining order says we can't be friends on either of those) and bashing everything I say. Because I've been tweeting bible verses and other uplifting and positive quotes, she has apparently been responding by tweeting things about how fake I am (I can't confirm or deny these things because I don't check her social media per the rules of NC. My friends simply tell me these things even though I don't ask.) Becka and my other close female friend Lacy have both witnessed the relationship first-hand, and keep telling me how toxic she is. Because they have no ulterior motive (both are in LTRs), I've been growing less and less fond of Kelly and seeing her for what she really is, but I still love and care for her very much. I can't help but guilt myself over her transformation, being as she started to show these negative traits about the same time I went away from my Christian faith. She has even blamed me for it herself. There's also allegations of abuse that I have to deal with on a personal level: she claims that I battered her several times throughout the relationship. Aside from shoving her onto the bed, the only times I got physical with her was when I snapped a pillow case at her when she was yelling at me (it didn't hit her), and I squeezed her leg a couple of times when she would corner me and start nagging me. I'm at a loss for words. I miss the down-to-earth girl I intitially dated, and can't help but think how things could have been different if I would have stayed true to my morals after my mother died. Her parents hate me now, along with her whole family (her little brother still likes me though, lol), and I can only imagine that the hate will increase when I beat her in court. Is there any hope of Kelly and I being on good terms again? Thank you for listening. I am open to any advice or comments. This is my first post so I'm sorry for going into extreme length. (Day 11 NC)
Downtown Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) LDJ, welcome to the LoveShack forum and thanks for sharing with us your very detailed and articulate story. My mother's passing turned into a fear of abandonment, and other psychological problems I had developed early on....It would be helpful if you would tell us what these "other psychological problems" are -- if you feel comfortable describing them to us. It also would be helpful for us to know whether your abandonment fear occurred only after your mother's passing -- or, instead, has been there since the age of 13, if not earlier. If it has been persistent, this fear would be evident in your being very jealous of your GF's interest in other guys. It also would be evident in your misinterpreting her actions or comments to mean she was seriously thinking about leaving you. A third thing that would be useful to know -- if that abandonment fear has been fairly persistent and strong -- is whether you also have a strong engulfment fear, i.e., a suffocating feeling (which typically occurs during or immediately after several days of intimacy) that you are being controlled by your GF, resulting in your need to push her away by starting an argument over nothing. I ask these three questions because I'm concerned that, despite all the outrageous allegations coming out of Kelly's mouth, she may have been right about one thing: her repeated claim that you are emotionally unstable. Granted, you describe HER as being the unstable one, which suggests she may have just been projecting her problem onto you. I nonetheless find the following statement about your own behavior to be very alarming: Once the alcohol set in, so did the depression and the self-hate ... so I grabbed my pocket knife and started to cut myself out of anger. Importantly, self hatred and self mutilation (e.g., arm cutting, head banging, and other self mutilation) are strongly associated with emotional instability. An important issue, then, is whether such unstable behavior and self loathing has occurred periodically over the years (since you were 13) or, instead, was a one-time event occurring only on that day you drank Tequila or only occurring right after your mother's passing. Kelly was considering getting back together with me, but was scared of my temper and anger.... The following day, I decided to lash out at Jason for being a deadbeat dad, and he ended up calling the cops on me.... Kelly found out and confirmed that I was still unstable. Again, it is hard to believe Kelly because she is an immature 18 year old who has falsely accused you of trying to murder and rape her. Yet, if she is right about your instability -- and if Jason is right about your anger being so great that he needed to call the police -- you may actually have an instability issue that warrants a candid assessment by psychologist. I went into full NC and started seeing a counselor.I applaud your decision to seek professional advice from a counselor. What level of training does he have? Oops, there I go again. That was question #4. Ideally, your counselor is a psychologist (i.e., has a PhD) -- or a very experienced therapist with a masters in psychology -- because spotting instability in 50 minute sessions held only once a week can be very difficult. Edited October 29, 2014 by Downtown
BulgarianBoy Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Man first of all please message me the second you get your book out. Despite having a Stat Test, Physics Test, and Thermodynamics Tests tomorrow here I am at 1:40 AM drawn to your story, unable to pull away from my phone until I read all of it. You can keep a reader very entertained, maybe you should think about writing a book about your life (much more interesting than anything that has happened to me hahaha). Now to actual response. Let me begin by telling you that you have been through a lot in your life and you should be proud of that! You haven't had an easy time, but despite everything you apparently kept going and you will achieve great things. Life is hard and some people get the short end of the stick sometimes, and many people on this forum would agree and can relate. I really admire your perseverance, going to college with 3 jobs is not an easy thing to do. I can barely do college on its own. Also on top of that to deal with the passing of your mother, which I am very sorry about (she is in a better place and I am sure she is looking after you) is something that can destroy even the strongest person. Yet, you kept going and are still going strong. I can definitely relate, as I had a close relative pass away a few months ago. As to your relationship with Kelly, I would ask you to reread your story a few times and try to pick up on some of the things that are really troubling about her. I know right now you put her on pedestal and cannot see her faults because you are in love with her, but time will lift the fog from your eyes. First of all, she displays very judgment character traits. You mentioned several times that she forced you to wear specific clothes and made you act in a way that made you a different person. Ask yourself this: would you want to spend your life with a person that respects you for who you are and with whom you are being true to yourself or do you want to be stuck with a person like Kelly that will always try to mold you into something that you are clearly not? Be yourself man, love yourself for who you are, only then you will be able to find true happiness and eventually true love. Another troubling thing I noticed with Kelly is her ability to overcomplicate situations and bring drama into your relationship. Those allegations of rape and attempted murder are completely unnecessary and a person that truly loves you or ever loved you would never do what she did. Heck, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, but I will never hope anything bad happens to her or would I do anything to threaten her social standing because I truly loved her at some point in my life. Furthermore, I do not think you see this from your fogged window, but that girl constantly treats you like shes better than you and the funny thing is that you are letting her do that. You are in no way lower than her in fact you are so high up there, she will never reach you. She says she doesn't want contact from you or for you to be in her life, yet she still expects for you to do "big" things for her birthday and do all those nice things for her. By doing that shes pretty much telling you that her life and happiness are more important than your happiness. You mention several times that she is the one that keeps calling you toxic, but from my point of view shes the one that is toxic. RUN AWAY FROM HER AND NEVER LOOK BACK. I know it hurts, especially since you have been with her for so long and you do genuinely love her. Isn't it funny how we are always attracted to the wrong people? I am usually one of those people that believes in hope and genuinely believe that people are good. I rarely believe in NC because I think that after being in a relationship with someone you share something special. In fact, I still love and deeply care for all of my ex girlfriends. I am not in love with them and I have moved on, but I do care about them and am thankful for their presence in my life. However, in your situation I will strongly recommend going NC FOREVER!!! This girl has tremendous issues that only an expert psychiatrist can solve. You need to cut ties with her and work on yourself. Hit gym, finish your book (reminding you to pm the title when it comes out so I can buy it), finish college, make new friends, and have FUN! From what you said in your story, you seem like an awesome guy, and I bet there are thousands of girls out there that will be dying to be with you for who you truly are and will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve. Go out and meet them! Also, don't beat yourself up for the relationship. Its clear both of you made mistakes and not only you like she is claiming. I have been there too, just like the thousands of helpful voices on this forum. Everyone makes mistakes and thats not a bad thing, it gets detrimental only if we keep repeating then without changing our faults. Embrace the break-up and once you are healed analyze the situation carefully. Make note of the things you did wrong, but also look at the things she did as well. Change the bad things in your behavior and that way once you meet "the one", as I call her, you will be your best self and you will make her crazy in love with you. Most importantly you will not lose her. Like others would tell you, you dodged a bullet! Be happy and stick to NC, no matter what she tells you or texts you. Your relationship with her is beyond toxic, gotta check my body's toxic levels just from reading the story. You will see that in a few months you will look at her different. You will notice her faults and yes they are a lot more than the ones you wrote in the "CONS" section. Well now it is 2:30 AM still having those tests tomorrow so I guess I will be ending this message Take care man!!! Wish you luck with everything, especially with college and your book!
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