rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Hey all, been dating this guys for a couple weeks now. He is very laid back and somewhat socially awkward actually. I am completely opposite of this and very outgoing and can talk to people fine. The problem is, we've gone on 3 dates all initiated by him, he's paid for each date, picked me up at my house, and been very chivalrous. I'm getting pretty frustrated with the fact that he hasn't tried kissing me yet. On our last date, a couple days ago, we were at his place watching a scary movie and I basically had to make the first move and sort of cuddled up against him during the whole movie. I would look over at him and say something hoping he would just go in for the kiss and get it over with, but nothing. I felt like I was giving the go ahead just by leaning up against him, he had his arm around me and stuff. Every other guy i've dated has taken my signs and ran with it. A part of me feels like he has never kissed a girl before, or is maybe a virgin. We are both mid 20s and it felt like I was in high school with how awkward it felt. When he dropped me off at my place I basically just gave him a kiss on the lips and a hug, but it was so awkward! Do you guys think I should ask him if he only sees me as a friend? He has gone so much out of his way for me, so it seems ridiculous to think that. Maybe's he's just nervous?
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Hey all, been dating this guys for a couple weeks now. He is very laid back and somewhat socially awkward actually. I am completely opposite of this and very outgoing and can talk to people fine. The problem is, we've gone on 3 dates all initiated by him, he's paid for each date, picked me up at my house, and been very chivalrous. I'm getting pretty frustrated with the fact that he hasn't tried kissing me yet. On our last date, a couple days ago, we were at his place watching a scary movie and I basically had to make the first move and sort of cuddled up against him during the whole movie. I would look over at him and say something hoping he would just go in for the kiss and get it over with, but nothing. I felt like I was giving the go ahead just by leaning up against him, he had his arm around me and stuff. Every other guy i've dated has taken my signs and ran with it. A part of me feels like he has never kissed a girl before, or is maybe a virgin. We are both mid 20s and it felt like I was in high school with how awkward it felt. When he dropped me off at my place I basically just gave him a kiss on the lips and a hug, but it was so awkward! Do you guys think I should ask him if he only sees me as a friend? He has gone so much out of his way for me, so it seems ridiculous to think that. Maybe's he's just nervous? I'll bet he's just nervous. I am currently dating a man who was just like this. However, after the sixth date, we were at our cars to go home and he just blurted out I want to kiss you so bad and turned red Wait it out a little longer. He'll crack if he really wants you
Author rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 I'll bet he's just nervous. I am currently dating a man who was just like this. However, after the sixth date, we were at our cars to go home and he just blurted out I want to kiss you so bad and turned red Wait it out a little longer. He'll crack if he really wants you Thanks for your reply! I just hope I didn't ruin it by kissing him when he dropped me off. It felt so awkward. He does get red in the face when he talks to me sometimes. I can somewhat tell he is nervous around me
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks for your reply! I just hope I didn't ruin it by kissing him when he dropped me off. It felt so awkward. He does get red in the face when he talks to me sometimes. I can somewhat tell he is nervous around me It's ok that you kissed him, believe me. He didn't recoil, did he? Nervousness is a sign of respect as well. But, keep this in mind too. That even though he respects you and is nervous around you, doesn't mean he doesn't only want the sex. I also dated a guy who was like this around me and when he did go for it, he prefaced it by saying . . . "hey, I'm not good with commitment, but I want to make love to you". Listen closely when he talks about his life/past. I had to tell this man, that we were not on the same page. He was all good with it. They may respect you and want to sleep with you too. It may be that if you are ok with it, they respect you enough to not treat you like dirt for having slept with them. It just means you were on the same page in terms of sleeping together without exclusivity or commitment. I doubt it happens often. This man may be the real deal. Go with it and enjoy.
Author rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 It's ok that you kissed him, believe me. He didn't recoil, did he? Nervousness is a sign of respect as well. But, keep this in mind too. That even though he respects you and is nervous around you, doesn't mean he doesn't only want the sex. I also dated a guy who was like this around me and when he did go for it, he prefaced it by saying . . . "hey, I'm not good with commitment, but I want to make love to you". Listen closely when he talks about his life/past. I had to tell this man, that we were not on the same page. He was all good with it. They may respect you and want to sleep with you too. It may be that if you are ok with it, they respect you enough to not treat you like dirt for having slept with them. It just means you were on the same page in terms of sleeping together without exclusivity or commitment. I doubt it happens often. This man may be the real deal. Go with it and enjoy. Thanks for the advice! I guess i've just never encountered a guy like him before. So you think I shouldn't say anything to him? Just go with it and see what happens? I just don't want to waste my time, ya know. I think next time we hang out i'll ask him what he is looking for
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks for the advice! I guess i've just never encountered a guy like him before. So you think I shouldn't say anything to him? Just go with it and see what happens? I just don't want to waste my time, ya know. I think next time we hang out i'll ask him what he is looking for A couple of weeks may be too soon in this case. He is giving you good indications that he really likes you. I would not put pressure on it yet. Just go out with him, enjoy yourself and don't get too emotionally invested. When he finally cracks/makes a real move, etc. then you can gently get into the conversation about what you both are looking for. If you can, I would let him speak first. It's a little tricky sometimes. If you reveal, for instance, that you don't want or won't have sex without exclusivity to him first, he may play upon that an say what you want to hear in order to get the sex. If he tells you first what he wants, then you go from there. In the meantime, listen when he talks about past relationships/how he feels about dating/women in general. Listen closely. But don't read into things either. Enjoy yourself, listen to your gut and have hope, not expectation. As for wasting your time . . . you never waste your time getting to know someone. No matter what happens, take something good from it, learn from it and move on with a better understanding of yourself, your wants/needs and get a better understanding of how different people are.
Author rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 A couple of weeks may be too soon in this case. He is giving you good indications that he really likes you. I would not put pressure on it yet. Just go out with him, enjoy yourself and don't get too emotionally invested. When he finally cracks/makes a real move, etc. then you can gently get into the conversation about what you both are looking for. If you can, I would let him speak first. It's a little tricky sometimes. If you reveal, for instance, that you don't want or won't have sex without exclusivity to him first, he may play upon that an say what you want to hear in order to get the sex. If he tells you first what he wants, then you go from there. In the meantime, listen when he talks about past relationships/how he feels about dating/women in general. Listen closely. But don't read into things either. Enjoy yourself, listen to your gut and have hope, not expectation. As for wasting your time . . . you never waste your time getting to know someone. No matter what happens, take something good from it, learn from it and move on with a better understanding of yourself, your wants/needs and get a better understanding of how different people are. Thanks so much for your advice! I will just go with the flow and see what happens! Really appreciate it!
jeffmeyers Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 If you're that outgoing and can talk to people fine, why does the timid fellow have to guess what you want through hints? I understand the conventions of dating, but you got yourself an awkward guy who may not know or may not be bold enough to play the part. If you like him and want to take this further then you have to take the lead
Author rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 If you're that outgoing and can talk to people fine, why does the timid fellow have to guess what you want through hints? I understand the conventions of dating, but you got yourself an awkward guy who may not know or may not be bold enough to play the part. If you like him and want to take this further then you have to take the lead Well that's why I kissed him!
Day.One Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Sometimes we're a little... slow (ie clueless) When I first met the lady who would eventually become my Wife, she had to throw me on the couch and have her way with me before i 'got it'! I caught on quick though! 3
Author rdet123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Sometimes we're a little... slow (ie clueless) When I first met the lady who would eventually become my Wife, she had to throw me on the couch and have her way with me before i 'got it'! I caught on quick though! well how many dates in were you guys when she did that? I don't want to come on too strong...
isisisweeping Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I know a good sign. Kissing him Gets the message right across.
Redhead14 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 If you're that outgoing and can talk to people fine, why does the timid fellow have to guess what you want through hints? I understand the conventions of dating, but you got yourself an awkward guy who may not know or may not be bold enough to play the part. If you like him and want to take this further then you have to take the lead While you are apparently more outgoing than your friend and you should always be yourself, pushing his comfort zone would not be a good idea right now. As time goes by and you two develop a closer relationship, he may become a little more outgoing as well. But for now, I'd ease into things. If he's that nervous/shy, he's not so nervous/shy as to not have asked you out to start with. He just needs time to make progress when he's ready. That doesn't mean waiting forever. It's only been a couple of weeks. If you like him, putting in a couple more weeks won't hurt.
Tik Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Here is what you do; 1) Go to your nearest airport hardware facility 2) By highly reflective fleuro taped orange cones and line them from the entrance of his house to the living room 3) Go to your local hardware store and buy some planks of wood 4) construct a cubicle with an openning for you to stand 5) Paint the booth with the works 'Kissing booth' in highly visible colors 6) For added help and to ensure a guy does not miss the cues up to this point (unfortunately guys can and will do), print and nail a 'how to' sign next to the booth. As long as you do not write it like those you get from ikea, you should be fine. Otherwise he may think the booth is actually string-puppet performance you're putting on for him. Good luck. Long story short; guys will miss every cue you give them even if you think it's more obvious than the sky is blue. 1
Darren2013 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 So much for the theory that guys wind up in the friend-zone for not moving in for the kiss fast enough. Well this thread proves that theory wrong. Obviously this guy is taking too long in her eyes to make a move and she has not friend-zoned him. The fact that she is frustrated proves she is still interested in him. If she had lost interest then she wouldn't care if he never makes a move on her.
Day.One Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 well how many dates in were you guys when she did that? I don't want to come on too strong... I'm not suggesting for a moment that you do. What i am saying is that you may have to kick things off.
Author rdet123 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Thanks for the replies everyone. I am definitely still interested in him, we get along great and I could see us having a good relationship together. I'm going to try and be a little more patient on our next date and see what happens. Going to try and make it clear that he CAN kiss me as well! Hopefully this next date things will turn around
Rachelmcandrew Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I think this one could go either way.. I used to always kiss guys on the first date, and once I went on two dates with a guy who failed to kiss me. I was so confused, but luckily after the 2nd one he texted me and said he didn't feel a spark, which explained it all. With the guy I'm currently seeing, we didn't kiss until the end of the 2nd date. He just asked 'Can I give you a kiss?' which I thought was adorable and worked. You could try that, I guess, if you don't mind being a bit forward. Also, how are the both of you and alcohol? If I were you, I'd suggest you go out for a few drinks. If shyness is the problem, this might remove one or both of your inhibitions.. I hope!! Best of luck hope the kiss is worth the wait! 1
GemmaUK Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Next date.. Stop him anytime you want and say 'I want you to kiss me right now.....right now' He needs a push...it works btw..... The great thing if he is a bit unsure is that you can train him up too.....I am melting thinking about times I have had this opportunity.....yayya! 1
Phoe Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Seems like he's just the type who likes to move slow. Not a bad thing at all
sid3 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Here is what you do; 1) Go to your nearest airport hardware facility 2) By highly reflective fleuro taped orange cones and line them from the entrance of his house to the living room 3) Go to your local hardware store and buy some planks of wood 4) construct a cubicle with an openning for you to stand 5) Paint the booth with the works 'Kissing booth' in highly visible colors 6) For added help and to ensure a guy does not miss the cues up to this point (unfortunately guys can and will do), print and nail a 'how to' sign next to the booth. As long as you do not write it like those you get from ikea, you should be fine. Otherwise he may think the booth is actually string-puppet performance you're putting on for him. Good luck. Long story short; guys will miss every cue you give them even if you think it's more obvious than the sky is blue. There really should be a dislike post feature. I'd really like the ten seconds I wasted reading this back. Oh well.
Keenly Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Thanks for your reply! I just hope I didn't ruin it by kissing him when he dropped me off. It felt so awkward. He does get red in the face when he talks to me sometimes. I can somewhat tell he is nervous around me You did just fine. Trust me, if he is what you say he is.
Keenly Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Next date.. Stop him anytime you want and say 'I want you to kiss me right now.....right now' He needs a push...it works btw..... The great thing if he is a bit unsure is that you can train him up too.....I am melting thinking about times I have had this opportunity.....yayya! Or just say "Hey..." and then when he looks at you just grab the chest of his shirt, pull him close, and kiss him again. I bet he makes a funny face. The face of trying really... really hard not to smile but failing at it.
Tik Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 There really should be a dislike post feature. I'd really like the ten seconds I wasted reading this back. Oh well. Oh have a bit of fun mate. The majority of people on this board is most likely too serious on dating and finding the 'one' hence why we're here posting essays about a loved one. It's funny when we accept that life has a way of working itself out and you continue to focus on yourself that would be great because ironically, when we don't think about girls, girls have a way of falling into our hands. And to the poster, you're living in the 21st century. If you want the kiss, go for it. If you want him to make the moves, tell him. There is nothing that sh*ts me more than a couple that you can see having a bright future but whom drag it down the drain because neither party is willing to open up and communicate to the other in case they are 'hurt' etc what not.
Day.One Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Next date.. Stop him anytime you want and say 'I want you to kiss me right now.....right now' He needs a push...it works btw..... The great thing if he is a bit unsure is that you can train him up too.....I am melting thinking about times I have had this opportunity.....yayya! Pure gold!
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