Just need to spew and ask for some advice - long post

[purple21]

Ahhh - need some of LS words of wisdom - posted about a month or 2 ago about a sort of FWB that made me crazy and have been lurking reading everyone's posts since - love this place. I'm gonna try to post more and help out others that I can as well.

 

Anywho - need some new advice - wasn't sure what section to post but I figured dating would be the best since it's part of the problem

 

update on sortof FWB - i chilled way out - we would email each other randomly - he texts me a booty call a couple weeks ago - i agree and ask when (sorry i was horny and figure i would have the fun since this wasn't leading anywhere anyways) and says later - all right then. Well i'm still waiting to find out when - how rude to do that to a horny woman. I texted him a few days later saying - no need to be a jerk, just being a friend. Of course the next morning I run into him at work which never happens - it's a huge place - and he tells me he got my message and it wasn't nice and we will have to talk about it - i just said um yeah since it was early and i was surprised to see him. So i emailed him saying i wasn't trying to mean it's just i don't like to be ignored. He just emailed - cool and told me about new music he was listening to. We texted some random things after that but that's about it. Out of lonliness and after a few glasses of wine i tested him last night saying hi - got a hi back - and then asked him if he wanted to get together Sat - but haven't heard anything back yet - i'm banking on it that i won't. But now I'm not upset about it like I would have been before - just looking to have a good time here and there with him since he is a lot of fun. If I ever hear from him good - if not - oh well.

 

Anyways - as that whole thing was unfolding and driving me crazy for a few months - i emailed someone from a online dating thing back in Jan (yeah I joined for a month to see what the deal was - my ex was meeting people on there). Anyways he emailed me back and we would email each other once in awhile but I didn't really think too much about it at first, i asked to meet after a couple weeks and he gave me the whole someday thing. However as time went by the emails became more and more. Yeah - and the funny thing is he also works at the same place i do - again in another dept so i don't really see him.

 

Well we would email me all day at work and then all night when we got home. We moved on to im'g all night. We logged hours online - i admit kinda weird but i liked it. I jokingly called him my email boyfriend. Yeah - after awhile at night our im's got a little sexual which was also fun. We eventually talked about meeting in person one week. A little background on him is that he works 12 hours a day, 28, and has a kid. So one weekend I get a msg Sat morning telling me that he has his kid but is free Sun or Mon night to hang out. Wasn't quite sure if he meant in person or not - so Sunday night we were im'g and i mentioned i went shopping got some beer and was gonna watch the oscars - he said that sounded good so i said you should come over and he suprisingly said yes and will be there in 30 mins. Eeks - so he came over and brought me a bottle of wine (very nice) and we hung out and watched the oscars - he use to be a comic so he was cracking me up the whole time - we had a lot of fun and hung out until 12:30 - it was Sunday night - we did fool around a little at the end - and joked since we talked so much online it was ok (no i didn't sleep with him). He kissed me goodbye and gave me his number. Then he emailed me when he got home telling me to sleep well. Oh I was in heaven - he seemed so nice and was so funny - had a great time (and a plus he was super hot).

 

Anyways dreaded Monday comes - and i got a few emails from him but weren't too flirty as usual. We also talked that night. I mentioned that i had a great time on Sunday and he just said yeah i was happy you laughed at my jokes or something like that. Tues - less emails - so at night i just mentioned something about hoping he wasn't scared off that we fooled around or anything - he just said something like nah - stuff happens - i'm pretty chill. Less emails but he would still im me at night - i usually let him contact me first. Still friendly but no flirting. Thurs I mentioned hanging out on the weekend and he comes back with - my life is really shxxty right now, don't have time for things, working a lot and all my free time is usually with my kid, just was seeing someone for a couple months and i had to break it off because she fell in love with me and i don't have time for things right now. So i told him i understood and we talked for the rest of the night. We also talked on Friday.

Sunday night i was online and he im'd me again just talking generally about things.

 

I know we were still talking but I did feel sort of hurt - he was super flirty in all his messages and now they are just general. I know things are tough for him right now but it didn't seem to be a problem before that. He had seen me in person before we met so i'm trying not to think that was the problem. I guess it was just a big let down and i was really down about it last weekend. So when we were talking Sun i just mentioned that i missed the flirty "John", what happened? He said he didn't know how to answer and he wasn't trying to act any sort of way.

 

So this week came around and no emails at work but he would still im me at night to talk (him starting it). So i guess he still wants to be friends but that's it. He did just tell me he got promoted to a new position at work were he wouldn't be working as many hours but would be travelling 50% of the time. Blah - i guess i'm just hurt because things were so much fun and now it's gone. Yeah we talk which is cool but it's not the same. I know move on - let it go - but i still feel kinda crappy about it - i know he told me what his situation was.

 

Part of me is yeah he isn't ready to move to the next step - just be patient and be friends and see what happens and continue looking for others to date, etc but then there is the bad side of me that is like that he just gave me an excuse, if he was really into me he would find the time to be together and i'm beating myself up over it.

 

I also went out with my ex last Friday (after he dropped off his new girlfriend when she wasn't feeling well). We just went to dinner. We have been broken up since May. He was gonna on about this new girlfriend and how he doesn't have a good feeling about it and was going to break up with her that weekend. He then tells me that with me he never felt that doubt when we first starting dating. I sort of told him about the whole email b-friend thing (not about the sort-fwb since he knows him) and he just said oh forget about it like it was nothing. Then telling me how I'm such a great person and anyone would be lucky to go out with me, i'm so easy to get along with and fun. Yeah yeah whatever. I called him back during the week to ask for something he had of mine that i needed and i asked how the breakup went and he comes back with - why do you want me to break up with her. Blah - i told him no - was just asking because you told me you were. He is a really nice guy but i just don't have a spark with him. I'm not sure what his deal is but i don't really care at this point - which is good for me

 

Anyways - sorry for this long rant but I just needed to get it all out because I feel like crap tonight because i'm home alone. All my friends seem to be in relationships right now or are married and they are either blowing me off for their man or i just don't feel like hearing about it, know what i mean. I called some old friends - hoping they call me back so I can get out tonight but probably now - it's kinda last minute. I know the issue is I just need some more self-esteem for this whole dating or whatever thing. Not everyone i meet is going to turn into something. It just seems harder to meet people now that i'm 31 instead of 21. I don't feel 31 though - hehe.

 

Maybe i'll just spend the night replying to others on LS - hehe. I know i need to concentrate only on myself right now - i've been trying to work out, even applied for some new jobs this week, getting my finances together. It's just on the weekends i get down because the last few weeks it has been dry with things to do. I know i can do things alone but i just feel so crappy i don't feel like it - i know not good. I keep telling myself i don't need anyone to be happy and i was very happy single for a lot of my 20s. I think it was my past 6 year relationship that wasn't always good but there was always someone there for me. I have a lot of friends but when i'm in this crappy mood i don't always feel like talking to them - i usually don't like telling others about my problems - that is why i'm on LS I know in my heart that i'll meet someone someday but i guess i'm just impatient.

 

Allright - i'll stop spewing thanks for listening - i guess what i'm actually looking for is advice on the whole email guy thing and how to deal with dating in future - how to keep your spirits up when things don't work out - how not to beat yourself up over it.

 

Thanks

[Merin]

Wow... LOL yeah thats a long thread sister!

 

The Recent Email Guy.. honestly here's my take on that..

 

This guy has a kiddo, that alone can make dating difficult.. being a single parent can be really difficult at times. As wierd as it may sound a lot of single parents will experience what I myself call "Mommy Guilt" LOL obviously it can be changed for gender purposes!

 

It's just that feeling of wanting something special in your life... and knowing really that you deserve to be happy and have a life outside your kids... but this can still cause some anxiety (or it does for me from time to time) to make sure my little peeps know I'm there for them and they come first.. make sense?

 

Anyway.. this guy could be experiencing something like this. Also, the 2 of you were flirty you said on email and IM however even when you feel you really know someone online or through email it isn't until you spend real time with them that you really really begin to know them... I think it's possible that he liked flirting with you via email and IM because in so many ways that felt *Safe* to him.. it wasn't really *real* so to speak... he could flirt with you while his kiddo was sleeping or right there playing whatever.. so he didn't feel any guilt about his kiddo not being with him and he could flirt and imagine you to be however...

 

Once he actually meets you and spends some time with you perhaps it didn't feel as *safe* to him.. because it became a bit to real... do you see where I'm going with this? When it was just online he didn't feel a lot of obligation and he liked that... once he met you and the 2 of you messed around a little... he may have started to feel that you were going to want more from him and it made him feel uncomfortable. Unless or Until he feels ready to have another relationship with someone IRL and not just flirty emails or what not there really isn't much you can do here... respect what he's told you, believe what he's said about not wanting to get into anything right now and let it go.

 

It really can be depressing at times when you're feeling alone.. your friends are married or with BF's... and it's easy to feel left out... BUT you never know how someone elses life is really going as an outsider looking in you know? LOL that is suppose to make you feel better that maybe your friends aren't having the nice life you think they are...

 

Hang in there... it's hard to wait... but better to wait for whats going to be good for you and good to you then to hang on to an assclown out of fear of being alone.... eventually these kinds of guys will make you feel more alone then you ever have in your life and thats when you're with them... sort of.

 

Hope this has made some sense...

 

Good Luck Girl

[purple21]

Thanks Merin - I always love your posts - you look absolutely stunning in your picture by the way

Yeah - i have to take what he says as truth - and just be friends - it hurts but i'll get over it with time- grrr

I'm just sick of the getting over part you know what i mean - but what you gonna do - it'll make me stronger - at least that is what i tell myself

yeah the post was super long but just felt like spewing everything - thanks for your advice - i appreciate it and understand what you where trying to say

i'll try not to take what happened personally and move on - i'll still be his friend because that's the way i am - but i'll let him do all the reaching out - as far as im and email.

it's hard to do but it'll eventually get better i think - or at least i hope

Thanks again for you advice - it did make me feel better - not to take what happened to personally - just the cirumstances of the situation.

 

Thanks

[purple21]

hmm - yeah - iming with email man right now - he's not too talkative but did tell me about his fun trip he took out of town Friday after work - just said - oh that's cool

grrr - no time to date - ok i admit i was bitter for a split second - lol - but it was only a split second and kept it to myself

 

yeah yeah - move on - but damn he has to be so funny and cute

 

yeah yeah - i know there is more fish in the sea - how come it never feels that way when you are getting over someone?

 

oh well - i'll survive

 

[purple21]

oh man - i made a mistake

email man was super flirtly on Mon and Tues and it was great

However i had a bit too much to drink and after he left at 1:30 in the morning to go to bed - sent him a msg calling him an ass and getting all pissed - i reason i got all upset was because he said he saw a movie at the show which we both wanted to see - but i didn't tell him that - after the mean email he im'd me again to stop drinking and go to bed and that he didn't do anything and just though we should both get some sleep

 

i apoligized profusely today - and he said it was cool - but was kinda quiet when we talked online tonight - damn - why am i so stupid.

 

i got all upset when i was drunk because i immediately assumed he went to the movies with another chick - yeah we aren't dating so i shouldn't care plus i have no idea who he went with. But being drunk as i was assumed that was the case and it hurt.

 

things were actually getting back to how they were in old times - but then i went and ruined it - not that it was that much to begin with - blah - yeah i'm a fool

 

i know an online relationship isn't much and i deserve better - i keep telling myself this but then get sucked back in - i'm hooked so to say - maybe i won't go online at all tomorrow - i guess i really don't understand what he wants -

 

i know in my head this is so silly and shouldn't waste my time thinking about it - he told me he doesn't want a relationship right now and i should take his word - we have been talking for hours on end online - and should take his word - but i guess it's the fact that i'm looking for more in my life right now - my plan was just to be his friend and look elsewhere but i guess i keep getting sucked in when he gets all flirty - i know it is only online but it's nice to have someone around all night - know what i mean - blah i need help - lol

 

i know i can hear some of you ls's now - don't talk to him anymore, etc - but not sure if i can do that - i've talked to him everyday since the beginning of the year - not sure if i can give that up yet - how little it is - yeah i need help - someone kick my ass - i derserve much more than this - this shouldn't bother me as much as it has

[purple21]

oh man - i made a mistake

email man was super flirtly on Mon and Tues and it was great

However i had a bit too much to drink and after he left at 1:30 in the morning to go to bed - sent him a msg calling him an ass and getting all pissed - i reason i got all upset was because he said he saw a movie at the show which we both wanted to see - but i didn't tell him that - after the mean email he im'd me again to stop drinking and go to bed and that he didn't do anything and just though we should both get some sleep

 

i apoligized profusely today - and he said it was cool - but was kinda quiet when we talked online tonight - damn - why am i so stupid.

 

i got all upset when i was drunk because i immediately assumed he went to the movies with another chick - yeah we aren't dating so i shouldn't care plus i have no idea who he went with. But being drunk as i was assumed that was the case and it hurt. yeah - didn't mean for it to happen but i feel for him.

 

things were actually getting back to how they were in old times - but then i went and ruined it - not that it was that much to begin with - blah - yeah i'm a fool

 

i know an online relationship isn't much and i deserve better - i keep telling myself this but then get sucked back in - i'm hooked so to say - maybe i won't go online at all tomorrow - i guess i really don't understand what he wants -

 

i know in my head this is so silly and shouldn't waste my time thinking about it - he told me he doesn't want a relationship right now and i should take his word - we have been talking for hours on end online - and should take his word - but i guess it's the fact that i'm looking for more in my life right now - my plan was just to be his friend and look elsewhere but i guess i keep getting sucked in when he gets all flirty - i know it is only online but it's nice to have someone around all night - know what i mean - blah i need help - lol

 

i know i can hear some of you ls's now - don't talk to him anymore, etc - but not sure if i can do that - i've talked to him everyday since the beginning of the year - not sure if i can give that up yet - how little it is - yeah i need help - someone kick my ass - i derserve much more than this - this shouldn't bother me as much as it has

[dd1463]

lol... you should copyright that. sorry but i was about to start reading ur post when i looked down the page.

 

yes i know... i'm a weenie.