foreverastone Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 so a little background Im British and my bf is Australian and I met him in Australia whilst studying and we've going out for 10 months . Since graduating early in the year I have worked 3 part time jobs to make ends meet whist applying for over 150 jobs. After 10 months of applying I finally landed my first professional and dream job. This job will advance my career considerably that finding my next job would be a piece of cake. i have accepted the job because there was no way I could turn it down The problem is that it's in another city which is 2hrs by flight away from my bf. My bf can't move because he's still studying. My problem is that my bf is unsure whether he wants to get into a LDR because he's never done it before and so he's anxious and nervous as to how he will react and he's uncertain as to whether he wants to find that out about himself. He's also concerned that he can't be a good bf in a LDR because if I'm upset he won't be able to comfort me through a screen and would feel powerless. In addition he feels that we haven't been going out for long enough to make it work and gives us a 20% chance of succeeding He has always been supportive of my career and ambitions but he's not so sure about LDR. i'm so upset by this and i don't know what to do or how to convince him. He's so negative about it and it doesn't help that all his friends have been telling him negative stuff about LDR and that it's doomed to fail. Any suggestions?
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Don't turn down the job. People sometimes have to spend time apart in relationships for a variety of reasons. Talk to him some more. Make a plan of how you can make it work and stick to it. Blimey how do you think soldiers or oil rig workers manage? LDR's can work you just have to be able to make it work for you. His friends sound like tools. 2
Andy_K Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 How much longer will he be studying for? How long are you going to be in a LDR for before he can potentially move - are we talking a year, two, three? Take the job, but accept that some people just aren't cut out for LDRs. If he is one of them, then there is nothing you can do to make this work.
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Take the job. You can & will support yourself. You can't live on love & your BF can't support you while he's studying. Work to convince him that an LDR is possible.
Els Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I think you should take the job. People sometimes do make career sacrifices for their relationships, but typically for those to work out, the relationship has to be much stronger and more established than yours currently is, and the other person has to be able and willing to compensate for it by being the breadwinner. In your case you have been together for 10 months, and he is still studying. If you turn down the job to be with him, what is going to happen to your finances? I don't think it's your 'job' to convince him that the LDR will work, though. He needs to fight that battle himself. If he backs out due to a 2-hour LDR, IMO chances are the two of you were not compatible and would not have made it for the long term anyway even if you'd turned down the job to stay with him.
Author foreverastone Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 He's got another 9months left on his studies in which he will be really busy. He's already doing 80hr weeks and since i work nights I barely see him that much anyway now His original plan was after he finishes his studies he'll move to europe to pursue his career and ask me to come along with him. By that time we would've been dating for 1.5yrs However, because this new job is a 2 yr contract we're going to have to be long distance (within the same country) for the first year and then long distance (different country) for next until i finish my contract and can join him and move to europe. So basically this is potentially 2 yrs of LDR One of the reasons why i'm taking this job is because I need that experience under my belt so that if we do relocate together to another city or country I won't have as much trouble getting a job in my industry as I have had since graduating
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