Jules Dash Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I am dating this woman who said that she recently broke up with her ex and got out of an engagement. I realize that this is a rebound situation so I'm just having fun. I am not expecting a relationship out of it whatsoever. She gave the standard story that we have all heard of which is she broke up with him after he left her laptop open with him still logged into a dating site account and saw that he was still dating other women. They always leave the laptop open, don't they? No one ever says that I installed a keystroke log onto my PC to get his password to all of his accounts and then I went snooping. No one would say that. She also said that he gave her a flash drive for another purpose but, without him realizing it, he also had hundreds of pages of his medical records pertaining to a psychiatric condition for which he was being treated. She claimed that she was unaware of the fact that he had a psychiatric condition. I asked her why would he give the flash drive to you? How could he make this rookie mistake? She said because he had a psyche condition and was sick. I asked her what was his condition and she replied "major depression." This does not add up but, really, it is none of my business. I was just curious and she brings up the stuff herself. This is the typical scenario of many of us who have dated. We hear one side of the story from the person we are dating in regards to why their previous relationship did not work out. Most of us will never get to hear the other side of the story. I thought it would be cool to start a thread and read some of the stories of people who actually had the chance to hear the other side of the story. Was it consistent with what the person you were dating told you or not?
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 10 years after my divorce I was having a conversation with my ex-husband new wife. They were having marital problems. She called me and said that when she met him he told her A-B-C about our divorce, she wanted to know if it were true. None of it was true. He had told everyone that I left with another man and ruined him in the process. It was a complete fabrication to gain sympathy from others. He was ashamed of the real reason why I had left our marriage. Anyway, his new-wife believed him for a while but then started doubting his story. Like you, she felt it just didn't add up. No matter what lies people say about their ex the truth reveals itself eventually. It's funny because often I will ask a man I am on a date with if he is a faithful man. In the course of 3 years, and 150 men met so far, they ALL answered they are faithful to a fault (lol ya right).
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I found my ex on dating websites a few years ago. He showed me a funny joke someone had emailed him on his phone and I pressed the back button and got an eye full of what they had been saying to each other. Another press back and another woman and so on and so forth. I was physically sick when I saw it. Men are so dumb sometimes. They get complacent and forget to cover their backsides. He said it was because he felt lonely and that I was nagging and he felt miserable and undesired. Probably true at the time and I know I was not perfect but when I bust my guts to change that and make an effort it didn't make any difference. When we split up he was awful. He told everyone that he just didn't love me. Very true. If/ when we see each other we are still civil although sometimes I don't think I should be. He has omitted the other things he did that were far worse. His friends and family would abandon him if they knew. I have no intention of bringing them up. I keep those that do know to an absolute minimum. Most of my family still do not know the full extent. He is a very sweet, gentle chap who wouldn't say boo to a goose... My family wouldn't have believed him capable but they saw it with their own eyes. I doubt any new beau would think him capable even if they did know. I have been accused of breaking into houses, going loco, sleeping with other men... all sorts by my exes none of which is true. They just want to paint themselves in a better light. I ignore it. I had my old cleaner tell me about all the special measures one of my exes put in place to stop me going into his house. I laughed at her and told her to look on the key rack at his house as my key was there and had been for over 6 months! The rumours soon stopped. I am lucky in that the majority of my relationships have split on a happy note and I have remained civil, some are even friends. Ironically of those that haven't, the only one that has been fully honest about our split and the reasons is the drunk. With the separated chap I was seeing briefly the stories all added up and were true. Some of it he didn't tell me himself his wife did... The problem with break ups is that even if you can't stand the other person it still hurts and while you may feel that you are being reasonable your actions may hurt the other more than you know. There is still that attachment even if you don't want it.
Author Jules Dash Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 10 years after my divorce I was having a conversation with my ex-husband new wife. They were having marital problems. She called me and said that when she met him he told her A-B-C about our divorce, she wanted to know if it were true. None of it was true. He had told everyone that I left with another man and ruined him in the process. It was a complete fabrication to gain sympathy from others. He was ashamed of the real reason why I had left our marriage. Anyway, his new-wife believed him for a while but then started doubting his story. Like you, she felt it just didn't add up. No matter what lies people say about their ex the truth reveals itself eventually. It's funny because often I will ask a man I am on a date with if he is a faithful man. In the course of 3 years, and 150 men met so far, they ALL answered they are faithful to a fault (lol ya right). I recently asked a woman I am dating if she has ever cheated in a relationship. To my surprise, she answered "yes" but said the relationship was complicated. It turns out the relationship was complicated. I am not saying that it justified her unfaithfulness but it was just complicated. I once suspected my ex was cheating after her phone lit up and I saw a call was coming from one of our mutual coworkers very late at night. It was well known to me and our other coworkers that the guy had a crush on her. He had no business calling her at that time of the night. I picked up the phone and saw that there were many conversations by them at obscene hours of the night. She told me her side of the story which was highly suspicious for an elaborate lie. It was a silly lie. Since I actually had a good working relationship with the guy, I initially thought of actually getting his side of the story but I am glad I ran it by one of my cousins first. She told me if I asked the guy about the contact between him and my ex, my ex will only turn it around on me and use it to make it look like I am the bad guy. I agreed with her so I never approached him about it, felt better after she gave me that perspective. The guy and I continued to work together without issues. I never knew what subsequently happened between those two because I eventually found another job several months later. It was the closest I had ever come to getting the other side of the story.
Divasu Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I guess I was just lucky. The other woman called me inadvertedly . Duhhh.
Author Jules Dash Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 I guess I was just lucky. The other woman called me inadvertedly . Duhhh. Although I almost did myself, I think that guys usually just won't contact the other guy. Maybe it's a pride thing.
mrs rubble Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 My ex went around telling everyone I'd tried to poison him, that I'd stolen chemicals from work and slipped it into his meals. One of my friends who works in the same sort of place, told me the story she'd heard, after she'd thought about all the chemicals we use and decided that nothing we use could be used in that way! The truth- He was convcited for assaulting my 12yo son.
Mentos Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 There are always two sides to the story.....then there is the truth! Sorry, I don't have anything better to add Jules!
Author Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 There are always two sides to the story.....then there is the truth! Sorry, I don't have anything better to add Jules! I'm sure you do.
Mentos Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I'm sure you do. Hmmmm, I can honestly say that of all the women I've dated, they've all spoken negatively about the 'Ex'. I do wonder how much is actually true or pure fiction. My current girlfriend DESPISES her Ex. Unfortunately for her, she has to remain in contact with him, due to the fact that they have a son together. She never bad mouths him in front of their son, however she does complain to me about him. I wonder if he really is a "deadbeat" dad and a cheater? I've met him once and spoken with him....seemed like a nice guy, but who really knows. I would be interested to hear his side of the story.....but that'll likely never ever happen.
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