First girlfriend(she feels guilty) dumped me.Most complicated girl i ever met but i s

[kryptonide]

First girlfriend (she feels guilty) dumped me. Most complicated girl I ever met but I still love her :\?

 

 

 

We lasted ten months,she(18) was out of her first relationship of 1 year and 7 months, after 1-2 weeks she was in a relationship with me(20) already,now.. i really hope i haven't been used as a rebound coz dat would be too heartbreaking... i see now the red flags which got more obvious in the past months ..didn't knew back then coz it was my first relation lel..so.. she is a pessimistic-depressive-antisocial girl (not the most beautiful but not ugly either,with a hot body) after the break up she said she still wants to be friends coz i'm a great person and she doesn't want to lose meh,so i accepted just to deny her 1 week later before her b-day , ofc i re-called her to say sorry and dat we should still be friends.. she apologised for something too,it's been almost a month and i started NC since last week till now coz i was the only one trying to make contact(she-s too stubborn to call first),and in the last months she was looking for reasons to make me hate her, even though she told me she would always fight for me and that she can't imagine her life without me,ofc it didn't work coz i love her harder now,in the breaking-up day she told me that she could fall in love with my best-friend so i can finally hate her(that didn't work either xD) since then she's talking with him on the phone(it's her only true friend) i remember a few times she told me dat if she would do a stupid thing like "leaving me" in the future she would've regreted it and want to come back but she would be too afraid coz i wouldn't want her (false i still do/will) our mutual friend (my ex-best-friend) told me that she called him and told him dat after our break up she had 2 one night-stands when she was drunk (dunno if kisses or actual sex) and ofc she cried to him again of how guilty she feels for breaking my heart, now i remember her ex was making her to feel sad but with me she was so happy and optimistic even after her dad forbided her to see me she still did it for 5 months, yeah i introduced her to my parents and she introduced me to her mom never met her dad btw... a few days after the break up she told to my best friend that she never did actual loved someone, even though her actions say the opposite! i remember when we we're staying both awake till 2-3 am on the phone talking in the night wishing to sleep togheter one night .. one night (different cities,15 min ) and how she was crying at the thought of loosing me.. yeah she said that maybe one day we will meet at the perfect time and give it another try ,we already made plans for future(houses,kids,marriage,whole life) now how can she say it's over between us after all those promises and stuff and why is she still crying everyday after dumping me? i even start having doubts if i still want her back after she did those 2 one nights stands (drunk) or if she lied about it i'm not sure , she told me her mom doesn't know about the break up yet, and from what i understand she hadn't told anyone yet and i know she's young and she wants to discover a lot but still.... how can she be so stupid? and why would she hit on 2 of her classmates while being drunk :v i just hope that one day she will realise the mistake she did and come back.. but i'm not sure if i would still want that anymore... i have the best memories with her... when we we're telling eachother how Soulmates we are and that she wants to be with me forever.. i'm so afraid she is gonna do something very stupid... it's her last year of highschool and if she is starting with one night stands already i don't even want to imagine the college,and yea while being i drunk i know that i could have sex with her very easily but im not even sure if i want that anymore :\ despise her perception of having sex with hot guys i'm exactly the opposite and i don't wanna share myself with every sex begging girl i meet :| she is very intelligent like the smartest in her class and she even abandoned medicine after she left me telling me she's gonna change for a pc-programmer,i told her that she's will be my only true love back in the happy months she told me the same.. and now i guess i'll leave her to experience the terrible life of night partying with smoking drinking and sex lust which won't ever make her happy as she was with me... but when she's gonna realise what she has lost she will feel like i do now a.k.a insomnia's ,heartaches lack of concentration crying everyday and weird dreams everysleepless night X( i'm wondering if this will ever stop .. i tried to forget her to stay friends with her (even hating her) and it didn't work.... and despise what everyone says i don't believe in time-healing process since i know she was the one and now i lost her..for now i don't trust women/girls at all, i still remember her crying face asking me : will you miss me? didn't knew about this while i was with her but after she broke up i found out about the self-harm she was doing before and the suicide attempts and how she was changing her mood from one day to another, even wondered if she has any ilnesses like bipolar or permanent depression.. i don't know what to believe anymore but i know i'm gonna keep praying for her everyday till the day i die... sorry for awfully bad english and long post, please be kind in comments.. thanks

Edited October 28, 2014 by kryptonide

[d0nnivain]

I probably could have slogged through the poor English better if you had included some paragraphs. A wall of text is hard to read.

 

Unfortunately, I do think you might have been a rebound because your relationship began 2 weeks after she ended a relationship of almost 2 years.

 

Of all the things that she has done & you have written I kept coming back to one core fact: She's a school girl of 18. Her world is filled with romantic notions about happily ever after but all of your discussions about marriage, kids, etc. were far off dreams. She was never even close to ready for that. At 20, you too have some romantic notions in your own head.

 

Any conversations about being friends, were just empty words. People say lets me friends to ease the pain but no one actually means this.

 

She's gone. She's off to her next adventure, her next romance . . . whatever. Do not hold out hope that she's coming back. It will only prevent you from healing.

 

Finally, the fact that her father did not approve of you but she dated you for 5 months after he told her to stop also spelled doom for your future together. She was too young & too dependent on her parents to pick you over them.

 

She has no idea what she wants in life. She's still changing college majors. She's no where near ready to settle down.

[Downtown]

i found out about the self-harm she was doing before and the suicide attempts and how she was changing her mood from one day to another, even wondered if she has any ilnesses like bipolar....

Perhaps she does have bipolar, Kryptonide. The behaviors you describe, however, sound far closer to the classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which generally is far harder to treat. Granted, the "suicide attempts" you mention are strongly associated with both bipolar and BPD. The "self harm," however, is a very strong warning sign for BPD, not for bipolar. Indeed, self harm (such as arm cutting, head banging, and other self mutilation) is listed as one of the defining traits for BPD -- but not for bipolar.

 

I agree with Donnivan that you should stay away from this young teenager. Hence, if you want to better understand her behavior, the only real reason for doing so is to learn how to spot the red flags so you won't run right into the arms of another girl just like her. If you are interested in learning those warning signs, I describe the main differences I've seen in the behaviors of BPDers (e.g., my exW) and bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences. If that discussion rings some bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

[kryptonide]

Unfortunately, I do think you might have been a rebound because your relationship began 2 weeks after she ended a relationship of almost 2 years.

 

 

Her version is of 2 weeks but from what i understood from her ex it was already 1 or 2 months, he told me that they argued a few weeks or maybe 1 month before she left him , and yeah she was quite unhappy with him comparing the time when she was with me, anyways i found out the reasons why she left me aka me being too clingy and needy , now i'll wait for a while and ask her a second chance proving her that i've improved *mysleaf* and dat i'm no longer needy and weepy ,i'll come back with an update xD

[kryptonide]

neh i asked for a second chance but didn't work lel :V time to MOVE ON!!