cody2185 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 On monday so a week ago my ex found out i was lying about me being at my friends house and that she thought i was going out and partying but i really wasnt. but since i was lying about were i was at she didnt believe me and called it a break but today she said its over because she doesnt know what to do. she said her heart is broke and saying leave but her brain is telling her to stay with me. i know i screwed up and i would never lie to her again i was just scared on what she would think because she always thinks im partying when im really never am but i use to and that lead to a break up before and we got back together and that was about a year ago and now she cant trust me she says because i lied.i want to gain her trust back because i know what i have done and i never want to hurt her again and it was the worst mistake ever. we have been together for 3 years now and i love her to death and would never want to hurt her. im thinking about trying the NC rule to see if it works for a while but i never in a million years thought i would do something like this.. we have tried to date other people before but it never worked we always ran back to each other and i have learned my lesson and i never want to lose her again and i just want her back because im so sad and i miss her.. and help would be amazing on what i should do especially since i know i did wrong. please i want her back so bad.
tpham18nm Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Seems like a small reason to break up with someone over However, you two have been dating for a while, are you sure that there is not an underlying issue here? Once trust is broken it is almost impossible to gain it back.
lyndaaxo Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Why would you lie to her about something trivial? She probably thinks the same way I do - if a guy lies about something that doesn't matter, what's to stop him lying about bigger things? Honestly, it doesn't sound like you two are meant to be together if you keep breaking up and getting back together, it sounds like there's a lot more to it than this one lie.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Why did you say you were partying when you weren't? I must be missing something here. She broke up with you before because you partied too much, so now you're lying and saying you are going out when you're really not? That doesn't make any sense. Why on earth would not have just told her you were at your friend's house? Does she not like this friend or something?
Keenly Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 This sounds like one of those situations where she was already planning on breaking up.with you, but needed some kind of reason, however small, to justify it in her own mind. This way, when she thinks about it, she can assign all the blame to you in her mind. This was already going to happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. 2
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 ... because she always thinks im partying when im really never am She did not break up over you not being where you said you were, she broke up because of your history of mistrust. It's better this way, with no trust a relationship is not viable. It was a matter of time before it ended. 2
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 she thought i was going out and partying but i really wasnt. Where were you?
Georgia2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 On monday so a week ago my ex found out i was lying about me being at my friends house and that she thought i was going out and partying but i really wasnt. but since i was lying about were i was at she didnt believe me and called it a break but today she said its over because she doesnt know what to do. she said her heart is broke and saying leave but her brain is telling her to stay with me. i know i screwed up and i would never lie to her again i was just scared on what she would think because she always thinks im partying when im really never am but i use to and that lead to a break up before and we got back together and that was about a year ago and now she cant trust me she says because i lied.i want to gain her trust back because i know what i have done and i never want to hurt her again and it was the worst mistake ever. we have been together for 3 years now and i love her to death and would never want to hurt her. im thinking about trying the NC rule to see if it works for a while but i never in a million years thought i would do something like this.. we have tried to date other people before but it never worked we always ran back to each other and i have learned my lesson and i never want to lose her again and i just want her back because im so sad and i miss her.. and help would be amazing on what i should do especially since i know i did wrong. please i want her back so bad. You never did tell us what you were doing that you lied to her about? You never should have lied. I can't say I blame her for breaking up with you. If I was seeing someone and I found out he lied I would dump him. I can not stand thieves and liars. You told one lie and YOU broke the trust as soon as you lied to her. Why did you lie to her why couldn't you tell her what you were doing? I'm sorry to say it but you don't seem trustful. You lied when you didn't have to.
Georgia2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Seems like a small reason to break up with someone over However, you two have been dating for a while, are you sure that there is not an underlying issue here? Once trust is broken it is almost impossible to gain it back. It's not a small reason for her to breakup with him. He lied when he shouldn't have. I would have done the same thing as her. She had every right to breakup with him over lying no matter how big or small the lie.
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Do not "try NC". It is not a trick to get somebody back. It's a healing too. She didn't break up with you over this lie alone. If she always thinks you are partying (even when you are not), she had certain fears surrounding your behavior. If you were a partier in the past, that is probably why. If you want to try to reconcile you have to talk to her. Tell her where you were & have reliable witnesses. Tell her you are sorry. Promise never to lie again & beg her to trust you. Understand if you screw up again she will never forgive you a 2nd time. 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 So what were you really doing? Is this friend a girl? Have you cheated on her in the past? Does this friend like you? We need some more back story because this can't be the whole story, I don't believe it for a second.
Fondue Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 This sounds like one of those situations where she was already planning on breaking up.with you, but needed some kind of reason, however small, to justify it in her own mind. This way, when she thinks about it, she can assign all the blame to you in her mind. This was already going to happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. My exact thoughts.
writergal Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Lying is the greatest betrayal in a relationship and is something hard to forgive and forget. Why would you ever lie to your girlfriend in the first place, OP? As Mark Twain said, "if you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." 1
Author cody2185 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 i just never told her that i was at my friends house because we got in a big fight before because i was partying i never have since then but now she just believes i am because of it i never meant to lie but in other words i just never told her because i felt like she would just assume she messaged me today because she was sad and said why are things so hard and that she wishes her heart would let me back in. i did lie because i was chewing and i told her i would stop but i started again because its not hard to quit. she actually found out from my friend that i was up at his house and i never said i was there and thats what made her mad. but i never meant to hurt her like that i was always there for her and everything i would never do it again. i have never cheated or anything never thought about it in my life, i cant even look at another girl and think of her. she did say she needs time so i just dont know what to do because i feel like i just need to man up and change my bad habits
Author cody2185 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 and its not a guy its jsut a guy we have been friends for a long time and she seems to be okay with this friend but between that and college now. and then i just got a new job and it was hunting season i didnt see her in 3 weeks guess i just came to realize i wasnt putting in the time with her as i should have been as well.. trust me i love her to death and would never hurt her but i just didnt know what do to if thats what she was thinking i was doing at my friends house.
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