CryForNoOne Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I'm in a band and we gig regularly. I live with my GF and we're pretty serious. She goes to most of my gigs. It's my band and I'm the frontman so I do everything I can to promote the band. This includes being very friendly (not flirtatious) to all fans - male and female. I get a fair number of friend requests on FB from gigs and I always accept if I recognize them. Guys usually like to talk shop about how they are aspiring musicians etc... Girls usually have a different motivation. It's obvious to me when some female fans drop hints. It usually starts with a random friendly facebook message which I courteously reply to, but the messages seemingly never stop after that. Especially if they are younger. I have NO interest, but at the same time I definitely know what they are thinking/hoping and keep them engaged. Every cute girl who goes to a gig equals 5 guys who show up and never leave until last call... I've never cheated on her nor am I considering it - but I get uncomfortable when I get these random FB messages when she's around. Do I fully disclose to her why I'm chatting with them now? Say nothing and wait until she asks? Or not encourage them to message me? (bad for business) There were a few in the past that aren't so active any more but right now there is a 20 year old girl who messages me incessantly. Of course she comes to every gig...
IronZ Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 How about neither option? You can reply to them, but do it once and do it professionally. Have an automated type message saying something like hey thanks for coming to the show. The band appreciates it, blah blah blah. They'll get the hint you're not interested.
aussietigerwolf Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 What would you want if you were in your gf's shoes?
Dork Vader Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 You have two choices completely seperate your personal life from the band life, or end your relationship. If you want to acheive the speration of personal life from band life, then simply delete EVERYONE that you did not know before you formed the band. Start a facebook fan page. From there do NOT ever allow anyone you are not close friends with on as a friend in ANY social media. You will have to learn to seperate your band life from your personal life if you want any type of personal life. It's no different then owning a business, you understand that employees are employees and customers are customers. In a band fans are fans, groupies are groupies. Never merge them it is nothing but drama and pain. I wish you the best.
Author CryForNoOne Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 What would you want if you were in your gf's shoes? We're wired differently. She says she's much more emotional and that she can't rationalize everything like I do. It wouldn't bother me but I'm definitely not her...
Andy_K Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 How about you give your gf your facebook login details. That way she doesn't have to worry about any secret conversations or abuse of trust, and can see that you're replying appropriately and nothing more.
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Sounds to me as though you need to start separating work from business. As you are growing in popularity you need to set up another FB page that is your personal one only for you, your close family and friends. Then another that is your professional one that is for your fans. Keep all messages professional and about your music on your "fan" page. Get your girlfriend to help respond to them as "you" so it doesn't become too much. Do not add people that you do not know to your personal page, ie no fans to your personal page. Keep your privacy settings as high as possible and reduce the search options down to a minimum. Now your getting more and more successful its time to get more and more professional about it. Well done and Good luck!
Emilia Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Is it not possible to set up a fan pages on social media and keep your personal one completely private?
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I definitely know what they are thinking/hoping and keep them engaged. Uhh..? "Keep them engaged" how? If a girl sends you a proposition then you should reply thanks for the compliment but you are happy in your relationship and not looking for anything more. Put your relationship status to "in a relationship" if it isn't already. Make a band page or an individual professional page, and keep that totally separate from your personal one. 1
Maleficent Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I like Dork Vader's suggestion to keep the private, private and have another page for the band stuff. I used to follow this band around and the singer this way of dealing with fans that was super friendly without being obviously flirting back. It was hilarious to watch from the outside. That being said, I hope your gf knows what she got herself into. Groupies are there and the more popular your band gets, the worst it will be. She can't let that get to her. Good luck!
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