Hund1976 Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Looking for some opinions from both genders. Me and my female interest have had a lot of arguements over this. If you are dating someone for awhile should the guy pay for just about everything? For example if the couple goes out to dinner and the guy pays and then they go to a bar is the girl justified in getting mad if the guy doesn't offer to buy her whatever drinks she wants. The girl I'm involved with has a professional degree in the medical field and has made it clear that her career is very important to her. So in my opinion if girls want equal pay and the same opportunities as guys they should also have to do the other stuff guys do. It seems like girls want the best of both worlds.
Merin Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 My thought is this... IF you are the person who has asked another to go to dinner, movies, drinks.. whatever then you should pay regardless of gender. IF you're in a long term exclusive relationship... then my feeling is it should be more of a shared thing... However... My BF insist on paying for everything when we go out... it isn't that I don't offer, he just says he wants to take me out and he feels better if he pays... but I wouldn't be upset if he didn't do this all of the time. BTW.. the theory on women want equal pay and what not.. uh.. seems to me that if that woman earns the degree then hell yes she is entitled to all the privledges that go with that.. this IMO has NOTHING to do with dating.
krbshappy71 Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Not to cop out on you, but I think it depends on the couple and what they are comfortable with. I paid for my first movie date w/my current guy, he paid for the popcorn/drinks. He's paid for WAY more than I have. If I am the one that says "want to go out to dinner?" I buy. If I say "I realllly wanna see that movie" I pay for the movie. If he says "lets go for sushi tomorrow night" then I assume he's buying. Just recently I bought concert tickets for us because its someone I am dying to see, he's not that interested in the singer, but enjoys being with me so he's coming too, I bought his ticket. I pretty much judge the situation by his actions. If he mentions stopping off for cash, I know he's buying, *wink!* if he is complaining about bills lately, I watch that I'm not pushing to go out too often, or I offer for the next event and make it clear its my treat. Duno what the fight is all about, just discuss it with her what your comfort level is. If you can't afford or choose not to afford to go out as often as she'd like to, then she can foot the bill for the extra times she still wants to go out.
Author Hund1976 Posted March 13, 2005 Author Posted March 13, 2005 then hell yes she is entitled to all the privledges that go with that I'm not saying that people shouldn't get paid the same. But back when dating customs were formed it was in the days of Leave it to Beaver when most guys had jobs and supported the family while the woman stayed home. So back then it made sense for the guy to pay for everything because the girl generally didn't have much income. But now in 2005 I think if two people are making equal money expenses should be equally shared. In my situation if I don't want to pay for us to go out to dinner we won't go, and she'll complain about me not spending money on her. Like for example a month and half ago we went on a cruise that I paid for which cost about $1,500 total. So I would think if she wants to go after dinner after that it would be cool for her to offer. I just don't like feeling like an ATM machine.
bluetuesday Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 in my world, guys don't pay for everything. we go dutch. but this is your world, hund. and you're pissed off at your girl for not stumping up what you see as her fair share. agreeing on things like who pays is crucial. it's fundamental to the success of the relationship. it's already caused countless arguments. it seems you cannot agree. i don't think she's justified, personally. but she does. and that's what counts. maybe she wants to feel taken cared of, cherished, valued, whatever - lots of women do - and she sees you picking up the bill as you taking care of her. merin's right about the 'who asked who' part. but if you're bf/gf with this lady the same rules don't apply.
joel Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 hey hunt i hear you man-paying for everything sucks. what kind of work do u do? f u don't like it move on to another gal-that is willing to go with 50 to 50 . a gal that wants u to pay for everything is a gold digger, freeloader. first couple of dates yes the guy pays for it but after that dutch or take turns paying. have u gotten anything out of her-kiss , sex, .....any presents. if the sex is good u can decide to stay, but if not forgot about it.
Merin Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by joel hey hunt i hear you man-paying for everything sucks. what kind of work do u do? f u don't like it move on to another gal-that is willing to go with 50 to 50 . a gal that wants u to pay for everything is a gold digger, freeloader. first couple of dates yes the guy pays for it but after that dutch or take turns paying. have u gotten anything out of her-kiss , sex, .....any presents. if the sex is good u can decide to stay, but if not forgot about it.
joel Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 oh yea dude u can do stuff don't cost a lot of money either. hikes, walks, bar and pool. bowling, sports pretty much check around the classfied ads for events. video at home. if she don't liek free to inexpensive activites she a gold diggers and kick her out. i am a guy too so i understand
Pocky Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by joel hey hunt i hear you man-paying for everything sucks. what kind of work do u do? f u don't like it move on to another gal-that is willing to go with 50 to 50 . a gal that wants u to pay for everything is a gold digger, freeloader. first couple of dates yes the guy pays for it but after that dutch or take turns paying. have u gotten anything out of her-kiss , sex, .....any presents. if the sex is good u can decide to stay, but if not forgot about it. How do you know about paying for everything? You've never been on a date. Nice advice from someone that has yet to experience the dating scene. Just so you're not confused when you do go on a date - paying for dinner doesn't automatically buy her pussy.
Merin Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky How do you know about paying for everything? You've never been on a date. Nice advice from someone that has yet to experience the dating scene. Just so you're not confused when you do go on a date - paying for dinner doesn't automatically buy her pussy. Word.
Craig Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 If you are dating someone for awhile should the guy pay for just about everything? Depends. Who has the most money? How important is it to the girl to "feel" like she is being taken care of by her man? if the couple goes out to dinner and the guy pays and then they go to a bar is the girl justified in getting mad if the guy doesn't offer to buy her whatever drinks she wants. No. If she doesn't like it she can leave. If he doesn't like this manipulative behavior then he can leave. So in my opinion if girls want equal pay and the same opportunities as guys they should also have to do the other stuff guys do. It seems like girls want the best of both worlds. Doesn't everyone? Hey if you don't ask/don't try you'll never know what you can get. Personally, I have always paid for everything and don't have a second thought about doing so. But then again I tend to be generous with people so for me it's not a "dating" behavior, it's just the way I am.
Proto Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Haha, I'm the type that ALWAYS likes to pay for my gf and my gf is the type that ALWAYS likes to pay for me It makes for some interesting playful arguments at times but we manage
joel Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 yes true enough but i have read from other forums that the guy shouln't have to pay for everything. she a golddigger if she lets u. hund -talk to me man what do u think activity dates are lot more fun and cheaper than formal dates
Topaze Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 The short answer to the question is "Yes". However, if a man has no romantic interest in a woman, he shouldn't be paying. It sends the wrong message.
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 i have a good job at a fortune 150 company and make decent ca$h. I almost always pay (90% of time) when we go out even if i've been dating her for a year or two. i am traditional in this sense. i feel the man should pay most of the time. but the women repay in other ways. i have never loaned a woman money or paid her bills though. and i never would. it is very selfish actually cause i like to keep control and one way i do that is by paying. i get to make the decisions about where we go, what we do, when , why, etc.... women love it also and many of them have shown their "appreciation" sexually. nuthin' puts a woman in the mood for romance and sex like a $200 dinner at a 4 star restaurant. he he.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 You know Alpha you almost had me believe that you were my kind of guy and wishing we could meet. Let me tell you - nothing puts a woman in the mood more than being taken care of and feeling like the guy she's with really wants her. Expensive dinners, etc. - who cares??!! Back to the original question - no I do not think a guy should always pay. Although I've always dated men who want to - so I do my darndest to keep in mutual. He mentioned wanting to see a totaly sold out show, so I went to a broker and got tickets (very pricey) - I also cook dinner, at both our houses, etc. Now its a different story - he's unemployed and never seems to have either his wallet or cash - but I understand and that is ok too. Sounds to me like this woman you are with wants to be taken care of - but I really don't enough to say more.
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by curiousnycgirl You know Alpha you almost had me believe that you were my kind of guy and wishing we could meet. Let me tell you - nothing puts a woman in the mood more than being taken care of and feeling like the guy she's with really wants her. Expensive dinners, etc. - who cares??!! I will send u my cell # by PM, CURIOUSNYCGURL in a minute. In regards to your other comment. I am not gonna take a woman out for a $200 dinner unless i really really reaally want to be with her and have genuine feelings for her. The rest of the biotches just get applebees!
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by curiousnycgirl ok Alpha - I'm back to loving ya! i would just like to expound (that means elaborate) on my philosophy of paying most of the time. my reasoning is that if a woman really cares for a guy she does not mind being "indebted" to him. if she does not really care for him then she does mind being "indebted" to him. also, women want a provider. a guy who has some resources and can pay for sheeyat. my belief is that women have to look at the man as some type of a provider to fully respect him.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 A little cavemanish, but not entirely untrue, so I can't argue. Although I do know a fair number of women who are very successful and have househusbands. And I am not sure I can agree with the concept of indebtedness being a requisite. I think all relationships require balance in all things - that balance may not be obvious to everyone, but if it works for those in the relationship, then all is good.
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by curiousnycgirl Although I do know a fair number of women who are very successful and have househusbands. being a househusband is fine-n-dandy for a guy who can do it. I personally could not. I think men should be men and women should be women. Periiod. Call me a caveman or whatever but that is what I believe.
XNemesisX Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Yep, Alphamale is right on. my reasoning is that if a woman really cares for a guy she does not mind being "indebted" to him. if she does not really care for him then she does mind being "indebted" to him. This is absolutely true. I feel very uncomfortable when a guy that I'm not that interested in wants to pay for things. It makes me feel like I will owe him something, or that he has the wrong idea. If I am interested in a guy, then he will actually earn some major bonus points by offering to pay for everything. I am not a golddigger, or a freeloader by any means. However, I do know that if I got the impression that a man was a cheapskate and didn't want to pay for dates with a woman then I would probably lose interest in him. I cannot stand a cheap guy. My mom and dad always told me that traditionally a man is supposed to pay for dates because when the man and the woman marry, the woman's family is supposed to pay for all the wedding expenses. So, if men want dates to be dutch, then I suppose they should also pay 50/50 on the wedding! (which btw the groom's family is supposed to pay for the honeymoon but it is NEVER even close to as expensive as a wedding!) I personally lose respect for men who act like they don't want to pay anything on dates. It will make me lose interest so fast that it isn't even funny. I can give you a recent example of this. I was on a date with this guy that I thought I really liked and I offered to pay for my own meal. He wanted to let me but since we were at an Indian restaurant I think he just didn't want to look stupid to the Indian people there. (In India I think it is expected that the men should pay). Just the other day we went to Arbys and he acted like he was going to croak at buying me a kids meal. Trust me, he is kicked to the curb now. I think women want to feel like the man has resources and can pay for things (cavemanish or not this is how it is). If a man seems like he is a cheapskate or can't ever afford anything, then it almost makes him seem like less of a man. Maybe I am being traditional here too. I used to waitress and I remember thinking "what a loser" when I would see the guy making the girl pay for her own part. I usually tended to put the check closer to the man. I would always think the men who paid seemed like better catches. Just my two cents. Oh and Alpha, you sound just like the type of guy that I would go for! Too bad you are so far away and so much older than me
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I really don't mind paying for everything if I really like the girl. Call me old fashioned. On the other hand, I have had GFs who have vehemently disagreed with me on this, and would fight me for the check. If it becomes an issue, I will acquiesse if paying sometimes is important to her, but I have never minded picking up the tab.
life loser Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 not having a credit card at uni (unlike most 12 years old have now) i've had a couple women treat me like **** and look at me in disgust because I cant pay for an expensive dinner, yet being true to my word, offered to take them to some 'down-to-earth' cafe or something I could afford. I even had one woman laugh at my old beat up beatle and say she wasn't getting in that to go out on a date with me. maybe everyone should worriyless about the money and more about making each olther happy and respecting them for who they are... just my pennies worth...
Juliaaus Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 This makes me think..... I have been on two dates with this guy, and he earns more than me, but i have a good job too. We both have a child each. I have always offered to pay, on our first date it was only like $5 - and he paid the rest for the two coffees i had and a piece of cake. When we went out to dinner, he paid for the drink at the pub, and the meal came to over $80, and I offered to give him some cash to pay for my meal, and he took $35, but he supplied a nice bottle of wine as well. to me, this seems as if he is treating me in some ways, but we are going dutch in others - but i dont worry if he likes me or not - as he always makes dates before we leave - so i always know that he wants to see me again - I think he appreciates that even if i know he has got a good job and good pay - that i still offer to pay for some of it.
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