wonderchild Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I can't figure out what's going on between me and this guy I'm hanging out with/dating(?). So I've known him for a while, we were friends when we were younger. He got in touch with my kind of out of the blue and, because I was away at school/working a lot, it was while before we finally met up. A little over a month ago we went to the movies. It was a nice time but I wasn't really sure what it was (date? friends hanging out?). Someone here told me he was probably just trying to feel me out. Which was probably true. We've hung out a little bit (very casual) and each time I'm always left wondering about his feelings towards me. Is he into me? Is he not? Finally, over texts, he asks me whether I would ever consider dating him because he would be interested in us being a couple. We go to the movies again, it's nice, and it's obvious (from our texts) that he likes me. But there is no kiss. A hug but no kiss. There hasn't been a kiss. Why?? After our movie date I text him to tell him I had a good time and the next morning he asks if I would be his girlfriend. I said ok but that we should take things slow and get to know each other more. He said he was fine with that. (Is it weird he asked me to be his girlfriend after a few "dates" and no kiss?) Sooo....The issue is that I find it hard to engage him. I texted him a couple times since Saturday (the day he asked me out) and, although he's responded to the texts, he doesn't initiate further conversation. When I asked him how his weekend was, he responded but didn't inquire about mine. I definitely don't need to be in constant contact with him, I don't need to know where he is and what he's doing at all times, BUT I do want him to show a little more interest. Obviously he's interested in me because if he wasn't he wouldn't have asked me out. Up until when he expressed interest in being a couple, I had no idea that he had any kind of feelings for me.
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Ask him. I suspect that you need to drop it. Your a friend and a nice person nothing more.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 How old is he? Has he had much relationship experience? I would talk to him directly. Determine what "take it slow" means to him and to you. At the moment, it sounds more like a friendship than a boyfriend-girlfriend romantic relationship. He will need to step it up if he wants things to progress. Personally, I wouldn't be able to call someone my boyfriend if I've never even kissed him. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I can't figure out what's going on between me and this guy I'm hanging out with/dating(?). So I've known him for a while, we were friends when we were younger. He got in touch with my kind of out of the blue and, because I was away at school/working a lot, it was while before we finally met up. A little over a month ago we went to the movies. It was a nice time but I wasn't really sure what it was (date? friends hanging out?). Someone here told me he was probably just trying to feel me out. Which was probably true. We've hung out a little bit (very casual) and each time I'm always left wondering about his feelings towards me. Is he into me? Is he not? Finally, over texts, he asks me whether I would ever consider dating him because he would be interested in us being a couple. We go to the movies again, it's nice, and it's obvious (from our texts) that he likes me. But there is no kiss. A hug but no kiss. There hasn't been a kiss. Why?? After our movie date I text him to tell him I had a good time and the next morning he asks if I would be his girlfriend. I said ok but that we should take things slow and get to know each other more. He said he was fine with that. (Is it weird he asked me to be his girlfriend after a few "dates" and no kiss?) Sooo....The issue is that I find it hard to engage him. I texted him a couple times since Saturday (the day he asked me out) and, although he's responded to the texts, he doesn't initiate further conversation. When I asked him how his weekend was, he responded but didn't inquire about mine. I definitely don't need to be in constant contact with him, I don't need to know where he is and what he's doing at all times, BUT I do want him to show a little more interest. Obviously he's interested in me because if he wasn't he wouldn't have asked me out. Up until when he expressed interest in being a couple, I had no idea that he had any kind of feelings for me. Him asking you to be his girlfriend so soon is a little off. However, he did ask you and you told him to take things slowly. He is likely caught up in that "how often do I contact/text" thing in a new relationship. If you want to be his girlfriend, there is nothing wrong with you upping the contact to demonstrate what you want. In other words, text him good morning or how was you day. Just one text. See how/if he responds. Gauge it by his response. If he catches on, he will initiate contact equally. But, next time you see him in person, ask him how he feels about that. Like, hey, do you like it when I text you during the day? And, even if he says yes, don't go overboard. Do it a little and see how he handles it.
Author wonderchild Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 The thing is, I'm the inexperienced one. When I told him I wanted to "take things slow" it was because I'm a virgin and don't want to rush into sex. I don't know what his dating history is however. I shouldn't be too concerned with sex at this point though, I'd like to at least kiss before we try anything else. Hopefully I'll be seeing him this week and perhaps I should initiate a kiss if he doesn't. He's 20 and I get the impression that he spends a lot of free time playing video games. I think that is why is doesn't return my texts quickly. When we were planning our trip to the movies this weekend, I was asking him what he wanted to see and when he wanted to go. It was large chunks of time between each text and I had to say something to him. I told him that I wanted him to have an opinion on what movie we saw because he was making me feel as though he wasn't interested in hanging out at all. He told me that he was playing video games and wasn't always paying attention to his phone. It seems like he wants to call someone his girlfriend without all the "responsibilities" of having one.
Author wonderchild Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 The thing is, I'm the inexperienced one. When I told him I wanted to "take things slow" it was because I'm a virgin and don't want to rush into sex. I don't know what his dating history is however. I shouldn't be too concerned with sex at this point though, I'd like to at least kiss before we try anything else. Hopefully I'll be seeing him this week and perhaps I should initiate a kiss if he doesn't. I ASSUMED he understood what I meant by "taking it slow." But maybe he didn't.
Evening Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Yes, wonderchild, he definitely wants to have a girlfriend but as someone said earlier, he in unexperienced. Be the wiser one. Ask him. Talk to him about the things. And definitely you should try to kiss. Otherwise like a friendship or I do not know what it is..you two should figure that out.
Assasda Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I personally think you should drop him OP.. You guys sound painfully immature. I just think he likes the idea of being with you. And doesnt like actually being with you. He sounds, insecure, inexperienced, and super akward. So, let him down easy, when you leave him for someone else, or do it before you find that somebody
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Consider the possibility that he is simply looking for someone to call his girlfriend and that he feels safe doing this with someone he is already familiar with.
ediebrick Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I would have to ask you if you are going to be happy with someone who never contacts you or shows much explicit interest in you. There could be a couple of things driving his being so quiet: 1) This is his personality structure (2) He is just very shy/scared of rejection (3) Maybe it is cultural Try kissing him and see if he starts opening up to you. If he does, it is just shyness. If not, is likely #1 or #3
Author wonderchild Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I would have to ask you if you are going to be happy with someone who never contacts you or shows much explicit interest in you. There could be a couple of things driving his being so quiet: 1) This is his personality structure (2) He is just very shy/scared of rejection (3) Maybe it is cultural Try kissing him and see if he starts opening up to you. If he does, it is just shyness. If not, is likely #1 or #3 It wouldn't make me happy, no, but at the same time I don't exactly have guys lining up to date me. I'm 22 years old and I have virtually no dating experience and the few guys that do show interest in me tend to be obsessive. I'm sure this sounds pathetic and childish, but this guy comes along and he's good looking and I can't actually believe he likes me. I guess I just don't want to let this go so quickly.
Author wonderchild Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 It wouldn't make me happy, no, but at the same time I don't exactly have guys lining up to date me. I'm 22 years old and I have virtually no dating experience and the few guys that do show interest in me tend to be obsessive. I'm sure this sounds pathetic and childish, but this guy comes along and he's good looking and I can't actually believe he likes me. I guess I just don't want to let this go so quickly. Upon reading this again I realized how pitiful this sounded. You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. I know that. I guess I just want to experience what it's like to be with someone. I think that maybe we need to talk about this and make sure we are both on the same page.
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