Mizz Layta Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 My on and off long distance bf of few years told me not to contact him anymore and he needs space after losing his job.I deleted his number so I wont be tempeted to contact him anymore. However, today I had a very strong urge of contacting him and I would have done it if I still have his number.I even try searching into my old texts but I deleted the text messages as well. I have no way of contacting him anymore. We haven't spoke for almost 2 months and I have been missing him lately I still care about him as person
SoThatHappened Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 (edited) It's only been 2 months. This is normal, and it's a good thing you can't find his number. You'd likely get hurt if you contacted him. I found the 2 to 3 month mark to be the hardest, because that's when I totally realized it's over. You're past the initial shock, then the limited contact for housekeeping items, and it finally hits you: it's over. This is the final hurdle in the "pain" process. It was for me at least. It's right before acceptance, and it's hard. You'll get past it though. Eventually, you'll get to indifference. This is just a tough spot right now. Do not contact him even if you find his number. Keep pressing forward. Edited October 28, 2014 by SoThatHappened 1
whatdoido123 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Doesnt the NC help make him miss u though? I am trying to go thru this process and I would assume after a couple of week the dumper would try to reach u? Or am I wrong?
hoping2heal Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Doesnt the NC help make him miss u though? I am trying to go thru this process and I would assume after a couple of week the dumper would try to reach u? Or am I wrong? Uh, probably not. Here is why that often will not work. Dumpee is in love with the dumper, so from their perspective it goes something like "I love the dumper. I miss the dumper" and the assumption is that just because you miss that person, they must also miss you back. The dumper does not feel the same way about you as you do them. If they did, they wouldn't have dumped you. Are there exceptions? Sure. Sometimes people have to dump others for good reason (like infidelity or trust issues, etc) , and sometimes they just think they have to dump others (I can't give you the life you deserve, except these people really mean it) whether its truly good reason or not and despite the dumping they still have feelings of love. Yes, you will read about lonely and selfish exes who attempt to use vulnerable dumpees as their comfort pillows. They don't want a true reconcile they just want someone to validate them but the minute the R word is dropped they are off like a prom dress. Lastly, yes sometimes dumpers realize they made a mistake and actually mean it. It isn't just lonliness talking to them. It isn't just feeling insecure and needing someone to stroke your ego because you've got no one else lining up to do it at the moment. It never feels good to get dumped but sometimes it really is in our best interest. Growing up is a process and so is exploration. It's not about sleeping around or going through a bunch of people (for some I guess it is) but it takes time and often investment to truly know someone and you may one day realize you are not compatible or you have some other reason for not being willing to committ to them and once you've got your mind made up there, suddenly you will start distancing yourself emotionally and your reaction to them becomes adverse. You will just want to be "away" from them..here comes the breakup.
Recommended Posts