beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I met someone a month ago, we have fun together, movies, dinners, trips, etc..and we decided to become exclusive. He spends a lot of time doing activities bowling league, soccer season tickets and football season tickets. He spends time with me two nights out of the week. I feel insecure, because I believe he is hanging with other women while doing these activities, but I can't prove it. Also, he hasn't invited me to any of the activities. I thought at first it was because I'm black and he is white and it's going to take time, but after he told me he joined yet another league on Monday nights. I realize I really don't want to be with someone who is always on the go. Is it just me or should I be happy with the time he spends with me and not worry about what he chooses to do with his time? I am thinking about calling it quits.
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 1. Is he still on that dating website? 2. Those 2 nights a week you spent together do you go out together? 3. What is it that makes you believe he is out with other women?
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 1. yes he is still on the dating site but hasn't logged in since 1 week. 2. yes we go out together last went to the movies then dinner after, and had breakfast together the next morning. 3. There is nothing that makes me think this except for why would a man want to spend 5 nights a week hanging out with other men unless women were involved at some point? I mean bowling leagues, tailgating, etc.
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I can sort of understand why you aren't invited to the ticketed events: you don't have a ticket & it's too late to get you one where you can sit together now. As for the other leagues, most of that stuff can accommodate spectators. A few days before a league night, say Hey can I come & cheer you on next Wednesday?
heartshaped Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 How many nights out of the week would you prefer? Have you thought about asking him why he never invites you to any of his events? I take it he has not introduced you to his friends either.
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 How many nights out of the week would you prefer? Have you thought about asking him why he never invites you to any of his events? I take it he has not introduced you to his friends either. I am fine with the amount of time we spend. I'm just not feeling very secure with him always being out. OP stated he doesn't have extra tickets to season events, but I really feel like why should I have to ask? No I have not met any of his friends, but he has met a couple of mine.
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 3. There is nothing that makes me think this except for why would a man want to spend 5 nights a week hanging out with other men unless women were involved at some point? I mean bowling leagues, tailgating, etc. Those were the people/ activities he enjoyed when he was single. There's comfort in the familiar. Some men are just guys' guys.
mammasita Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 when did you become exclusive? If it was before a week ago when he was on the dating site, thats a problem.....and why haven't you discussed taking your profiles down since your are exclusive? I also get why you feel the way you do. IMO, early on in dating you tend to want to spend most of your prime dating time (Friday night/Saturday night) with your new beau. Are those the nights you spend together?
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 1. yes he is still on the dating site but hasn't logged in since 1 week.. You need to spell out the terms of your exclusivity. Why was he online 1 week ago if you are exclusive? 2. yes we go out together last went to the movies then dinner after, and had breakfast together the next morning. Ok so that solves the issue of you being in an interracial relationship. It's a non issue. Right? 3. There is nothing that makes me think this except for why would a man want to spend 5 nights a week hanging out with other men unless women were involved at some point? I mean bowling leagues, tailgating, etc. lol, that one made me laugh. There are other enjoyable things in life than being with your gf/bf. My ex boyfriend coached soccer 3 nights a week + played 1 night a week + substituted for other coaches. He loved it with a passion. Don't stand between a man and his sports. Let him enjoy himself and go sit and watch him play, socialize with the other people watching. Are you the type that sees cheating everywhere? Or it's this dating profile that generates all this suspicion? The only issue I have is why he is on a dating website when you 2 are exclusive.
preraph Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I met someone a month ago, we have fun together, movies, dinners, trips, etc..and we decided to become exclusive. He spends a lot of time doing activities bowling league, soccer season tickets and football season tickets. He spends time with me two nights out of the week. I feel insecure, because I believe he is hanging with other women while doing these activities, but I can't prove it. Also, he hasn't invited me to any of the activities. I thought at first it was because I'm black and he is white and it's going to take time, but after he told me he joined yet another league on Monday nights. I realize I really don't want to be with someone who is always on the go. Is it just me or should I be happy with the time he spends with me and not worry about what he chooses to do with his time? I am thinking about calling it quits. I guess that's a personal preference. At my busiest, I used to say a guy who would just guarantee me a standing date on Saturday was perfect for my schedule, and all I could handle. But if you want someone around a whole lot, maybe he's not the one for you. I think he sounds like a great balance personally. Sure, right now you want to see him all the time, but if you had been married 5 years, you'd be glad he had some outside interests so you could have your space as well.
heartshaped Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I am fine with the amount of time we spend. I'm just not feeling very secure with him always being out. OP stated he doesn't have extra tickets to season events, but I really feel like why should I have to ask? No I have not met any of his friends, but he has met a couple of mine. Sounds to me like he's keeping you from places his friends will be. Maybe because he isn't ready for his two worlds to intermingle as things are still early yet, maybe he feels like you won't be interested since it's sports, or maybe he just doesn't want to be attached at the hip. Overall though sounds like you are feeling insecure. I would just talk to him about it. 1
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Yes we do spend Friday nights and Saturday nights together. We also get together sometimes after the football games are over on Sundays. EXCEPT this past Sunday he text me at 11pm and stated he had to call AAA to get a jump so we didn't get together. I guess this sparked my suspicion. If all these guys are at a football game why couldn't he get a jump from one of the other guys? We just had the exclusive talk 3 days ago, so profiles are still up his and mine just haven't logged in. I am not the type to continue to have talks with men about the obvious. I LOVE sports, and I took HIM to college football and basketball games, but he hasn't took me to any. We watch football together sometimes. The interracial part is about being around his friends and people he knows. Strangers are perfectly fine. He hasn't invited me to watch him play.
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 You have only known each other a month. Are you nterested in the same events? Does he know that you are (if you are)?
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Next time I become exclusive with someone you bet him and I will go online and both delete our profile on the spot ! No more 'why is your profile still online'. Delete your profile together. So about you casually ask him if you can go see him play then you can get home together or something, or just go see him play. Lets see what he has to say about that. As for the time you spend together that sounds good from here. You get 2 official nights that are date nights and you get the occasional visit after football. Sounds good to me. As for the boost, did you ask him why he's not asking one of his buddies to give him a jump start?
veggirl Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Its been a MONTH. Lots of people hold off on introducing SOs to friends til its something a bit more serious...and even if they don't hold off, it's been a MONTH! That's IT! You are being very very paranoid and it's odd. I know my bf and I were dating close to 4 mos before I met his friends. Do his friends know about you? I mean does he actively hide you or are you just not invited to his PRE-PLANNED leagues that you are not a member of? I don't know why a gf of a month would expect to be invited to all of this stuff already? I don't even think you should bring this up to him. I think it will make you sound crazy and insecure. You should deal w/ it on your tbh because your paranoia and suspicions are WAY over the top. 3
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I don't even think you should bring this up to him. I think it will make you sound crazy and insecure. You should deal w/ it on your tbh because your paranoia and suspicions are WAY over the top. I think she DOES need to bring this up to him because 'communication' is the way to a successful relationship ! And no she will not sound crazy and insecure. He was ok with meeting her friends. If he has an issue with her meeting his then he needs to speak up ! and explain to her he needs a little more time to bring her into his circle, needs to feel more secure in their relationship, or what ever is his deal. By meeting her friends and not bringing her along to meet his friends, he's sending her mixed signals.....and we have a thread !
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I think she DOES need to bring this up to him because 'communication' is the way to a successful relationship ! And no she will not sound crazy and insecure. He was ok with meeting her friends. If he has an issue with her meeting his then he needs to speak up ! and explain to her he needs a little more time to bring her into his circle, needs to feel more secure in their relationship, or what ever is his deal. By meeting her friends and not bringing her along to meet his friends, he's sending her mixed signals.....and we have a thread ! She definitely needs to talk to him. Boundaries are necessary to discuss. Y'all have been exclusive for 3(?) Days? Talk to him! Because some guys just don't see the problem...they are fine then the woman just goes nuts on him (Lol). Start the relationship off right...communication. 1
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Next time I become exclusive with someone you bet him and I will go online and both delete our profile on the spot ! No more 'why is your profile still online'. Delete your profile together. Yes me too! Next time I will approach anybody I date differently. Thanks for your feedback
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Its been a MONTH. Lots of people hold off on introducing SOs to friends til its something a bit more serious...and even if they don't hold off, it's been a MONTH! That's IT! You are being very very paranoid and it's odd. I know my bf and I were dating close to 4 mos before I met his friends. Do his friends know about you? I mean does he actively hide you or are you just not invited to his PRE-PLANNED leagues that you are not a member of? I don't know why a gf of a month would expect to be invited to all of this stuff already? I don't even think you should bring this up to him. I think it will make you sound crazy and insecure. You should deal w/ it on your tbh because your paranoia and suspicions are WAY over the top. 1. We have slept together what 15+ times on separate days, several dates, and trips together. 2. I'm still upset that I had to ask him to remove profiles. It seemed automatic after week 2 seeing we were spending the night at each other's house at that time. Oh and wait, he still never removed it just stopped logging in so he says. 3. Nope his friends don't know about me. We were coming back from a trip and he got a call but didn't mention he was away with me. 4.He added a new league 3 days ago and told me after the fact. I don't think it's odd at all, and I haven't brought it up, I just told him goodbye. After I told him goodbye he said "funny I was just about to cancel my subscription "oh well". My response was "now that was funny" take care.
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I think she DOES need to bring this up to him because 'communication' is the way to a successful relationship ! And no she will not sound crazy and insecure. He was ok with meeting her friends. If he has an issue with her meeting his then he needs to speak up ! and explain to her he needs a little more time to bring her into his circle, needs to feel more secure in their relationship, or what ever is his deal. By meeting her friends and not bringing her along to meet his friends, he's sending her mixed signals.....and we have a thread ! Gaeta, people know right from wrong and if they don't then I'm not going to be the one to teach them. He met my friends, and willing to keep meeting more of them because wait they play professional football so he thinks it's cool. I really don't find anything odd about meeting friends earlier in a relationship. I think your friends tell you a lot about the person and how well we all would get along. If he is secure enough to meet mine than it goes both ways.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 After I told him goodbye he said "funny I was just about to cancel my subscription "oh well". My response was "now that was funny" take care. When did this conversation happen?? That doesn't sound like its headed in the right direction. Did y'all end things?
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 When did this conversation happen?? That doesn't sound like its headed in the right direction. Did y'all end things? About an hour ago when I saw him online. That's what prompted it. Me: I have enjoyed the time we've spent together but I don't think our lifestyle's fit. I'd like to keep looking for someone who fits better. Good luck to you! Him: Ok, I enjoyed being with you no regrets! Me: I think its best that we not remain in contact. Him:Ok it's funny I was on line trying to cancel match oh well Me:Now that's funny Him:I'm still canceling Me: Good bye
clia Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I see you already dumped him, but to answer your original question, I think your expectations were way out of line for a one month old relationship. 3
Author beautifulinside2 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I see you already dumped him, but to answer your original question, I think your expectations were way out of line for a one month old relationship. Thanks for your response, but I did it because I've seen people take their profile down after 3 days and much less invested than I have. It's not all about him, I didn't like the way things were headed and didn't want to invest anymore time while we acted like we had been together for months. It's like a win win for him. He gets to pretend like we have been together long sex, trips, meeting my friends, and then conveniently use the same we only been together a month to say why I have met none of his or included in his activities. Nope
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks for your response, but I did it because I've seen people take their profile down after 3 days and much less invested than I have. It's not all about him, I didn't like the way things were headed and didn't want to invest anymore time while we acted like we had been together for months. It's like a win win for him. He gets to pretend like we have been together long sex, trips, meeting my friends, and then conveniently use the same we only been together a month to say why I have met none of his or included in his activities. Nope Wow. This could have easily been solved with some communication. You said you only been exclusive 3 days but he hasn't been OLD in a week. I think you overreacted. Anyways, it's over. Good luck! ☺ 1
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