newatthis12 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I met her on a dating site and we hit it off pretty well from the get go. After getting her number and texting for a week, we finally meet for a date and I have a great time with her and unless she was just putting on a great act, it appeared she did too. At the end I asked if future dates for us would be on the horizon and she said she'd like that. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to arrange anything since mostly because I have to travel this weekend and distance (~1 hour away if traffic is kind) can make weekday meets difficult. I made this thread in particular though because our chatter has gone way down since the date. We used to text eachother pretty frequently and now it is maybe 1 or 2 a day. Admittedly, it has only been 4 days since the date and I could be worried about nothing but it just strikes me as wrong. She also has not signed into her dating account since the day before the date, at first I thought this was a positive thing but I realize it's probably nothing. Umm sorry if this is just nonsense. Got out of a 4 year relationship earlier this year and it has been odd finding my footing in the dating world again. Both of us are mid-20s btw.
Standard-Fare Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I think this is exactly why too much pre-first-date communication can be a mistake. You can establish a rapport and a sense of intimacy that's ultimately pretty meaningless. What's really important is how you feel about each other once you actually meet in person. The rapport should build from THERE. I once had an experience where a guy was super chatty/friendly via messages and texts before our date... "LOLs" and all that... but when we met in person, he turned out to be a pretty reserved, shy guy. It felt like his pre-date persona was a total act. If I'd kept in touch with him (I didn't), it wouldn't have been possible to communicate with him/think of him in the same way after the date. Short way of saying that: Sometimes communication behaviors/expectations change after an actual date. It's good that this girl is still communicating. Just bite the bullet and ask her out on a second date... see what happens.
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Texting somebody I went on 1 date with off OLD 1-2 times per week would be a lot of contact for me so I can't understand / appreciate your concerns over 1-2 x per day. I don't text my husband or my BFFs that much. Focus on setting up & going on the 2nd date.
Author newatthis12 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I think this is exactly why too much pre-first-date communication can be a mistake. You can establish a rapport and a sense of intimacy that's ultimately pretty meaningless. What's really important is how you feel about each other once you actually meet in person. The rapport should build from THERE. I once had an experience where a guy was super chatty/friendly via messages and texts before our date... "LOLs" and all that... but when we met in person, he turned out to be a pretty reserved, shy guy. It felt like his pre-date persona was a total act. If I'd kept in touch with him (I didn't), it wouldn't have been possible to communicate with him/think of him in the same way after the date. Short way of saying that: Sometimes communication behaviors/expectations change after an actual date. It's good that this girl is still communicating. Just bite the bullet and ask her out on a second date... see what happens. Yes, I do agree that once you meet, pretty much everything prior goes out the window. I do try to represent myself as similiar as I can in text that I am in person and don't have any outright lies on my profile. Thankfully I felt she was close to her texts as well, maybe a bit more reserved but still very agreeable for me. I definitely want a 2nd date but I guess the separate issue for me is not exactly knowing when to schedule it because I'm busy. Feels like I'm going to miss the boat with her because of how 'frenzied' OLD is. At best it would have to be next weekend but that feels like such a long gap. Guess it can't be helped though, if she walks she walks.
Assasda Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Why are you checking to see if she's been logging in or whatever? That shouldnt matter. Also, why not call her on the phone and talk to her. It shows that you care a lot more that a text. You can also set up a meeting time then. Texting should only be to set up dates. Conversation with texting is useless 1
TheNextLawyer Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Why are you checking to see if she's been logging in or whatever? That shouldnt matter. Also, why not call her on the phone and talk to her. It shows that you care a lot more that a text. You can also set up a meeting time then. Texting should only be to set up dates. Conversation with texting is useless The usual good simple advice from Ass...Bad (compliment in reverse). Yeah I second that, but some women are coy over speaking on phone. Like my ex-female-friend (not quite gf), and boy did the lack of voice contact make that relationship wither and die. (also she had a limited taste in food and music)
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