Am I the one in the wrong?

[Ahills]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 11 months now. Its been amazing. I cant imagine life without him. He is 23 and I am 21. But theres one problem. He works as a monster in a haunted house. The problem? I hate everything related to Halloween.

 

I remember when we first started to date he told me during the Halloween season he worked as a monster in a big haunted house in a city far away. He showed me pictured of him in his makeup and costume. I will admit it was cool what they can do but it was way too creepy for me. But he seemed really proud and couldn't stop smiling at all his stories of scaring people so I sat there a smiled with him.

 

All of that to the side hes amazing guy. The best I have ever dated and the first I have ever considered marrying.

 

2 months ago is when he started to work at his haunted house an hour and a half away. Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday he works 12 hours a day and each night he drives the hour and half back home. Some nights he wont get home until 5 in the morning. And some how he juggles another day job and goes to school full time.

 

In the begging of his season he would send me pictures of him in his makeup and costume. And after each weekend he would be so happy to tell me all that happened.

 

I feel really bad I did this but a few weeks ago he told me that he managed to get a few VIP tickets for my family and I to come visit him. I told him once and I told him again I dont like haunted houses. He said he knew but with the VIP I could sit in some food tent and he could come outside, with his makeup and costume on, so we could take selfies together. After he said that told him I dont support him in what he does. It hurt him worse than I thought it would.

 

Before you people throw your comments at me heres why I dont support him in this.

-One he has permanent injuries from playing football in high school and some college. Doctors have told him that by the age of 40 he will more than likely be stuck in a wheel chair because of a ankle injury. His night job is making that worse. He comes home every night and his ankle is purple and swollen. And he cant walk. He just laughs it off and says "I guess they should make me a zombie now that im walking weird". I never laugh to that because its a real serious issue.

 

-Two its a dangerous job. He always comes home with bruises and scratches and when I ask him how it happened he will laugh and say something like "I scared this lady so bad she punched right square in the arm. It was great." How is getting punched in the arm "Great"?

 

-Three I rarely get to see him now. He is so busy that his off time all he is doing is sleeping. I understand hes tired working 50 plus hours of work plus going to school full time but there isnt time for me in there.

 

-And for four he is almost different now. I knew he liked rock music but one Friday I stopped by his dorm before he left for his night job and he had this loud screamo music playing while he was shaving. I asked him why and he said it helps him get pumped for the night. I never knew he was into that heavy of music.

 

After I told him I dont support him he came back with this

 

- Its his dream job. Hes been wanting to do it since he was 16 but never had a reliable car to do the drive. When he turned 21 he applied and absolutely loved it.

 

- He loves watching families laugh and play pick on each other after he scares someone in a group.

 

- He loves helping little kids with there fears. I will admit this is the best part. When kids are petrified of him he sits down on the ground and shows them hes a normal person by talking to them. Sometimes he will even walk the rest of the house with the kid thats scared to protect them from the monsters.

 

- He loves the recognition. Last year his small home town wrote an article about him in there news paper and his "cool" job. He says it makes the gas money, wear and tear on the vehicle and the bruises worth it to walk into a grocery store in his hometown and have some random group walk up to him and go "You're that guy that gets paid to scare people. Thats soo cool!"

 

Now after all that was said and done he doesnt send me pictures of himself in his makeup and costume and when I ask him how his work weekend went he just says it was okay and switches the subject. Which is odd because I couldnt get him to stop talking about how his weekend went. He always looks sad when that happens too.

 

To make it worse this morning he asked me this,

 

"For Halloween I always imagined my house fully decked out in Halloween decorations." and "Only the brave kids would get my candy". After that he asked me how I see my house looking like on Halloween I said "I wouldn't decorate the house. Maybe a carved pumpkin on the porch but thats it".

 

After I said that he just said Oh and he hasnt talked to me since then.

 

So in short am I the one in the wrong for telling him I dont support him in his night job?

[preraph]

I can't believe you're making a thing out of this. Good grief. He has something he really enjoys. It makes him feel good about himself. It's really fun working at the good haunted houses. I did it once. It's not really dangerous. No one usually gets hit. It does last all night close to Halloween, but you know, it's temporary. You need to suck it up. I mean, I would be offended if anyone poo-pood me for being excited about something and having fun and tried to take all the fun out of it. How will you be if he decides he hates Christmas and doesn't want to do a tree or exchange presents even when you have kids? You guys just may not be a good match. This little sideline of his does you NO harm whatever and you are being a real Scrooge about it and killing his joy. If you loved him, you would want him to pursue things that make him happy.

[WhatIsLove2014]

Leave him be. He knows the risks, he is having fun. It's only for the Halloween season (I'm assuming) so what's the big deal?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm sorry but it appears that it is I who doesn't support your thoughts in this thread. Geez!

 

Seriously, this has NOTHING to do with YOU and everything to do with him doing something HE LOVES TO DO. Why are you so intent on taking that away from him?

 

I'm sorry but your reasons for why you don't support him sound a bit pathetic not to mention immature. Being in a relationship doesn't mean we agree on everything or like all the same things. We don't have want those things for ourselves but we certainly shouldn't poop-poop all over the things that make our partners happy either. That's a one-way ticket back to singledom if you're not careful.

 

So the guy LOVES Halloween, so what?! If he's a good boyfriend and treats you well, you should stop looking for problems and start being grateful for what you have. You want to see what real problems look and feel like? Just peruse the COUNTLESS threads on here of cheating and abusive partners.

 

That should put it into perspective for you.

 

In short, you are the one that is in the wrong. WAY wrong.

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to support it, believe in or like but you do have to understand it's his choice & since he's having so much fun you are raining on his parade.

 

Can you just keep silent?

[bubbletea]

I don't think you're neccesarily in the "wrong" because your feelings are valid too.

 

But if you think about it, Halloween is only once a year. He can have his fun with it and move on. You could bring up that you're worried for his health considering it's hurting his ankle and he gets scratches and bruises. But if you love him you should support his interests too (and he apparently loves doing this).

 

He sounds like a pretty good guy since he has another job and he goes to school also. Why can't you show your support for him by going even if you aren't totally happy with it? I am sure it would mean the world to him.

 

It means a lot to us to have family members/loved ones make the effort and show support even if they won't totally enjoy the evening or whatever. Are you sure you want to make a big deal out of this?

 

I would be worried about him hurting his ankle though. Maybe he can wear a brace or something if he isn't already.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why do you hate everything related to Hallowe'en?

 

I think Hallowe'en isn't the problem here. I think some incompatibilities are starting to surface and as you learn more about him, you're seeing things that are making you hesitate. You're also starting to doubt where you fit in, given that he's so busy.

 

Not sure why you're surprised that he's not talking about work with you anymore. You made you feelings about it clear and it hurt him. Why would he want to share that aspect of his life with you when he knows you don't approve?

[GemmaUK]

Poor guy!

His dream job that he totally loves and he can't even talk about it?

 

Send him to me.

I would LOVE that as weekend job with my man!

 

Right now his ankle is ..his ankle.

In tine he knows it;s not going to last anyway.

A bad ankle does not mean he will be in a wheelchair, not for sure.

I know leg amputees who walk...

[d0nnivain]

FWIW, my EX who was an out of work actor at the time got a job one Halloween being Dracula at one of these things. He scared the beegeesus out of some reporter covering the event for a local public interest story which got him the cover of the Sunday pullout & a bunch of over coverage which really boosted his spirits.

 

OP is your BF is happy let him be. He's not hurting anybody & seems to think it's funny when the patrons "hurt" him.

 

As for his ankle, at some point he will make a decision to medically deal with it but he has to live his life.