d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Me and my ex-fiance of 5.5 years broke up Feb 19. Had ZERO contact at all from May 30th, til last friday. She contacted me about my son and what not. I recorded a video of him telling her how he was with my phone so I didnt have to talk to her. Well she called me, and asked to talk about us again. Said she made a mistake and was sorry. She made the first move, wasn't me. So we've been texting and talking on the phone a lot since. We met up Wednesday, had lunch, chatted and hung out for 5-6hours. She didnt like who I was becoming and things got rough because of stress etc. I worked on me, fixed a lot of things that I didn't like and I feel like a completely different person. I know im different and she has already said she can tell just by our conversations that I am. She loves me. She misses me. but She said she needed to think and make sure this is what she wants to do. She had to move 3 hours away at the last minute, so that might have something to do with it. I know most of you will say "shes just stringing you along", but if you really knew who this girl was you wouldn't say that. Shes the last person to treat people that way. We just hit a rough patch and didn't talk it out. I'd like a womans opinion on this...Thoughts?
Mr Scorpio Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I know most of you will say "shes just stringing you along", but if you really knew who this girl was you wouldn't say that. It seems you are rejecting answers before they arrive. 1
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I'm not rejecting them, I know how some people do that. I've read a lot of stuff on here even tho I don't always reply/comment, and thats a huge thing most people say in response to stuff similar to this. They say if they don't come right out and say "I want you back", not to even talk to them. But how can you really say that about someone if you don't know them personally? Know what I mean?
Standard-Fare Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Really depends on what your problems were (as a couple) in the past, and the degree to which those have actually changed over the last 6 months. We don't have the details on that. You say you've worked to fix a lot of things about yourself, but if your problems were more fundamental than that (i.e. vastly differing desires for your lifestyle, or clashing personality traits), then chances you two would just be repeating history. After 5.5 years and plans of marriage, you obviously know each other very well, so you should have an idea whether the problems were "surface" things that can indeed be fixed.
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Well the issues I had was I always tried to be Mr. Tough guy. I never wanted to feel my emotions, and told her I loved her but never to the extent that women want to hear. I was always afraid to open up to people, fear of being laughed at etc. It sounds stupid and pathetic, but there are alot of people who have these issues. She has told me she notices a huge difference already. I'm not faking it either, I do a lot of things different in my life then I did before. I no longer feel scared to open up, at least with her. Shes about the only person I trust with those feelings not to laugh at me etc. This is a big deal for me b/c I've never ever been able to do that. I even wrote her a letter with everything I wanted to say to her when we met up, just incase I couldn't say it all. I did manage to say about 90% of what I wrote, so she KNOWS I can be that guy she needs. Like you said, we had 5.5 years together and were getting married. No one knows us better, thats why I said i don't think shes stringing me on, she just really does need time to think. I do, however, believe that she wouldn't have reconnected if she wasn't thinking about getting back together. We have a lot of history.
littleblackheart Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 So you've changed. Has she changed too? Have you figured what prompted her to get back in touch now rather than 6 months ago? If you left each other because she didn't like the person you were becoming, how is she to know that you've changed? Is there a bit of wishful thinking on your part because you want her back? I personally would never get back in touch with an ex to rekindle a relationship - at a push, I'd do it to get some form of closure depending on how the relationship ended. I'm not saying this is what is happening, not knowing the details of your relationship, but whatever you do, I'd advise to tread carefully and slowly, if you really felt this is something you'd both want to pursue.
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 So you've changed. Has she changed too? Have you figured what prompted her to get back in touch now rather than 6 months ago? If you left each other because she didn't like the person you were becoming, how is she to know that you've changed? Is there a bit of wishful thinking on your part because you want her back? I personally would never get back in touch with an ex to rekindle a relationship - at a push, I'd do it to get some form of closure depending on how the relationship ended. I'm not saying this is what is happening, not knowing the details of your relationship, but whatever you do, I'd advise to tread carefully and slowly, if you really felt this is something you'd both want to pursue. Well You are half right, I do want her back. However, I am past that point of "I'd do ANYTHING to make that happen". Im not desperate, we're just talking about it. I told her we need to spend more time face to face, hanging out, watching tv etc and go from there. I know I have changed, she may have changed to, only time will tell. I love the woman, but I love her enough to let go if thats what we need to do. Just playing it safe, and taking it slow. I'll prob not speak to her for a couple days, see how that works out. She normally msgs me late in the evening if I dont say something.
littleblackheart Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Well You are half right, I do want her back. However, I am past that point of "I'd do ANYTHING to make that happen". Im not desperate, we're just talking about it. I told her we need to spend more time face to face, hanging out, watching tv etc and go from there. I know I have changed, she may have changed to, only time will tell. I love the woman, but I love her enough to let go if thats what we need to do. Just playing it safe, and taking it slow. I'll prob not speak to her for a couple days, see how that works out. She normally msgs me late in the evening if I dont say something. Well, you seem to have thought it through. Hopefully you'll have it figured out in good time, as long as you don't get too caught up in the moment, keep a healthy distance (by that I mean don't over think it, or think about it day and night) and continue talking to each other. Good luck!
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Well, you seem to have thought it through. Hopefully you'll have it figured out in good time, as long as you don't get too caught up in the moment, keep a healthy distance (by that I mean don't over think it, or think about it day and night) and continue talking to each other. Good luck! Yea its hard not to think about it. She told me the same thing, and how can I not? I mean we were together for so long and now shes back around. Trying to stay grounded, but its def not an easy thing to do Thanks for the kind words!
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