Girls are lazy with dating

[Gloria25]

Oh I dunno Gloria.... You haven't put a neon sign on your head that says "gagging for a shag" yet??? When will you learn eh???

 

Our problem is that we are not going round asking every male standing if they are single and would they pretty please go on a date with us... probably because we are too busy living an actual life rather than moan about it... That and we are too "nice" and get treated like poo by self opinionated idiots who see fit to walk all over you...

 

There are wonderful chaps out there who are just like us, who are not passing the buck or throwing the blame but who are just a bit befuddled as to why its not quite happened yet... We will find them... xxx

 

Girlfriend, I have walked up to guys and given out my tel and have been pretty clear with my interest...

 

So, I disagree with the OP, I think I do a lot to let a guy know I am interested. Now, I do get shy and have my insecurities (i.e. "will X guy even like me?"), but still, I don't see myself as "lazy" when it comes to dating.

[Gloria25]

I feel similarly.

 

I go to the gym, take care of myself, pay my own bills, have a college education. I can cook and clean quite well, love having sex, and have never been unable to make a guy cum from a bj, even the ones who say "you won't be able to, no girl has".

 

But most of all I'm a pretty nice person. I'm kind to others, care about others. Im fair, reasonable, and pretty laid back, and I put my all into relationships.

 

But I don't get the same back. I get treated poorly. I get cheated on and left. I don't get approached often. I can go years without a date, without sex, without a boyfriend, and that is NOT by choice.

 

And naturally, most might say that if I'm getting nothing but crappy men, that I'm the common denominator, and it's my fault. And there's likely a good bit of truth. I'd say it's likely the same for men who continually end up with the lazy entitled girls. The common denominator is you.

 

And of course, it's even easier for me to believe that above statement, when I watch men continually go for the lazy entitled types, and ignore me. It's easy to believe that a man's people picker is off, or he just doesn't know what he wants, when he complains about girls, but keeps going after the same types of girls, passing over the ones who are different.

 

And it would be so easy to just get super bitter and blame all men for the fact that I've had nothing but lousy men, but I know better than that. I know there are wonderful men out there. I just can't get one yet.

 

Girlfriend, I think the problem is that we are fighting biology. While people say we are in different times and women can be independent and all that, I think men deep down inside want a woman that is dependent on them.

 

And, I hate that.

 

Just cuz I have my own stuff and am independent doesn't mean that I'm not capable of caring for a man and/or that I don't need one.

 

I mean, shoot, there's still stuff I can't do. I mean, the other day it took me like three days to finally change a light bulb on my vehicle...lol - and mind you, this is me, who can do amateur plumbing, electronic work, handyman work, etc.

 

Yes, and there's days I wish I had a man. When I am involved with a guy and he drives instead of me, you don't know how much I am so relieved. I hate driving. I'm so glad he'd take over and I can just sit in the passenger's side and look cute

 

There's other times I wish I had a guy, and I'll even say that under my breath. Now, even when a guy tries to do stuff for me, I do resist, but over the years I have learned that although it's something I know I can do or probably do - just let him do it cuz men need to feel useful to the woman they are seeing...So, even in casual RLs, if a guy offers to drive or fix something on my truck, I step back. But eh, I think they take a look around my home and stuff and figure out I'm just pretending that I can't do certain things and they still end up not feeling like they are providing/protecting me.

[Phoe]

Girlfriend, I think the problem is that we are fighting biology. While people say we are in different times and women can be independent and all that, I think men deep down inside want a woman that is dependent on them.

 

And, I hate that.

 

Just cuz I have my own stuff and am independent doesn't mean that I'm not capable of caring for a man and/or that I don't need one.

 

I mean, shoot, there's still stuff I can't do. I mean, the other day it took me like three days to finally change a light bulb on my vehicle...lol - and mind you, this is me, who can do amateur plumbing, electronic work, handyman work, etc.

 

Yes, and there's days I wish I had a man. When I am involved with a guy and he drives instead of me, you don't know how much I am so relieved. I hate driving. I'm so glad he'd take over and I can just sit in the passenger's side and look cute

 

There's other times I wish I had a guy, and I'll even say that under my breath. Now, even when a guy tries to do stuff for me, I do resist, but over the years I have learned that although it's something I know I can do or probably do - just let him do it cuz men need to feel useful to the woman they are seeing...So, even in casual RLs, if a guy offers to drive or fix something on my truck, I step back. But eh, I think they take a look around my home and stuff and figure out I'm just pretending that I can't do certain things and they still end up not feeling like they are providing/protecting me.

 

I'm quite handy too, and I don't think men like it much. My dads a construction worker and when I was little I got brought along sometimes to be his "little helper". I can use powertools, build things, repair basic things, do basic work on my truck, etc.

 

Even just a few days ago in this forum, a man told me that men don't want me because they probably mistake me for another man, and that I need to teeter around in high heels with a dress, like I'm about to fall, and that men will run to catch me and be attracted to me while protecting me. He said that if men aren't willing to catch me then I must be manly.

 

*sigh*

[Gloria25]

I'm quite handy too, and I don't think men like it much. My dads a construction worker and when I was little I got brought along sometimes to be his "little helper". I can use powertools, build things, repair basic things, do basic work on my truck, etc.

 

Even just a few days ago in this forum, a man told me that men don't want me because they probably mistake me for another man, and that I need to teeter around in high heels with a dress, like I'm about to fall, and that men will run to catch me and be attracted to me while protecting me. He said that if men aren't willing to catch me then I must be manly.

 

*sigh*

 

Same thing here, sorta. Growing up, dad got to a point where the money ran out so we did a lot of work around the house. He never thought me about mechanics. My dead sister was the mechanic...lol.

 

But, my dad had nothing but bad things to say about women. He always talked about how stupid women are, so I guess I have been on a mission to prove him wrong...lol.

 

But one thing he did tell me when I was young, he told me that 'I could get more flies with honey than vinegar/salt' - in other words, he told me I need to be sweeter.

 

I mean, not all of his teachings were bad.

 

But yeah, I've heard over the years how if you don't make a man useful, he'll leave. But, cuz of my childhood, I am so bent on being independent and why should I have to change?

 

I mean, these guys get with these "dependent" women and all these women do is be a drag. They get chunky, lazy, sex is lacking, and probably spend up all their money. Then the hos/golddiggers/manipulators? It's like they see you, who won't do that to them and they probably think you're a mirage or something.

 

But, despite me being a "handychick", I still dress in heels. I expect guys to pay on dates (even though I pull out my purse....well, actually I did that on one date and the guy told me 'not to insult him')...I try to let them know I "do" need them in other ways...but I guess that's not enough?

 

Just one guy, the guy I was with like for 6 years actually told me that he 'liked me cuz he doesn't have to care for me'. Now, see how long that lasted? I have yet to find a guy comfortable with me that just will give me my space...I mean, I do not neglect my men. I've had sex when I don't feel like it. I'll even cook a meal for them. I take care of my body. I don't know what more to do.

[Phoe]

Just one guy, the guy I was with like for 6 years actually told me that he 'liked me cuz he doesn't have to care for me'. Now, see how long that lasted? I have yet to find a guy comfortable with me that just will give me my space...I mean, I do not neglect my men. I've had sex when I don't feel like it. I'll even cook a meal for them. I take care of my body. I don't know what more to do.

 

Personally, I'd rather keep being happy with myself and wait a long time to find someone, than change myself. Knowing my luck, I could change myself, still get no interest, and then be unhappy with myself.

 

I wore dresses a lot in college, and college was the worst time for me dating wise. Was single the entire 4 years, and the 2 years after. Wearing dresses clearly made no difference.

 

Nor do I think being lazy would actually help. If I stopped putting effort into even one aspect of my life, Im pretty sure I'd only be hindering myself.

 

I'll just keep being myself, won't be lazy, and will wait as long as it takes to find a man who likes me and treats me nicely.

[WhatIsLove2014]

 

I'll just keep being myself, won't be lazy, and will wait as long as it takes to find a man who likes me and treats me nicely.

 

That's a great mindset, Phoe. My last guy wanted to change damn near everything about me and I did and I was unhappy, I ended it. Now, I'm slowly but surely returning to being myself.

[Keenly]

Men just have a strong need to feel appreciated. When they feel appreciated and valued, they are usually pretty content.

 

 

 

When a man feels like his significant other doesn't appreciate him or doesn't even care if he is around that can really start to affect a man.

 

 

Women do, most of the time, take the passive role in dating. At least in the first month or two. I can't necessarily blame them, but at the same time I wish men and women would more open and honest about their feelings and desires. Every day that goes by the idea.of dating just gets more and more exhausting. More stupid rules to follow. More games to play. Say this, don't say that. Blah blah blah.

 

 

Used to be easy when people were genuine.

[Mr Scorpio]

In dating, and in general, girls just have stuff handed to them IMO.

 

Also, forgot to say, most girls need to hit the gym.... but don't

 

Despite this a lot of girls can't even give head properly - so take that to the bank.

 

I'm sorry OP, but did you have a question? Ways to improve your situation? Ways to reach a greater understanding of the female perspective as it relates to this particular subtopic?

 

Yep, good analogy. My generalisation was just that chicks have way more of an tendency to do that because the abundance comes to them.

 

[Phoe]

Men just have a strong need to feel appreciated. When they feel appreciated and valued, they are usually pretty content.

 

 

 

When a man feels like his significant other doesn't appreciate him or doesn't even care if he is around that can really start to affect

 

Why does being appreciated automatically equate to a woman being helpless?

 

Why do I need to be helpless, and NEED a man, in order to appreciate him?

 

Why do I need to rely on a man's money, rely on him to provide, rely on him to do physical things and protect me, in order to make him feel good?

 

I don't NEED anything. I'm not a damsel in distress. Im strong. But I do want love. Very much so.

 

if a man treats me well and loves me, I am over the moon appreciative about it. Why is that not enough?

[OwMyEyeball]

I'm sorry OP, but did you have a question? Ways to improve your situation? Ways to reach a greater understanding of the female perspective as it relates to this particular subtopic?

Nah

 

In general, guys are too lazy to make sound arguments or ask for advice. Yes it’s a generalisation but it’s a true one. Any guy can scream from the rooftops that it’s not true but the FACT is that it is true generally speaking. Guys are definitely lazy when it comes to making sense. Why? Because they can be.

[Frank2thepoint]

I know there are wonderful men out there. I just can't get one yet.

 

There are wonderful chaps out there who are just like us, who are not passing the buck or throwing the blame but who are just a bit befuddled as to why its not quite happened yet... We will find them... xxx

 

So, I disagree with the OP, I think I do a lot to let a guy know I am interested. Now, I do get shy and have my insecurities (i.e. "will X guy even like me?"), but still, I don't see myself as "lazy" when it comes to dating.

 

I'm right here ladies. Single and willing to travel.

 

 

 

 

I think men deep down inside want a woman that is dependent on them.

 

...

 

Now, even when a guy tries to do stuff for me, I do resist, but over the years I have learned that although it's something I know I can do or probably do - just let him do it cuz men need to feel useful to the woman they are seeing...

 

As a man I will tell you that I want/need for my woman to genuinely want/need me. There is nothing wrong with a woman being independent in my manly opinion, but you do have to understand the definition of being independent. You are self-sufficient. What you have said about how you own your home, vehicle, pay your own bills, have a career, and an education is wonderful about you. But you have to think a bit like a man concerning those achievements. How would a man fit into your life? How could he contribute? How could he be part of your life?

 

A relationship by definition is dependence. You rely on the other person for something, which most likely is companionship. But there are many intricacies involved with companionship. It's not tangible and logical. But one way you can start is focus on what you need a man for and voice those requirements in hope you could attract the man that will provide those needs.

 

 

Why does being appreciated automatically equate to a woman being helpless?

 

Why do I need to be helpless, and NEED a man, in order to appreciate him?

 

Why do I need to rely on a man's money, rely on him to provide, rely on him to do physical things and protect me, in order to make him feel good?

 

I don't NEED anything. I'm not a damsel in distress. Im strong. But I do want love. Very much so.

 

if a man treats me well and loves me, I am over the moon appreciative about it. Why is that not enough?

 

Some men want the helpless damsel in distress. Those men feel wanted/needed through sheer dependence on them. It is a power trip to be the one to provide succor. There are also men, such as myself, that appreciate a self-sufficient woman. Strong, smart, capable. If you want love, companionship, then voice those wants/needs to men in hopes of attracting a man that has no problem with your self-sufficiency. For example, I have three requirements that a woman must meet to attract me. Be affectionate, because I am an affectionate man. Be communicative, because I am communicative, and want the woman to share whats on her mind, such as I would. And finally not take me for granted.

[Keenly]

Why does being appreciated automatically equate to a woman being helpless?

 

Why do I need to be helpless, and NEED a man, in order to appreciate him?

 

Why do I need to rely on a man's money, rely on him to provide, rely on him to do physical things and protect me, in order to make him feel good?

 

I don't NEED anything. I'm not a damsel in distress. Im strong. But I do want love. Very much so.

 

if a man treats me well and loves me, I am over the moon appreciative about it. Why is that not enough?

 

You don't have to be helpless. I think you are misunderstanding the context of the word need in my explanation.

 

 

When I say men want to feel needed and appreciated, I mean men want to feel that their woman wants him around. He is needed not for the tangible things he can provide, but the intangible things he provides. Security, love, affection, support, back massages.

 

That kind of stuff. You don't have to be a damsil in distress to make a man feel needed.

[Gloria25]

You don't have to be helpless. I think you are misunderstanding the context of the word need in my explanation.

 

 

When I say men want to feel needed and appreciated, I mean men want to feel that their woman wants him around. He is needed not for the tangible things he can provide, but the intangible things he provides. Security, love, affection, support, back massages.

 

That kind of stuff. You don't have to be a damsil in distress to make a man feel needed.

 

Well, not "damsels in distress" per se...Lemme use a couple of examples:

 

(1) One guy dumped me for some chick who had no job and wasn't even going to school...While she wasn't some bimbo with three different baby daddies, none the less, she was just a slug with nothing going on - waiting for some guy to rescue her.

 

(2) One of my siblings went through this. He married this chick straight from her parent's house. She never been on her own. Now, when they moved in together and before they married - she worked. But, she "mismanaged" the money (was spending it on herself) and she couldn't do basic things like cooking. She got chunky and so did my sibling. When his health was going bad and he was trying to get in shape, she ridiculed him.

 

She also had no life. She just wanted to go home and visit her family all the time. She would not get out and do anything and/or try to meet new friends. She actually was soo lonely, that she once had a cousin of hers and her bf move in with them.

 

She also was adamant about getting pregnant. Thank God they didn't get her knocked up cuz I guarantee that she would quit working.

 

Well, then the sex stopped. She used sex to manipulate him. Once he got fed up and filed for divorce, her sex drive reappeared - to the extent that he went to the house and found her in bed with another guy. I think she did it to f-with him.

 

I told him: 'Stay away from her or you're gonna end up dead, broke, and/or in jail'. Now, when I say things like that. I am serious. I was concerned about him and what this chick was trying to do to him.

 

Well, she set up that whole 'guy in bed thing' cuz she knew what time he'd be coming to check his mail and stuff during their separation. He fought with the guy and thank God no one called the police and/or nobody got killed.

 

She also threatened suicide several times after he announced divorce. I got so mad and told him to stop worrying about her and to call 911. If she indeed is a harm to herself, they will send her to a hospital for a few days to evaluate her mental state and get her squared away.

 

So, he did end up broke. Now, she's back at her parent's home and finally got her dream baby (with no marriage).

 

I'm just saying' there's lots of chicks out there like what my sibling went through - in one form or another.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Gloria25

[somedude81]

I feel similarly.

 

I go to the gym, take care of myself, pay my own bills, have a college education. I can cook and clean quite well, love having sex, and have never been unable to make a guy cum from a bj, even the ones who say "you won't be able to, no girl has".

 

But most of all I'm a pretty nice person. I'm kind to others, care about others. Im fair, reasonable, and pretty laid back, and I put my all into relationships.

 

But I don't get the same back. I get treated poorly. I get cheated on and left. I don't get approached often. I can go years without a date, without sex, without a boyfriend, and that is NOT by choice.

 

And naturally, most might say that if I'm getting nothing but crappy men, that I'm the common denominator, and it's my fault. And there's likely a good bit of truth. I'd say it's likely the same for men who continually end up with the lazy entitled girls. The common denominator is you.

 

And of course, it's even easier for me to believe that above statement, when I watch men continually go for the lazy entitled types, and ignore me. It's easy to believe that a man's people picker is off, or he just doesn't know what he wants, when he complains about girls, but keeps going after the same types of girls, passing over the ones who are different.

 

And it would be so easy to just get super bitter and blame all men for the fact that I've had nothing but lousy men, but I know better than that. I know there are wonderful men out there. I just can't get one yet.

 

You should never feel that you have to change yourself for a man. If you get that impression from a guy that your not good enough as you are now, that means he is the wrong guy for you.

 

Hopefully you've learned that lesson from your most recent relationship.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Men just have a strong need to feel appreciated. When they feel appreciated and valued, they are usually pretty content.

 

 

When a man feels like his significant other doesn't appreciate him or doesn't even care if he is around that can really start to affect a man.

 

 

Women do, most of the time, take the passive role in dating. At least in the first month or two. I can't necessarily blame them, but at the same time I wish men and women would more open and honest about their feelings and desires. Every day that goes by the idea.of dating just gets more and more exhausting. More stupid rules to follow. More games to play. Say this, don't say that. Blah blah blah.

 

 

Used to be easy when people were genuine.

 

I'm sorry but this is the same flag women have been waving regarding what we want and need from our men.

 

It goes both ways my friend.

[Keenly]

I'm sorry but this is the same flag women have been waving regarding what we want and need from our men.

 

It goes both ways my friend.

 

I always fulfill my end of the bargain. I get great pleasure from making my S.O. happy.

[StanMusial]

I think OP has a skewed viewpoint due to OLD.

 

As for Gloria and Phoe if you can operate a tractor and a chainsaw I would put you to work clearing brush on the back 40. LOL.

[most_distant_galaxy]

As girls won't admit they are lazy with dating, boys won't admit that they love it when girls make them feel uncertain.

 

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't do more things in a new relationship than I would do in a new friendship. I keep the interaction going, sure, but nothing dramatic or drastic. I am more giving to people who have been in my life for a while, or have done things for me that not many people would do.

[Divasu]

Most guys don't have a clue - I agree. It's actually harder to make a girl cum than it is a guy by the way.

 

Huh?! We have no control over the creation of our private parts. If only it were easy to pass go and collect $200.00 the world would probably be a much better place.

[preraph]

Most guys don't have a clue - I agree. It's actually harder to make a girl cum than it is a guy by the way.

 

Giving head isn't particularly erotic for women, number one. A lot of girls would gladly give up getting head if it meant no more giving it.

 

As far as harder to make a girl -- it's just as easy for a girl to get herself off as it is for you to get yourself off, so what does that tell you?

Edited October 28, 2014 by preraph

[SpiralOut]

If a girl is lazy with dating, most likely she put lots of effort into some jerk who didn't appreciate her efforts. So from now on she doesn't put in much work at first, not until she's decided that this guy is worth the effort.

 

 

That's how I see it, anyway.

[preraph]

Why does being appreciated automatically equate to a woman being helpless?

 

Why do I need to be helpless, and NEED a man, in order to appreciate him?

 

Why do I need to rely on a man's money, rely on him to provide, rely on him to do physical things and protect me, in order to make him feel good?

 

I don't NEED anything. I'm not a damsel in distress. Im strong. But I do want love. Very much so.

 

if a man treats me well and loves me, I am over the moon appreciative about it. Why is that not enough?

 

I'm not sure, but I theorize that it's because they feel if they're needed, this gives them some leverage. I'm still puzzled by it, though.

[boilingpoint]

Giving head isn't particularly erotic for women, number one. A lot of girls would gladly give up getting head if it meant no more giving it.

 

As far as harder to make a girl -- it's just as easy for a girl to get herself off as it is for you to get yourself off, so what does that tell you?

 

Not much. To get a guy off all you gotta do is suck it without biting it or squeezing the life out of it.

 

Going down on a girl is like WTF do I do here?!!?

[xxoo]

When a woman really wants a man, she's gonna work. Mark my words.

[sillyanswer]

When a woman really wants a man, she's gonna work. Mark my words.

 

I like making them work for it.