heartbroken1357 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on a situation thats come on quite suddenly. I'd been through a bad couple of years and over the last 13 months I managed to better myself, find a better Job move out etc I felt independent and it was great I didn't need anybody. That was until about 5 weeks ago a friend of mine who I've known for years 'hooked' me up with one of her close friends, we hit it off really quickly, we spent nearly ever night together (bar 2) I'm in my mid 20s and she her earlys, I'd never built a bond so quickly with someone That felt so surreal it was amazing and I'd never felt anything like it, I tried holding a wall up but I fell for her hard, and she fell even before I did, she would constantly say how crazy she was about me and even got her friend to pressure me into making it official. Last week she went away for a few days, at the start she waa constantly messaging me saying how much she missed me and that she had got me all these presents, within 48 hours she had gone really off and didn't seem herself, I questioned this and she said her feelings had changed. I went and saw her in person to try and work things out, she went on to tell me she was still getting abuse from her ex and she wasn't ready for a relationship as she hadn't had anytime to be herself, told me I was an amazing guy but it's just not the right time, that we could still see each other, but it wouldn't matter who I was she just needed to be 100% on her own. I feel completely shocked and lost, part of me wants to just tell her how I feel and it seems a waste to throw away what we have in terms of the bond. but the other part of me tells me to close her out, I'm finding it extremely hard to concentrate atm, it just feels as if though everything I've done over the last year has been ruined Edited October 7, 2014 by heartbroken1357
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Well, sounds like the ex will always be there to screw her life, until he finds something else to screw. The best thing is for her to get away from the ex. For you, you will have to take a back seat and let things play out. You are both young, so who knows what may turn around later on in life. Some peeps hate the friend zone, but if you love her, you can be there for her as a good friend. She needs to get herself in order, gain self confidence and break ties with her ex. Once she has done all that, you can return to being closer. I see that as doable, just getting her to work on that can be a challenge.
Author heartbroken1357 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 That's exactly as I hope it to plan out in fairness they were together engaged for years and it's only been a few months since they split, she knows he's an arsehole I just don't understand why she's allowing him to get between her and us being happy, she cried and said she's afraid of commitment to a relationship.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Strange as it seems, women who are abused will turn back to the abuser. She needs self confidence and personal strength. Being there for her and reassurance in that she is not alone, and show she has something to believe in within herself. If she does this on her own, it will take a lot out of her, break her further. She needs to learn acceptance and trust do exist in a loving manner, and being controlled by her ex is damaging her emotional stability in acceptance.
SoThatHappened Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 The ex came back into the picture. I'd bet my truck he's back in her life. It happens, man. It's not your fault. She has a history with him and still loves him. Don't beat yourself up. Become a ghost and live your life independently of her.
Marco Valerio Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I completely agree with "sothathappened". She is no over her ex, she has work to do on her own. You should let her be and decide what she wants without you in the picture. If you stay you might get hurt and feel used. Take care of yourself, remember, that's what she's doing, looking for her own interest (if she wanted you she wouldn't let you go -common sense-) Cheer up friend!!! 1
me85 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you. You were her rebound. I hope coming here helps you. It helped me. Just be glad it was short lived between you and her. You'll have ups and downs but you'll find someone again. Chin up!
Author heartbroken1357 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 I hear what you guys are saying but I don't think him back her life is the case, he treated hwr awfully and left her for someone else, he begged her back and she flat out rejected him, more to the point they can't go near each other and her family hate him.
SoThatHappened Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 heartbroken, Really think about how a person's attitude/feelings can change in a matter of hours. You'll figure it out soon enough.
Author heartbroken1357 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 So an update, a week and a bit on, I stopped talking to her after I made the mistake of looking weak trying to work things out, she continued to directly respond to my snap chat stories and try to make conversation with me, I politely made general chit chat, last Thursday I dropped some of her stuff off and she thanked me and continued to talk to me that evening. The next day I had a funeral to attend and had lost a school friend at the age of 23 so it was an awful day, what really griped me is that she had the audacity to message me "Hey hope today went okay, just to let you know I asked for space buy you pushed me away maybe in the future things can be different but for now I need to be on my own " We spoke a bit and I was obviously emotional due to the nature of the day, the next day I apologised and explained it had been a tough day, even though it was really insensitive of her to message me that day. The next day she wished me happy birthday I replied with a polite thankyou and haven't spoke to her since, over the last 5 days she's been liking my facebook statuses and snap chatting me, I think she's throwing breadcrumbs but I ain't biting. yesterday was oddly the most difficult day yet and I slept all evening through till today, and let alot of emotion out, mixed with weird dreams. however today I'm hyperactive and exstaticly high, I know I deserve better I just don't like loosing people out of my life and genuinely care for her when I really shouldn't I just hope this high lasts and I can stay in this mindset of knowing I deserve better
Author heartbroken1357 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Hi all, I'm starting to come to terms with my breakup, and am starting to feel better, I finally mustered the ability to block my ex out on all social media and delete her number and it's already helping, we didn't end on a bad note, she just wasn't commited, I want to be friends with her but for now I think I need space to remove those feelings of affection I have for her, has anyone here gained relief from in time seeing an ex in a friendly manner, rather then not at all? The issue I have now is days are merging and blurring into each other, we've been split 3 weeks and I haven't spent a night with her in a month, yet it feels like yesterday I saw her and we spoke and she lay here next to me, I've lost a month just like that, the week before the split we went out for a meal and to me when I look into that memory it felt like a week ago at most.. is this normal during a breakup any tips of dealing with this, it's making me feel awful Thanks, J
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