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If you invite someone and they keep turning it down

Darren2013

By Darren2013
in General Relationship Discussion

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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What if you invited a friend or family member or significant other over to your house or to a party or a dinner and they turned you down repeatedly but they always invite you over to their house? Would you continue to accept their invitations or would you begin to turn them down as well? They always invite you over to their place but they don't accept invitations to your place.

 

In other words is it a red flag if someone gives but hardly receives when you want to give? I mean in the above scenario if they invite you all the time but never accept your invites then you are the one getting all the free food so why not take advantage of that?

Edited by Darren2013
LifeNomad Established Member

LifeNomad

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mmm maybe ask them straight up whats up with them, y don't they want to go etc, I mean it could be them just not wanting too because they think its boring, it could be something more serious like maybe social anxiety etc, I would try asking

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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What if you invited a friend or family member or significant other over to your house or to a party or a dinner and they turned you down repeatedly but they always invite you over to their house?

 

 

Which is it?

 

 

How often is repeatedly? Have they got children (childcare issues)? How big is your place? Are you always inviting them on the same day? (i.e. always on a Saturday evening, when they have other regular commitments?)

 

 

Next time you're at theirs, you could maybe say something along the lines of 'hey you know, it's just occurred to me that I'm always coming to your house but you haven't been to mine in ages - how about I treat you to [insert signature dish here] at mine next time?' and see how they react?

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Yeah, it depends...you need to be more specific.

 

Cuz, I've had gfs that I'd prefer I go to their house more cuz they had a lake at their house and/or there was more to do in their area. Plus, I didn't want them to go to the hassle of driving to me since I decided to move so far into the suburbs.

 

Then, I have had gfs who just live too far away. Thankfully if we'd be like close to each other's hood, we'd give each other the heads up and meet in between.

 

When it comes to a SO, I can't say that it's been a "necessity" for them to come to my place more than theirs. I prefer the guys I'm seeing to come to my place cuz lol, it's more convenient for me.

 

When it comes to family, it doesn't really matter. I don't mind going to them or them coming to me.

 

But nah, I can't think if I've ever had an instance where either I or another person preferred mine or their place more.

 

Now yeah, I can say that regardless if I'm doing the inviting or going over to someone's place I always am either bringing something to eat, helping with the cooking/cleaning etc. I guess I like to give more than receive. That's something I need to work on...lol.

Standard-Fare Established Member

Standard-Fare

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How old are you and your friends, OP?

 

I think a lot of people, as they grow beyond the "go out drinking" days, start nesting/settling, and get a little too comfortable being confined to their own homes. Especially if they're married, and double that if they're married with children. Their idea of a social life becomes inviting people to their own house.

 

I don't necessarily think this is healthy or cool, but I've seen it happen with a lot of friends of mine past age 30. It's a struggle to get anyone to leave their own places.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It depends on what & why.

 

I have a group of friends who love to go camping. My idea of camping is when room service is late. :D Every year they invite me on camping trips. I have never gone. We do lots of other stuff together but not that.

 

My late uncle was agoraphobic. He had anxiety attacks when he had to leave his house. Everybody always invited him & My aunt places. They never accepted yet they would entertain all the time & it was fun to go to their house.

 

So I wouldn't play games & stop attending their functions because they don't come to yours.

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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Thank you. An invitation is just that. An option to go but it isn't mandatory. An invitation is nothing like a court summons or a summons to your bosses's office. Therefore I don't need to feel bad about turning down an invite as long as it is clearly spelled out as an invite and not a summons.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

Posted
Posted
Thank you. An invitation is just that. An option to go but it isn't mandatory. An invitation is nothing like a court summons or a summons to your bosses's office. Therefore I don't need to feel bad about turning down an invite as long as it is clearly spelled out as an invite and not a summons.

 

This is confusing - are you the one inviting people around and refusing their invitations? If this is the case, if you refuse politely and no-one is presenting it like it's a summons (who even does that ??), if they haven't mentioned anything to you and still come over to your house then all is fine, no?

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Thank you. An invitation is just that. An option to go but it isn't mandatory. An invitation is nothing like a court summons or a summons to your bosses's office. Therefore I don't need to feel bad about turning down an invite as long as it is clearly spelled out as an invite and not a summons.

 

Well, depends...

 

If they keep on inviting you and you turn it down, they're gonna start wondering why.

 

I had a gf who I didn't want to spend much time with (she's lots of drama). But, cuz we had good times, I didn't want to end it. I just wanted to limit my contact with her cuz I figure you have different "levels" of friends and you do different activities based on the level of friendship.

 

Anywho, she kept on inviting me out and I turned her down a few times. When I did show up for something, I didn't stay long. Then, she started insisting on visiting me, and I also told her I was busy and stuff (well, some times I really was busy). Well, she suspected something was up and we had it out.

 

I mean, I hated not being upfront with her, but she's the type of person that just doesn't get it. She won't take responsibility for her actions. So, even if I tried to tell her how I felt, she would have turned it on me.

 

BTW, this is the "friend" I had with the dog who bit the maintenance guy and she's like "oh, my dog is just the best".

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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Yeah saying I am busy is a good excuse and probably more often than not I use it as an excuse even on an unconscious level. People in general make time for what they consider important.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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Yeah saying I am busy is a good excuse and probably more often than not I use it as an excuse even on an unconscious level. People in general make time for what they consider important.

 

Depends...

 

Cuz, when I turned down a hook-up with my crush I was tired and I had to draft some important documents for submission later in the week. Actually I was one day late with those docs. Imagine if I didn't work on them and was busy with him.

 

Also, I didn't want a one-time hook-up and I wasn't gonna drop everything I'm doing to get with a guy who isn't even someone I'm dating. A guy I'm dating, I'll be flexible with. So, while I wanted to get with him, the circumstances didn't allow for it. But, I did follow up with him to try to set up another day/time. So, yes, we all get busy, but what counts is if the person "keeps on" using the same "I'm busy" excuse w/o a counter-offer.

 

The gf I recently ended it with? Part of it had to do with her, but part of it had to do with me being so busy.

 

Right now I'm reluctant to seek out friends to do things with cuz although things are slow with me right now, when things picks up I might not have time to dedicate to my friends that I'd like to have.

 

So, I don't want my busy schedule to interfere with friendships that I want to nurture.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, it's the socially polite way of freezing someone out. Saw it a lot with the rich folks I grew up with. Move on.

spanz1 Established Member

spanz1

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I would definitely blow them off.

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