Author lucy_in_disguise Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I thought I'd post an update on this 6-month old thread. My fwb and I are officially in a relationship. Over the course of 6 months we went from drunken hookup, to fwb, to an extended undefined but monogamous situation, to him finaly asking me to be his girlfriend. Im not sure how the change of heart happened for him, but I didnt really expect this, and was warned by everyone here that it would probably never happen. But so far, things have been really great. Our relationship- already fun and based on honesty and a solid friendahip - hasnt changed much besides him being even more sweet and affectionate and introducing me to everyone as his gf now. Im really happy. 1
h0000 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I turned my FWB to my bf after 6 months. lol and 6 months later he broke up with me. well I suppose most of the relationships don't work and I wouldn't necessarily blame it on FWB.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. I would feel odd bringing up a relationship when I've been booty-calling him this whole time and we've not had any discussion re: goals, pasts, or feelings. I think it will just make me seem crazy. I think my best bet is to back off and see if he is capable of initiating. If/ when he does, I'll keep our interactions erring on the side of friendship vs benefits, and explain that while it was fun, I'm not comfortable with that arrangement on an on-going basis. We were friends (shared interest) before we started hooking up and I'm hoping it's still possible, at this point, to go back to that. If he likes me romantically, at that point the ball will be in his court. I am, in fact, not comfortable with the casual sex. I don't have a moral stance against it but the riskiness isn't my thing. Actually the reason I am contemplating all of this now, is I am pretty sure he gave me either a uti, or std, underscoring the drawbacks of this arrangement. I got into this because I wanted to experiment after a long relationship, but at this point i feel like I've had my fun. One thing I will never understand about men is the aversion to going from fwb to relationship, tho. It seems like a good fwb is basically ideal... Someone u are attracted to, who is your friend. Guys fall for their friends all the time yet as soon as sex is involved, the romantic interest is over? I wouldn't assume he is "attracted to" you just because he likes to f**k you occasionally. Men can enjoy sex with a chick with a paper bag covering her head. Sorry that was so blunt, just the cold hard facts..
PinkCarnations Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I went through this exact scenario. Met a cute younger guy at a bar (through hanging out with mutual friends), and decided to have a one night stand with him. One night turned into several nights, and I began to fall for him. I would refer to him as my fwb to friends, but Im not sure if he ever thought of us that way or naively thought that's just how the beginning of a relationship typically worked. Btw, he's 23, and I'm 26. A month after we met, he went on a military deployment. Since I was the last person he was intimate with, he talked to me a lot while on the ship. We got to know each other through chatting back and forth, and he ended up falling for me, I guess. He told me he loves me, and now we're officially dating. So there u have it, you could def turn your fwb to your bf.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I wouldn't assume he is "attracted to" you just because he likes to f**k you occasionally. Men can enjoy sex with a chick with a paper bag covering her head. Sorry that was so blunt, just the cold hard facts.. ^^Nevermind. I just read the update. Congrats!
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 You stopped the sex for a while, which I guess made him sit up and notice first, then you slowly built up a connection with him which was not all about the sex, until he realised he had fallen for you.
ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 About a month ago, I asked out a casual acquaintance of mine, and ended up sleeping with him on our first "date". I don't feel like kicking myself over this, so let's skip over the part where you tell me I'm stupid. I got out of a long-term relationship a few months ago so was open to slutting it up a little before settling down. Since this guy is 5 years younger than me (he's 23) I didn't initially consider him a serious prospect. Since then, we've been hanging out a few tines a week. I usually initiate (though he's more than responsive) .we do more than have sex but our get-togethers are very fwb. We will play games and bang. Or, most recently, go out drinking and bang. It's all good fun but Im really attracted to him and starting to get bored with this arrangement. Im looking for a relationship and feel ready to start dating in earnest again. I'd like to date him - but am not certain he's interested in a relationship, or if I should even bring it up at this point. Thoughts? This is very much one of those instances where you are in my opinion better off asking than wondering. Chances are he does enjoy your company. To use a rather tired cliché, if you don't try you don't know!
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 This is very much one of those instances where you are in my opinion better off asking than wondering. Chances are he does enjoy your company. To use a rather tired cliché, if you don't try you don't know! Read the thread. She did try, she does know, and now they are bf/gf.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I thought I'd post an update on this 6-month old thread. My fwb and I are officially in a relationship. Over the course of 6 months we went from drunken hookup, to fwb, to an extended undefined but monogamous situation, to him finaly asking me to be his girlfriend. Im not sure how the change of heart happened for him, but I didnt really expect this, and was warned by everyone here that it would probably never happen. But so far, things have been really great. Our relationship- already fun and based on honesty and a solid friendahip - hasnt changed much besides him being even more sweet and affectionate and introducing me to everyone as his gf now. Im really happy. Congratulations. I'm really happy to hear this. I think one of the things that made him change his mind is the fact that you took his words at face value and pursued a friendship. You stepped back from having sex with him made him perceive a higher value of you as a woman. And isn't that what most men want? A woman with self-respect and high values who doesn't chase, which in fact made him chase you in return. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 This happens more often than people think. My best friend is engaged to her FWB, my brother and his gf started as FWB and has been together for over 5 years etc etc. I dunno, I am starting to question all the common wisdom and black and white advice.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 This happens more often than people think. My best friend is engaged to her FWB, my brother and his gf started as FWB and has been together for over 5 years etc etc. I dunno, I am starting to question all the common wisdom and black and white advice. E_S, I'm beginning to think that all the rules and advices aren't one size fits all. There are anomalies, and the rules/advices are just there to protect the person who's more emotional. I don't doubt people who are FWBs can be in relationship but again it also depends on the person and their circumstances. Most of the time, I find that it's how the person conducts themselves throughout the whole ordeal. There are people who face rejection, accepts it, and move on, and the person of affection comes back. Then there are the people who face rejection, becomes whiny and needy; subsequently begs, and they repel the person away. 1
Recommended Posts