Should I continue the fight? NC30 and disparately need more voices.

[Miss_S]

I'll try to be very short and sweet. I desperately need some other voices because I'm drowning in mine...

 

Long distance, 5 months together. He's 36 (I'm 28). He's an egoistic, ambitious and driven man. Its begins like any other beautiful love story. Love, passion, sparks. He was the one who's more committed, talking about the future all the time.

 

One day, a discussion about me disapproving his smoking habit, he went cold. Weeks later, he break things up, saying he could no longer love me the way he did because I couldn't accept him for who he is. Prior that, I've already told him, Bcoz he meant something, and I want him to be happy, I wouldn't stop him. I will still nag bcoz I'm concerned of his health, but I wouldn't stop him.

 

So, he broke up (I agreed). The next day I realised this is just a hiccup in the relationship whh we can work through. He disagrees. One week later I wrote an email and tried again (not really begging but trying to reason). He sorta say that unlike a car, a relationship can't be mend.

 

I exited. Completely. A couple days from that, he changed the password to our common email account (whh he agrees not to). He liked my instagram photo. He msged 2 weeks later telling me his work has been tough. I replied "professionally" asking him to hang on. He asked me to be happy. And we ended there. That was the last.

 

Now, it another 2 weeks, 30 days since the email asking him to reconsider. I am fine, still think about him, still misses all the time. But I'm not in a wreck. I'm thinking if I should msg him, with the intention of finding out how he feel, to reignite some sparks. But he hasn't msg, isn't that obvious he's more than over me? I dunnoe what I should do. Recently I've restless night where I dreamt of us msging... Maybe for me to cut off this last tie, I am to msg and be broken?

 

Please....

[Early Bird]

I would say don't do it. You already sent him an emaIL explaining how you felt and what you wanted, right? There's no need for you to do anymore, the ball is in his court. Remember that to keep your mind at peace and not constantly wonder if there's more you could have done.

 

Also, emailing him again is just going to entertain the thought of you two getting back together. Don't let yourself raise your hopes up only to be devastated. The best thing you can do is keep NC and focus on yourself. He knows how to reach you.

 

Stay strong!

[Miss_S]

Thanks Early bird, I guess the options are clear, just that I'm unclear. I guess a part of me wanna reconnect so that he's reminded of what he's missing out. But I know what you meant...

 

I know if he wants a 2nd try, I'd have agreed to, if we can openly discussed what went wrong. And really, everything we had in between us are so beautiful that I really want that. But it's up to him like you say, no point fighting for a worthless cause.

 

Thanks again.

[Miss_S]

I'm at it again. I'm fine, I really am. Chanced upon some emails we used to write to each other. The level of connectivity, I just can't believe it can be broken by just a silly issue. This will just crush my faith in love.

 

Can I pick up this with the ex again? So that even if I walked alway, I do not lose faith in love?

 

Or should I just delete my last source of contact with him?

[Zahara]

I'm at it again. I'm fine, I really am. Chanced upon some emails we used to write to each other. The level of connectivity, I just can't believe it can be broken by just a silly issue. This will just crush my faith in love.

 

This is where you project YOUR value on the relationship when he is clearly showing you how he feels about what you two had. It wasn't broken by a silly issue. I think the silly issue was used as an excuse to end it with you. He was probably looking for a way out.

 

Can I pick up this with the ex again? So that even if I walked alway, I do not lose faith in love?

 

No, you don't pick up with someone that has rejected you. It's their responsibility to win you and the trust back. You don't go chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you. Walking away doesn't mean you lose faith in love. Walking away just means moving on from something that is broken.

 

Or should I just delete my last source of contact with him?

 

Yes, delete if it is keeping you from moving on.

[SoThatHappened]

It's not easy, but Zahara is absolutely right.

 

You're thinking, "How can he just let this love/passion/connectivity go?" Well, who knows why, but he did. Does it make sense? Probably not. But it was his choice.

 

I wouldn't get back with him, and I'd advise you work on NOT wanting to get back with him.

 

Think of it this way: If he does come back, it would take a lot of time and effort to regain your trust. It's not worth it, in my opinion.

 

If my ex came crying to me to get back together, it would take so long to regain my trust, that we probably wouldn't even make it to the point where I could trust her again before breaking up.

 

Get rid of EVERYTHING. Remove every possible reminder of him from your life (i.e. texts, emails, gifts, even a coffee mug he bought for you... everything).