skip13 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Well I recently wrote about a 2000+ word letter about what's happened to me recently but I in no way want to put that down here and I doubt anyone want to read it so I guess I just want to give a quick summary. I've never had much of a relationship because I've never really wanted one. I'm 25 and returned to college after a few years off. I've had plenty of shorter relationships where it was implied neither of us were looking for anything long term. I've really just never been able to get that emotionally attached to anyone and have never had much problems after breaking up. Not sure why it's just the way I've been. I recently met a younger girl here who I would never normally see myself with but for some reason it was completely different. There were so many reason to say no but for the first time in my life none of it mattered. I've lusted and crushed many times but with her I don't know what it was. We were so comfortable from the very beginning. She stayed at my place 3+ nights a week for over the first month. She was very affectionate and for the first time in my life i was very affectionate back. I'm not the type of person who believes in fate or destiny or anything like that but for some reason I felt like she was so different. I seriously loved everything about this girl, the way she snorted when she laughed and how she loved old black and white movies, and her frizzy hair and her big brown eyes... I couldn't get enough. I had no clue what to do and so although I treated her much differently and more affectionately than i had any other girl I never actually talked to her about being in a relationship. It hadn't been that long and I wasn't sure if that's what she was looking for plus I didn't want to scare her away. Long story short there was a weekend I was very busy followed by our fall break. I didn't see her for awhile and after a few days it seems she had met someone and gotten into a relationship with him. She didn't tell me about it and I texted her as normal during this time and she gave no clues. Obviously I must have looked like a complete fool. Finally after around 5 days I found out though her snapchat story... sadly. I asked her when she planned on telling me and she was really apologetic and said she wanted to but didn't know how. She said he was an old friend who she never thought of dating but it happened spontaneously. She said she felt I was too old for her as well. From what I've heard I believe they met recently and he's the lead guitar in a local band and is only 1 year younger than me. So I didn't text her for the last 2 weeks and then, against my better judgement, I texted her. She responded normally although I didn't ask any questions that would have to do with him. She "lol"ed and "haha"ed as normal. She has also snapchatted me a few times randomly but nothing with him. Although after that she started to put pictures of both of them together on her snapchat story, where i found out she had a boyfriend in the first place. I rarely snap her but I'm one of her top people on there so I know she barely uses the app. I don't know if the pics are meant for me but it sure seems like it. I can't really be mad as I never asked her out when I should have. Although I felt we were pretty much in a relationship as is because we spent so much time together. But I'm sure they probably have more in common as I'm more of a science guy and she is more of the creative type who's into theater and dance and plays/writes music. I showed interest in everything she liked though and found common interests. But now all I want to do is tell her how I really feel. I'm certain the response won't be the want I want but "out of sight, out of mind" thing isn't really working. Plus I feel like if i say nothing at all I'll regret it my entire life. So why didn't she tell me in the first place and why did she seem to lie? I assume she just didn't want to hurt my feelings but she could have just ignored me. She even acted as though things were normal until I brought up the boyfriend. And why continue to text/snap me. There's so much more to this but I'm not going to write it all. I'm sure it probably seems a bit exaggerated and believe me I feel the same way. But these feeling I can't help and I get sick just thinking about it. I don't know how it's even possible. Sorry about the long post but just looking to actually vent to someone who isn't just a word document...
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