deathandtaxes Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I cannot believe he replied. Not sure what part of 'do not want to see your name on my phone again' he didn't get. He said: You are angry with reasons. I did not have my phone on me yesterday and I am regretting it. I had no choice but to devote my time and all my attention to my friend in need, that is what friendship is about. I cannot do anything else, I can see now the mess I've created by doing so. More he speaks more he digs himself in a hole. Put yourself in his shoes... If my best friend's wife was rushed to the hospital, I would spend a lot of time with my friend. This is when my friend would need me most. I think a lot of assumptions are being made here. You had three good dates and YOU get all tore up because he's ostensibly supporting his good friend through this crisis. Meh. Looks like you already burned that bridge though.
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I remember when my Dad was rushed into hospital with an aortic aneurysm. I was at work when I got his call needing help and I called the emergency services. The first thing I did was let my boss know - then I arranged for a lift to his flat to meet the ambulance there. Dad went in and a consultant came out sometime later telling me what had happened and asked for my consent to operate at Dad had lost 70% of his blood into his stomach. I signed the forms and then once I knew what the situation was I called my brother and my partner. My next call was to my Dad's place of work as he was still working though officially retired. Then I just waited. My brother and his wife and my partner arrived a few hours later and Dad was in theatre for 10 hours in total. He was then moved to intensive care and was under sedation. I was through all of this still able to call his workplace the following day and also my work and a couple of friends of mine and a friend of my Dad's to let them know the situation. This was before I ever owned a mobile phone. I was 25. This was in 1995. At the hospital you were not allowed a mobile switched on in the building (you are these days in most areas). Me, yes I absolutely could have at least sent a text to say I was tied up even though it was my very much loved Dad in intensive care. To me, someone you have met three times during that week is kinda 'on your mind' so I would have said something - easily! Gaeta, I believe you did right! 4
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Put yourself in his shoes... If my best friend's wife was rushed to the hospital, I would spend a lot of time with my friend. This is when my friend would need me most. I think a lot of assumptions are being made here. You had three good dates and YOU get all tore up because he's ostensibly supporting his good friend through this crisis. Meh. Looks like you already burned that bridge though. I put myself in his shoes and it still sounded like a poor excuse in friend's wife clothes. 4
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 To me, someone you have met three times during that week is kinda 'on your mind' so I would have said something - easily! Gaeta, I believe you did right! I agree....... 2
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Put yourself in his shoes... If my best friend's wife was rushed to the hospital, I would spend a lot of time with my friend. This is when my friend would need me most. I think a lot of assumptions are being made here. You had three good dates and YOU get all tore up because he's ostensibly supporting his good friend through this crisis. Meh. Looks like you already burned that bridge though. You're correct, to a degree... It is perfectly understandable that he wants to support his friend and his friend's wife. But I ask again, what is so difficult with explaining to her that he would be tied up for the next few days and they'll continue their dates once things settle down? He acknowledges the errors, yes, but that's all they are at this juncture-->An Acknowledgement. Guess what's missing? . 3
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Next time I will rephrase "waiting by the phone with" "always checking your phone." or "waiting for that text." I use "waiting by the phone" as an expression, not in the literal sense lol. 2
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Gaeta stop ignoring or doubting your intuition. IMO you haven't the time to give them the benefit of a doubt, not when it's only been a few dates. Screw that, into the waste bin they go. 2
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) Put yourself in his shoes... If my best friend's wife was rushed to the hospital, I would spend a lot of time with my friend. This is when my friend would need me most. I think a lot of assumptions are being made here. You had three good dates and YOU get all tore up because he's ostensibly supporting his good friend through this crisis. Meh. Looks like you already burned that bridge though. Oh, I've put myself in his shoes. When I was in the hospital recovering from a car accident, despite bumps and bruises and IV's I still called people to let them know where I was and what happened to me. That guy had no excuses not to call Gaeta on the phone. Actions speak louder than words. No assumptions are being made here. Facts are facts. The guy stood Gaeta up for the rain-check date that he scheduled with her. There's just no excuse for that behavior. If he'd wanted to spend time consoling his friend then he shouldn't have made a rain check date with Gaeta in the first place. Or, if he was running late or needed to reschedule the rain-check date, he could have easily called Gaeta to do that from his cellphone or one of the phones at the hospital, or borrowed his friend's phone. We are surrounded by technology, and have multiple ways to communicate with other people these days since everyone carries a cellphone with internet access. Phone, email, text, instant message. I don't believe he forgot his cellpone. This guy blew Gaeta off and his apologies afterward don't hold water because he was all about defending himself, rather than actually apologizing: He said: You are angry with reasons. I did not have my phone on me yesterday and I am regretting it. I had no choice but to devote my time and all my attention to my friend in need, that is what friendship is about. I cannot do anything else, I can see now the mess I've created by doing so. An apology is about the other person's feelings, not your own. This guy's apology is all about himself: me, me, me. "You are angry with reasons" is not an apology! My fictional apology below from Gaeta's date is an example of a genuine apology, because it puts the focus on Gaeta, and shows Gaeta that he understands why his actions have hurt her feelings. (i.e. empathy) His apology above is self-centered because it's all about him. It wouldn't have given him a second chance with me either. Stick to your guns Gaeta! Gaeta I'm so sorry I didn't call you yesterday and stood you up for the rain-check date that I scheduled with you. I can see why that upset you, to not hear from me when I am the one who scheduled the rain-check date. I don't blame you for being angry with me and not want to see me again. What I did was pretty awful. For that, I'm sorry and I respect your choice not to continue seeing each other. Edited October 27, 2014 by writergal 2
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 If I was in this guy's shoes, knowing the severity of the circumstance, I wouldn't be making or even suggesting another date at this time, nor would I give details. I would have given an apology, just say dealing with a personal tragedy, will contact you when I can, might be in a week, again sorry. I find when they give that much detail with their excuse, it's like they want to make sure the story is BELIEVABLE. That's why there is suspision all over the place here. 4
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 If I was in this guy's shoes, knowing the severity of the circumstance, I wouldn't be making or even suggesting another date at this time, nor would I give details. I would have given an apology, just say dealing with a personal tragedy, will contact you when I can, might be in a week, again sorry. I find when they give that much detail with their excuse, it's like they want to make sure the story is BELIEVABLE. That's why there is suspision all over the place here. Good points smackie9. All this guy had to do was post-pone the rain check date with Gaeta and give her a timeline like a week, "I have to support my friend right now, but you are definitely a priority in my life because I'd like to continue to get to know you. I will call you next week." Liars always overload their excuses with details. That always raises red flags. Along with overemphasizing their honesty with statements like "to be honest," "truthfully," "I always tell the truth" to add credibility to their lies. Plus, they will smile when they lie to you, and if lying by text will use a guarded tone and be defensive. They also repeat the questions that you ask them.
Author Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Put yourself in his shoes... If my best friend's wife was rushed to the hospital, I would spend a lot of time with my friend. This is when my friend would need me most. I think a lot of assumptions are being made here. You had three good dates and YOU get all tore up because he's ostensibly supporting his good friend through this crisis. Meh. Looks like you already burned that bridge though. I am not angry because he spent time at the hospital supporting his friend. I am angry because the night before he rescheduled me for the afternoon and he stood me up instead of letting me know things weren't good and his presence was needed. I am sure at some point you spent an entire day at the hospital. People don't stay around the sick person's bed, especially if she is of opposite sex and the wife of your friend. You stay in the waiting room for your friend. Through the day You go eat, you go grab a coffee, you go out breath some air. Those are all opportunities to contact the women you have a date with to tell her sorry I can't make it. 3
Gloria25 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I wonder if this guy wanted to get laid and you weren't giving it enough soon enough, so he was checking out other options... I mean, I never been on three dates in the first week of dating anyone...That's a bit much. Not to be snarky, but maybe this guy really, really, believed in 'sex on the 3rd date'? 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 The way he wrote his message I understood he left his phone at home on purpose so he could devote all his attention to his friend. Who does that!!! And when he got back to me at night, in his first apology there was no mention of his phone being left behind. It's only this morning that he pulled that excuse out. 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I wonder if this guy wanted to get laid and you weren't giving it enough soon enough, so he was checking out other options... I mean, I never been on three dates in the first week of dating anyone...That's a bit much. Not to be snarky, but maybe this guy really, really, believed in 'sex on the 3rd date'? If it's the case he hide it pretty good. He never ever gave me a hint he was after sex, no insinuation, a bit of kissing when we said good bye nothing more. The 3 dates were really easy, our downtown offices were at a walking distance. Lunch, dinner, drinks, were at our finger tips.
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 The way he wrote his message I understood he left his phone at home on purpose so he could devote all his attention to his friend. Who does that!!! And when he got back to me at night, in his first apology there was no mention of his phone being left behind. It's only this morning that he pulled that excuse out. Oh he definitely lied to you about leaving his phone at home, if he didn't mention it to you in his first apology. As one of my favorite characters Homie the Clown from the tv show In Living Color often said when he called out a liar or an idiot, " " 3
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 From my understanding (and sadly, I do not know a great deal about hospital policies) but from prior experience, I believe if she was brought to the ER she won't be there for too long. The primary goal of an ER is to stabilize the patient. That combined with the high volume of ER's, hospitals want to get patients in and out as quickly as possible. If she isn't stable enough to be released, she'll most likely be moved to an ICU. ICU is also a critical care area and typically receives patients from ER, surgery, or other areas/divisions. If she is in ICU, restricted visiting is typically enforced and depends on the hospital's policies. In such case, 1-2 people max are allowed for a short period every few hours. If you're not in the ICU with the patient, you're the waiting room. 2
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 See if he comes back..he might..I suspect not as if he forgets and you meet his friends you may well ask how 'mutual friend in intensive care is'. Above all..you felt and instinct. Honestly, that week my Dad became ill and if I had been on 3 dates I would absolutely have kept in touch. Half of the thing when you are really getting to know instincts is asking others if what you are feeling/sensing is valid. You are doing just that. This is a great place to air it, you get all kinds of opinions. I'm proud of ya! (if I get back to dating soon I will be joining you! Right now I haven't got the b***s you have! ) 1
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Oh he definitely lied to you about leaving his phone at home, if he didn't mention it to you in his first apology. As one of my favorite characters Homie the Clown from the tv show In Living Color often said when he called out a liar or an idiot, " " Great show. 2
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Great show. I LOVED watching that show. Poor had to deal with jerks too, Gaeta.
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I LOVED watching that show. Poor had to deal with jerks too, Gaeta. Classic. Glad I can still catch full episodes on late night TV. My fav on there was David Alan Grier. From that era was also in love with Martin's mama skit: Oh god too funny. (sorry OP went off topic oopsies) 2
ThisisIt606 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 sorry if sounds insensitive but it's his FRIEND'S wife... not his!! Why does he have to be there? He's not immediate family so he prob can't even be in the room in the ICU/ early admission stages. Unless this woman's husband isn't able to be there and he's the only proxy around.... i guess that could work. but to cancel TWICE with the same "my friend's wife excuse" it's the perfect mix of being able to get out of something and also making you look like a potential jerk if you call him outon it bc it's "friends and health related." "serious matters". Bull crap I say. This guy's a flake. 4
Author Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I LOVED watching that show. Poor had to deal with jerks too, Gaeta. OMG I laughed so hard !!! haha Thanks! 2
veggirl Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 He's such a liar! And not even a good one. My friends wife? Please! Like what was he doing just sitting in the waiting room for 2 days? Without his phone? Okaaay. 2
BC1980 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 At the very least, he's inconsiderate or has an abnormally close relationship with the friend and wife. In ICU, they usually allow 2 visitors about 5 times a day for an hour at a time. I would think that family members would take precedence over this guy going to the bedside of his friend's wife. You basically sit in the waiting room when you have a family member in the ICU. The whole thing is just weird to me. He could have at least sent a text that said he would be tied up for the next few days so not to expect to talk to him. 2
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