Gaeta Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) I met this man early last week. It went really well and we went on 3 dates in a week. Nothing extravagant or too long, just lunch, dinner and drinks. We spoke on phone a little each day. Friday night we had dinner together (3rd date). When we parted he asked if I'd like to go to a movie Saturday night, I said I'd love to. Saturday at 16:30 he calls and says he has to rush to the hospital because his friend's wife collapsed and she is being brought to the hospital. He said he really was looking forward to see me and he'll keep in touch and we can still go out later. 20h30 comes by and no news so I text him. No come back from him. 22h30 he text me he is really sorry, he just got home, his friend's wife will be kept at the hospital through the night. He asked if he could see me the following day (today), insists he really wants to see me. I said ok, I am free in the afternoon. We set a date for the afternoon. Today I don't hear from him even though we are suppose to have a date in the pm. At 14h00 I text him and no come back from him all day. Now at 18h30 he sends me a text, not a call, but a text saying he is so sorry, he feels he abandoned me and he ruined my weekend, his friend's wife is in intensive care it's not going well and how are you. I did not reply yet. I am too on edge. He could not call or text me to cancel our afternoon date because his friend's wife is sick? Edited October 26, 2014 by Gaeta
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Stop sitting by the phone, and go out and do something. You barely know this guy, so stop being so invested. You should be going out on other dates with other guys until you meet someone who fits your expectations. 4
OwMyEyeball Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Ugh, what a pain. It's so annoying when people put their compassion for close relationships ahead of budding ones. I mean, Christ, it's only his friend's wife who may very well be dying. How is that even a big deal? I bet he's getting all emotional about it too. What a wuss. 5
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 So of course, you being a human being, you are going to text back and give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him how HE is doing through all of this...right? Maybe it's just me, but I'd be offering to see if I could come keep him company at the hospital. If there were a lot of resistance to the idea after the fact, then I'd definitely move on. But also... 3 times in a week.......
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 this is what is known as being the backup girl.. he is seeing someone else.. and don't believe his story or excuses.. Sorry... 5
Author Gaeta Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Stop sitting by the phone, and go out and do something. You barely know this guy, so stop being so invested. You should be going out on other dates with other guys until you meet someone who fits your expectations. Smackie: It's me, Gaeta, the queen of multi-dating. Where did I mention I am invested in this man? and since when am I waiting by the phone for this guy? My question is about his behavior, not about how I feel.
newmoon Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 you kinda seem desperate? 3 dates in one week and text follow ups... not playing very hard to get. he's probably just running away from something moving way too fast.
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 a couple of things.. they have texting in the waiting rooms... intensive care doesn't allow non family members to visit and even then only a certain number of them and at only certain times.. he is filling your head with lies.. 6
Author Gaeta Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 you kinda seem desperate? 3 dates in one week and text follow ups... not playing very hard to get. he's probably just running away from something moving way too fast. I am not the one setting up those dates. I am happy with 1-2 dates a week, he was insisting on seeing me, I happened to be free so why not. Like I said it was not really over done, dates were from 2 to 3 hours each.
Author Gaeta Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 a couple of things.. they have texting in the waiting rooms... intensive care doesn't allow non family members to visit and even then only a certain number of them and at only certain times.. he is filling your head with lies.. That is what my gut feeling is telling me. The day my ex-husband died I called my date and cancelled. He can't cancel his date because of his friend's wife is at the hospital. 1
heartshaped Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Yes, something about this rings false. Perhaps that you have to text him first in order for him to even offer an explanation when the two of you had plans. 2
BluEyeL Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 To me, it sounds like he is seeing someone else. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt, and hope the story was true. What you should do is text back something like 'hope she gets well soon" and move on with your life. If he was sincere, he'll be back on schedule. If not, he won't be back. I think 3 dates in one week maybe it was much. Keep it at 1 or max 2x/week in the beginning so they don't get bored. 1
Poppyolive Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I know this may seem as if he's hiding something or being a douche. You hardly know him, by the sounds of it he is keen to see you. I'd take it as, he's going through a lot right now and his friend will need his support and possibly not in the right frame of mind for a date with you. If I were you, I'd send him a message in sympathy and suggest he get in touch when he's feeling better. Then if you hear nothing...move on Hear from him, watch out he's not a master of bailing 3
OwMyEyeball Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 There really is only one option for you: drop him. Either he is lying, hence unworthy of your further attention. Or he is telling the truth and you are unworthy of his attention.
mammasita Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 One thing that you did that I wouldn't have was this 20h30 comes by and no news so I text him. No come back from him I would have just let it ride. Im betting you wouldn't have heard from him. I don't see anything good from this point forward. I get he's being a supportive friend and his friends wife was rushed to the hospital so he had to drop everything to be there (pssssh really??). As was mentioned, hospitals have cell phone reception too. And in all reality what could he really have done at that hospital??? Sit in the waiting room, right? what a crock of ****. 1
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I met this man early last week. It went really well and we went on 3 dates in a week. Nothing extravagant or too long, just lunch, dinner and drinks. We spoke on phone a little each day. Friday night we had dinner together (3rd date). When we parted he asked if I'd like to go to a movie Saturday night, I said I'd love to. Saturday at 16:30 he calls and says he has to rush to the hospital because his friend's wife collapsed and she is being brought to the hospital. He said he really was looking forward to see me and he'll keep in touch and we can still go out later. 20h30 comes by and no news so I text him. No come back from him. 22h30 he text me he is really sorry, he just got home, his friend's wife will be kept at the hospital through the night. He asked if he could see me the following day (today), insists he really wants to see me. I said ok, I am free in the afternoon. We set a date for the afternoon. Today I don't hear from him even though we are suppose to have a date in the pm. At 14h00 I text him and no come back from him all day. Now at 18h30 he sends me a text, not a call, but a text saying he is so sorry, he feels he abandoned me and he ruined my weekend, his friend's wife is in intensive care it's not going well and how are you. I did not reply yet. I am too on edge. He could not call or text me to cancel our afternoon date because his friend's wife is sick? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Move on. 4
Georgia2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I know this may seem as if he's hiding something or being a douche. You hardly know him, by the sounds of it he is keen to see you. I'd take it as, he's going through a lot right now and his friend will need his support and possibly not in the right frame of mind for a date with you. If I were you, I'd send him a message in sympathy and suggest he get in touch when he's feeling better. Then if you hear nothing...move on Hear from him, watch out he's not a master of bailing If he wanted to see her why did he treat her like that? He could of had the decency to call and apologize to her instead of making her text him first. He isn't going through a lot. It's his friend's wife that isn't well. His friend doesn't need him that badly his friend surely has his relatives or his friend has his wife's relatives to turn to. The guy is giving the OP the brush off and using sympathy to keep her as a backup plan. I do think this guy is lying. 2
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Just go by this: if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. If this happened to me I wouldn't be confused about it, I would just delete his number and not give a crap. People are flaky for different reasons, that's just a fact of life we all have to live with. Seriously this is not worth the energy of even speculating about it. 1
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 If he wanted to see her why did he treat her like that? He could of had the decency to call and apologize to her instead of making her text him first.[...]I do think this guy is lying. ^^This. I can so relate to this. This just happened to me yesterday. If the guy I had a first date with yesterday really wanted to see me this weekend, why did I have to text him first to find out he had the so-called flu (a common rejection standby excuse used for last-minute date cancellations)? Then he let my call go to voicemail. Another red flag. He didn't have the decency to call and apologize and offer me a rain check, because he was a coward. That's the conclusion I've come to today about it. So annoying! Of course Gaeta's date is lying to her. His friend's wife's situation in no-way impacts his ability to follow through on date plans with Gaeta. In no-way. smackie9 I love your advice to Gaeta; to follow your gut and if it doesn't feel right then it's not. That is SO TRUE. But sometimes situations like these are a bit tricky to navigate. Dating situations aren't always so black and white. If they were, well, there'd be no LoveShack. 2
Author Gaeta Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I understand Friday evening I did not hear from him till late. I was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt for that one. You get called by a friend, you rush over to them at the hospital, there is a sense of urgency, etc. I get that. The following day though, I don't understand being left with no words at all, and no courtesy call to cancel our date. I will find something to reply and to let him go. I don't do the fade away. I have more substance than that.
BeholdtheMan Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 He could still text you to cancel It's his friend's wife...not his mother or sister. This smells fishy. My next excuse for flaking would be "my cousin's mother-in-law feels under the weather" 1
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 He could still text you to cancel Technology had ruined dating for this reason - cancelling dates via text. Canceling dates via text is so rude, impersonal, and immature. Pick up the phone and cancel the date for Pete sake! That's what humans did until the cellphone was invented and it worked just fine. Even when there was a phone but no voicemail. Remember the 1970s? Curse you Gordon Matthews and Martin Cooper (!!), inventors of voicemail and the cellphone. Those two men's inventions are responsible for the downfall of dating etiquette everywhere. Curse them!! Heh heh! Before the invention of telephone wires and the telephone, I wonder how dates were cancelled (would be a fun thread)?
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Technology had ruined dating for this reason - cancelling dates via text. Canceling dates via text is so rude, impersonal, and immature. Pick up the phone and cancel the date for Pete sake! That's what humans did until the cellphone was invented and it worked just fine. Even when there was a phone but no voicemail. Remember the 1970s? Curse you Gordon Matthews and Martin Cooper (!!), inventors of voicemail and the cellphone. Those two men's inventions are responsible for the downfall of dating etiquette everywhere. Curse them!! Heh heh! Before the invention of telephone wires and the telephone, I wonder how dates were cancelled (would be a fun thread)? Dates were cancelled by letter delivered by a messenger, or verbally by the footman. 1
carhill Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Hmm, 3 dates, including one on a Friday night. Plans for a Saturday night date cancelled by phone due to illness/injury of a friend's spouse. Reschedule cancelled via text. Regret expressed. 1. He seems very attached to his friend's wife. Perhaps in his culture friends are family. Happens. 2. Contemporaneous communication, even if not good news for the dates. 3. Regret expressed. IMO, I'd leave things as they are and, if he contacts you in the future, respond per how you feel in the moment. Since there is no exclusive relationship involved, continue to entertain the kind approaches of other gentlemen. Question: Who paid for the dates? I ask because it may be relevant to the progression and content of the interaction.
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