morrisday fan Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 what do you do when the feelings in your head and your heart does not match towards your lover of many long standing years? i feel saddened by this. my heart wants to always stay with him and be with him and love him up, but my head is always telling me i should leave here and move on where i am not so enabled and so i can become independent on my own again. also i am a control freak! when he wants to do something that is out of my control i freak out! thus the name control freak! when i cannot get a hold of him on his cell phone or at work, i freak out again and think dumb things that he is having lunch with some female client, or meeting an old girlfriend or doing something that i would not approve of and i start to get anxiey attacks till i track him down which i usually do by paging him. i need help huh?
CurvyGurl Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Men don't like to be controlled. They like to think everything is their idea. A book called 'The Surrendered Single' changed my whole outlook. You might pick it up- it could help you see how you're squeezing the life out of every man you try to control.
Merin Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Nobody likes to be controlled. I had a BF who behaved just like this... he would call and if I didn't answer my phone then he just knew it was because I was with another guy... If I went out to lunch or dinner with one of my girlfriends then he just knew I was dancing on the table probably naked with guys watching... Got so bad that one night when I was cleaning up my apartment he insisted it was because I was expecting another guy to come over and then he proceeded to call me every 20 minutes just to make sure there wasn't anyone there with me... Yes you do need to get a handle on this... this is one of the biggest reasons I finally left him.
morris day fan again Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 first i forgot my password so i am signing in under this name, lol. ok i am NOT that bad! i do not really call him like merin has said. i just panic when i cant find him that is all. i simply panic inside and he does not know this even. i am very good at covering this up and when i finally do page him i usually end up having a question i needed to ask him so it looks innocent enough and he never says a word that he even thinks that i am trying to just find him. here is another scenario. he just now called and said something about golfing with a couple of his buddies. he has never once went golfing since we have been together and that has been several years, so why now? i feel left out because he did not even discuss this with me, ,am i wrong? last time he went golfing him and his friends went to some fun raiser where coors light girls were half naked and so was half the fricken party and even though that is not what he would do nowl, that still stays in my mind because i do not know what goes on when guys golf. now i wish someone would respond to the first part of my post as well, the part about the head and heart not matching??? i know my problem is a big control issue, but i also feel it is under control and when he does things like this to rock the boat, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. i just want stability in my life and him changing things causes instability in my life that i have to deal with. yeah i know it is not fair to him, why do you think i am on here?
CurvyGurl Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 You panic when you can't find him? What sort of panic? An 'Ohmygod he's with someone else" or "Ohmygod he's hurt and dying and in pain somewhere? "
morris day fan again Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 ok when i cannot find him i panic like "ohmygawd is he with someone else" "is he doing something that i would not approve of", "is he doing something that might hurt me emotionally not physically". i am not really the jealous type per se, but i feel that if he talks to another female and they laugh and share a joke or something that he is having more fun with her then with me since we have out grown that fun phase sadly having been together for so long it just seems the newness has wornoff. i miss when we were dating we asked questions about each other to get to know each other and i hear him doing that to make conversation when we go out and maybe with a guy friends date he may do that, and i do not mind but i feel sad and i wish he would pay that attention to me like he use to. so yeah but when i cannot find him i feel paniced that he might be doing something that will hurt me, that i will have todeal with emotionally, that i wont be able to deal with that will hurt very very bad! does that make sense? i guess i should email LS to get a new password eh? lol
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