NordicBlonde Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I've been going to events with a singles Meetup group. One guy seems interested in me, I'll call him J, and he's my type, too. He stares at me, tells me I'm beautiful, flirts with me. I've seen J at 3 events already. He's always staring, says I smell good, gives me a hug, wants to talk to me, dance with me. Last night I flirted back with him A LOT. He stared and stared, was checking me out, holding my hand as we went from venue to venue. We chatted a bit. He kept telling me I was the most beautiful girl at the event last night. He was telling other girls there that he wanted to buy me a drink. He was very focused on me, staring, checking me out, but holding back, didn't ask for my number, not sure why? He seemed nervous around me, and was a total gentleman. He talked about how he's been single for a few years and is looking for someone, and asked me my story. The problem was this other creepy guy kept getting in the way, pulling me on the dance floor, he's kind of arrogant, but he's like the papa bear of the group, I'll call him S. Every time I tried talking to J, S kept intervening. He was asking me to sit on his lap. Ick! S and J rode together and know each other. At one point J said, "Hey, S is trying to hit on you." The worst part was S told the group that he wanted to walk me to my car at the end of the night, and he told everyone else to wait for him. I could see him nod to J, some kind of non-verbal male communication like he was "claiming me" for himself Then he grabs my hand (I had high heels on and was tired of walking in them) in front of everyone and walks me to my car. Then he keeps asking me for a kiss, he was really pushy, said he bought me drinks and pizza so he wanted one kiss. He kept telling me I should give him a chance cause he'd rock my world. Ick! He WOULD NOT LEAVE, so I gave him a very light peck on the lips (everyone does that in our group LOL) and a hug and jumped into my car and drove home. Ick! So now I'm worried that he rejoined the group and lied or bragged that I gave him a kiss or said I was making out with him, even though I kept pushing him away. So he rode with J, and I'm worried J is stepping back cause S keeps getting in the way. Maybe J thinks S and I are together, or S made it clear to J that he was walking me to my car with that mysterious nod? There is a rule in the group--no hooking up, making out, getting together with any members while at an event. It must be done outside of the event. For some reason many guys seem to need A LOT of encouragement from me, except the creepers. Geez. Sooo, I have a couple of questions--does it seem like J is romantically (and not just sexually) interested in me? And what do I do? Nothing? Or do I need to encourage J? Shouldn't he have asked me for my number? Wondering if I should message him through Meetup? If so, what should I write? And if I did, isn't that too forward/desperate? Help!! LOL
irc333 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 There is a rule in the group--no hooking up, making out, getting together with any members while at an event. It must be done outside of the event. LOL If it were me, I'd disobey those rules. "No getting together with any member of a group while at the event....and has to be OUTSIDE the event." Who is the a**munch that came up with that? The "Papa bear"? *uck the rules, man.
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 If it were me, I'd disobey those rules. "No getting together with any member of a group while at the event....and has to be OUTSIDE the event." Who is the a**munch that came up with that? The "Papa bear"? *uck the rules, man. LOL They will ban you from the group if you violate these rules, and it's a large, super fun group. Their rules are like a whole page long. Very strict! And S, "Papa Bear" was very sexually inappropriate (wanting me to sit on his lap, rubbing my back, touched my butt at one point, kept trying to touch me--I had to keep pushing him away and telling him to stop!) and kept blocking me all night from J, the guy I'm really clicking with! He was hovering around me and giving signals to J that he was interested in me. Every time we tried to talk, S kept getting in the way. And J is nervous around me but slowly warming up. Lately when I meet a nice guy, some jerk shows up and pushes the nice guys away, even when I tell them I'm not interested, they hang around and are pushy! Whatever. Not sure if there's any damage control I need to do? Hopefully S didn't lie to everyone about the walk to the car, and people don't think we're a couple. Wondering if I should message J on Meetup? Or just leave it alone?
HappyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Yes, I'd message him on meetup. Don't let him slip through your fingers!
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Yes, I'd message him on meetup. Don't let him slip through your fingers! What do I write? I don't want to seem desperate or too forward. Also, is he even interested in me, based on what I wrote? Why isn't he messaging me? What do I say exactly?
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 He might be trying to follow the group's rules. I've done Meetup and I've seen rules like these before. It's designed to deter drama from everyone that isn't the leader. I've had women send me messages: "Want to hang out off of Meetup sometime? Call me at this number." It's not a big deal. Even if there isn't any "sexual" chemistry. I have a circle of friends I met from Meetup that get together off of Meetup and within Meetup. 1
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Also: Fair warning. Some people do get Meetup messages straight into their Spam box rather than their inbox.
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 He might be trying to follow the group's rules. I've done Meetup and I've seen rules like these before. It's designed to deter drama from everyone that isn't the leader. I've had women send me messages: "Want to hang out off of Meetup sometime? Call me at this number." It's not a big deal. Even if there isn't any "sexual" chemistry. I have a circle of friends I met from Meetup that get together off of Meetup and within Meetup. The organizer texted me a pic she took last night of me and J. It's really cute. I mentioned to her that J is a really nice guy. She said he's great and a good friend. Another guy who was at the Meetup pulled me aside and said J is a "good guy." I don't know if that's a hint? Does J seem interested from what I posted? So if I message him, "Want to hang out off of Meetup sometime? Call me at this number" he won't consider it too forward or friendzone me? Do you as a man consider this too forward, and is it a turn off? Thanks.
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I can't tell you. You have to find that out on your own. I can't tell you if he would find that too forward either. Like I said, it's been done to me and I've called them. So as far as I am concerned, it isn't. At least with the way it was phrased to me, it didn't place any expectations other than just meeting up without having to RSVP.
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I sent him a short and sweet message. He never replied. Oh well.
Diezel Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Also: Fair warning. Some people do get Meetup messages straight into their Spam box rather than their inbox. Again, just in case.
lucy009 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 be patient..don't be desperate...he'll respond.
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 31, 2014 Author Posted October 31, 2014 J never replied to my message to him. Instead, he sent me a Facebook friend request, which I accepted. A couple of days later, he sent a request for my phone number for getting the picture and "keeping in touch." I sent him my phone number through the FB request. That was several days ago. He never texted or called. Tonight we all RSVP'ed for a Halloween party on Meetup. He was going, I was going, the party was cancelled and moved to another venue. I RSVP'ed for that one, and he CANCELLED! CLEARLY this guy is not interested in me, even though he acts very interested in me in person, stares at me, wants to hold my hand, hugs me, asks me about my single status, asks about my life, we have a lot in common, and he asks for my number. AND he RSVP'ed for a Meetup that I had cancelled on cause no one RSVP'ed until recently. It's like he's avoiding me? You can see on Meetup who's RSVPing and who cancels. I give up on him! I feel like blocking him on Facebook now.
mysteryscape Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 He's probably just extremely shy. But you've done enough, he will have to make up his mind whether he has the nerve to make a move.
Author NordicBlonde Posted October 31, 2014 Author Posted October 31, 2014 He's probably just extremely shy. But you've done enough, he will have to make up his mind whether he has the nerve to make a move. I was wondering about the shy thing. But he has my number, he friended me on FB, he's in my Meetup groups and knows where I'm going and when, and I don't have his number. I don't know what more I can do. He could easily send me a text, especially after the sweet message I sent him through Meetup, accepted his FB friend request AND sent him my phone number through FB (I assume he got it? That's the first time I had to send my number through the FB request so hopefully I did it right, I'm pretty sure I did).
Author NordicBlonde Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 He DID show up at the Halloween party. I didn't even recognize him! He acts nervous around me. I told him where we were going next (since that venue was boring) and he never showed. He still hasn't called, texted, or sent me the pics he took of us Halloween. LOL I give up on him. He has my number.
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