Supernova31 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I was supposed to meet this woman on a date today but I got a feeling she's just leading me on, I messaged her this morning and asked her what time to meet as she only lives a few miles from me, and she just messaged back saying "a bit later if that's ok"so i said that's fine and a few hours later she messaged me saying "she fell asleep and she was sorry" so I said I hope everything's ok and now it's 6pm UK time and I havnt heard anything. I know she's been online as the messaging app tells you so. So the question I have is shall I text her or call her to rearrange or do I just leave her to it? Even if she was telling the truth I don't see why it's so difficult to send me a message to cancel or even to say she's not interested anymore.
mammasita Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Why didn't you suggest a time when she said a bit later? "Ok, how about 5pm" Otherwise, yes she sounds flakey but could she have been waiting for you to be a little more dominant in setting things up. 1
writergal Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I agree. Why didn't you suggest a time to her instead of just agreeing "that's fine" after you got her text where she only suggested a vague time "a bit later." That communication problem between you both, combined with her vague level of interest is why I think this happened today. Otherwise, she would have met up with you if she'd really been interested I think. Next time a woman texts you something vague like that, about the date you've planned together, make sure you clarify the date's details (time, location) with her. Otherwise, she can conveniently forget to meetup with you and not feel guilty about it, because neither of you came up with a specific time or place. Of course, even if you do nail down the date's time and place, there's always a risk that the person will flake on you for whatever reason. That's the downside to first and second dates with new people. 1
Author Supernova31 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Why didn't you suggest a time when she said a bit later? "Ok, how about 5pm" Otherwise, yes she sounds flakey but could she have been waiting for you to be a little more dominant in setting things up. Yes I agree I just diddnt want to sound too pushy as I did ask her what time was good for her yesterday as we already agreed a place to meet, but she said she'll let me know, but yes I should of been in control more and suggested at time.
Divasu Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 While I agree you should have scheduled a concrete time to meet, nonetheless, she knew you both were scheduled to meet today. Correct? Moving forward, don't allow room for error. Schedule a date and time well in advance in the initial stage of dating and it will resolve any second thoughts you may have if/when the woman in question doesn't follow through.
Author Supernova31 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 While I agree you should have scheduled a concrete time to meet, nonetheless, she knew you both were scheduled to meet today. Correct? Moving forward, don't allow room for error. Schedule a date and time well in advance in the initial stage of dating and it will resolve any second thoughts you may have if/when the woman in question doesn't follow through. Thanks I'll keep that in mind,not sure if texting is the way forward as she was away for a week on business and I had to keep the iron hot until she got back, so I'm thinking now maybe I should of rung her a few times instead of texting.
HappyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 CALL her right now and ask her if X time is ok at X location. If she comes with an excuse...NEXT! If she doesn't answer the phone leave a message stating the same thing. 1
Author Supernova31 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 CALL her right now and ask her if X time is ok at X location. If she comes with an excuse...NEXT! If she doesn't answer the phone leave a message stating the same thing. Lol it's funny that you said that because I just done the exact thing, but she diddnt answer.
Author Supernova31 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) CALL her right now and ask her if X time is ok at X location. If she comes with an excuse...NEXT! If she doesn't answer the phone leave a message stating the same thing.[/quote I just can't understand why grown adults still plays these sort of games. Edited October 26, 2014 by Supernova31 1
Assasda Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Its not any games. She doesnt want to go out with you, but she doesnt have the cojones to tell you because she doesnt have a reason. Move on. I would have said you shouldnt have called her back, but Oh well. Good luck 3
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 They don't text you back or answer your call because they don't want to. 2
Author Supernova31 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Right after I made the decision of deleting her number and move on surprise surprise she messages me saying "she hopes im ok", I really don't know what to do as she gave me a bad taste In my mouth
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Read Gaeta's recent thread on here and I'll share a similar incident from years ago that occurred with a man I was scheduled to have a first date with. Before "the flub", we had been speaking by phone for several weeks and throughout that time we both mentioned meeting at some point. He said he'd "let me know". From there, a period of several days goes by and we hadn't spoken. If memory serves me right, a Friday evening strolls around thereafter and we spoke by phone earlier in the day and discussed a time to meet the following day. During that call, he said he'd call me shortly to let me know what time. Huh? Why don't we just schedule a time NOW while we're on the phone? Needless to say, I became impatient and went to bed. When he finally did call to firm up a time (which was like at midnight when he called) I had already gone to sleep. On top of that, he suggested changing it from a one-on-one date to a date with him, me, and his friends. In any event, the date never happened. I come to find out he had broken up with someone a few months prior so who knows where his mind was at. I'm sure he was probably a bit gun shy so it was probably for the best. Hopefully my shared experience can help you put things into perspective on where to go from hereon out... 1
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Same thing happened to me too this weekend Divasu. The guy had just broken up with his ex of 8 years, a few months ago, and spent weeks with me texting/talking on the phone and would not commit to a first date time/place with me, just this past weekend. I had to text him to find out he had "the flu." Such b.s. It's like, they need the ego boost so they create false expectations through constant contact with you but then flake when fantasy becomes reality: the first date. I can't stand it when people use online dating to rebound from their breakups. Makes it impossible for those of us free-and-clear single people to find someone who is emotionally available and ready for a long term relationship. 1
Author Supernova31 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 Read Gaeta's recent thread on here and I'll share a similar incident from years ago that occurred with a man I was scheduled to have a first date with. Before "the flub", we had been speaking by phone for several weeks and throughout that time we both mentioned meeting at some point. He said he'd "let me know". From there, a period of several days goes by and we hadn't spoken. If memory serves me right, a Friday evening strolls around thereafter and we spoke by phone earlier in the day and discussed a time to meet the following day. During that call, he said he'd call me shortly to let me know what time. Huh? Why don't we just schedule a time NOW while we're on the phone? Needless to say, I became impatient and went to bed. When he finally did call to firm up a time (which was like at midnight when he called) I had already gone to sleep. On top of that, he suggested changing it from a one-on-one date to a date with him, me, and his friends. In any event, the date never happened. I come to find out he had broken up with someone a few months prior so who knows where his mind was at. I'm sure he was probably a bit gun shy so it was probably for the best. Hopefully my shared experience can help you put things into perspective on where to go from hereon out... Gosh talk about deja vu! That is what exactly is happening to me, part of me wants to give her a chance, but a bigger part of me is telling me to cut her loose as alarm bells are ringing. I don't think it was fair for her to ignore me yesterday then message me the day after like nothing happened.
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Same thing happened to me too this weekend Divasu. The guy had just broken up with his ex of 8 years, a few months ago, and spent weeks with me texting/talking on the phone and would not commit to a first date time/place with me, just this past weekend. I had to text him to find out he had "the flu." Such b.s. It's like, they need the ego boost so they create false expectations through constant contact with you but then flake when fantasy becomes reality: the first date. I can't stand it when people use online dating to rebound from their breakups. Makes it impossible for those of us free-and-clear single people to find someone who is emotionally available and ready for a long term relationship. Sorry to hear writergal, a sucky situation. You go through it and learn. Not knowing what the OP's background is, or hers, it's difficult to say but navigating the dating waters in itself is difficult, especially so for people who have had very little dating experience going into it. At one point having very little dating experience on account of being in back-to-back LTR's from the age of 16, it was at times a bit overwhelming. While I can easily go head-to-head with the overt smooth talkers, sometimes it's not always so "black and white" for those on the receiving end. As such, I hope OP can learn to identify the different shades; access them properly; and make a decision that is best for him. 1
Divasu Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Gosh talk about deja vu! That is what exactly is happening to me, part of me wants to give her a chance, but a bigger part of me is telling me to cut her loose as alarm bells are ringing. I don't think it was fair for her to ignore me yesterday then message me the day after like nothing happened. Yes. Read my next post up. 1
TheNextLawyer Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Its not any games. She doesnt want to go out with you, but she doesnt have the cojones to tell you because she doesnt have a reason. Move on. I would have said you shouldnt have called her back, but Oh well. Good luck Oh too telling.. yeah. I got the rather tiring 'i need to sort my life out'. But then she was far too different from me anyway. Still, it sucked then and every so often like today it sucks. I'm a sensitive guy but that's also a big strength at same time.
IronZ Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Who falls asleep and can't make an afternoon meeting because of that? Ridiculous. Clearly flaked on you. Move on. Also, does she actually refer to herself in the third person when she texts you? I can't tell if you're screwing up your quotations or if that's actually how she talks. Because if it is, she sounds like a weirdo.
Author Supernova31 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Who falls asleep and can't make an afternoon meeting because of that? Ridiculous. Clearly flaked on you. Move on. Also, does she actually refer to herself in the third person when she texts you? I can't tell if you're screwing up your quotations or if that's actually how she talks. Because if it is, she sounds like a weirdo. Sorry that was me screwing up my quotation lol, what's really irritating is that she had the brass to text me the day after asking if I'm ok, as I'm quite a patient guy I gave her one last chance to meet up this sat 5pm and then she said she had a hen party to go to on the weekend, what's the deal with this woman she obviously isn't that into me, so why is it when I try to ignore her and move on she contacts me but then when I try to arrange a date shes makes exuses and puts in no effort to meet up.
IronZ Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Call her out on it. Tell her you want to see where things will lead to but if she wants the same then she needs to make an effort. Because right now she's making no effort at all.
Redhead14 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 You've already spent too much time on her. Call someone else and ask her for a date.
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