BC1980 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I got into the best shape of my life when my ex broke up with me. We got back together and she said i looked good. However, we broke up again. Your ex will always be attracted to you (that's why you dated) but that doesn't mean the relationship is fundamentally flawed. Yeah, I agree. Fundamentally, physical attraction and looks can only hold a relationship together for so long. When you love someone, you see something different than looks. It doesn't make sense to say that if you loose weight, the person will want you back. When people's feelings change, you can't control that. OP, you can do a 180 and become a different person after your breakup, and your ex probably won't care. Like Donnivan said earlier, at most, she will be happy you are getting on with your life. I think it's great that you are getting healthy, but don't invest in a relationship that no longer exists.
jbentley87 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 You can get all buff & lose weight, get a degree . . . whatever you think self improvement looks like but it won't fundamentally change who you are & it won't bring her back. At best she will think -- Oh good for him. He's moving forward & getting on with his life. Doesn't this contradict the no contact rule? You are supposed to move on and do things for yourself so that she will come back and think oh he hasn't been sulking around about me... he might not care that we broke up... now he looks damn good and other girls will be more attracted to him... now i want him back. Correct me if I am wrong, but that is how I understand a portion of the NC rule. Also, telling someone, who is hoping to get their love back, that they will never get them back no matter what they do is unfair. I understand your harsh reality perspective, but many relationships reconnect.
EuTuBrute Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 I suggest you watch silver linings playbook and report back here
BC1980 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Well what do you do then if you want to re try things and try to correct your mistakes? Just hope the other person feels differently in the future,hope for the best and let it go? Basically, yes, that is all you can do. I think the fundamental thing you are missing (and I did this too) is that you think you can do or be something to make her change her mind. It's really not about you. It's about her. She has to be the one who changes her mind, and it's not something you can control. That concept was difficult for me after my breakup because I wanted control. I wanted to think that I had the control to get him back. I thought that if I "corrected" what he saw were my flaws, he would change his mind. The truth is that if the person really loved you, they wouldn't see those parts of you as "flaws" that need to be corrected. They would just accept you for who you are. She has been with you 7 years, so she knows you very well. It is very difficult to change a person's perception of you if you have been together for that long. It's d@mn near impossible because you have had 7 years to reinforce who you are to her. Also, if this is not the first time you have broken up, it's just not meant to be. That's a sign that it's not going to workout in the long haul. Healthy couples work through issues if they are committed to being together. They don't breakup multiple times. One of my friends, she dated a guy for 6 years, and they broke up several times. Sometimes, they would be apart for 6 months, sometimes longer or shorter. But they both kept going back to this broken relationship until one of them had the b@lls to walk away for good. They are actually both now married to other people. You need to walk away from this one.
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 Doesn't this contradict the no contact rule? You are supposed to move on and do things for yourself so that she will come back and think oh he hasn't been sulking around about me... he might not care that we broke up... now he looks damn good and other girls will be more attracted to him... now i want him back. Correct me if I am wrong, but that is how I understand a portion of the NC rule. You completely misunderstand NC. It's not a magic formula to get somebody back. It's a healing thing. Instead of picking at the scab over the remains of your relationship, you stop contacting the person & allow yourself to heal. It doesn't make them come back. It simply make you forget them because you stop obsessing about them. Chuck is you have broken up & gotten back together before that unhealthy pattern may repeat. Having that happen is actually a BAD thing in the long run. People on that merry-go-round never have a solid, healthy relationship. Why do you want to keep making the same mistakes over & over? That is what the break-up / make up cycle is.
Author Chuck636333 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 I agree with everyone to an extent...its hard to let go when you're in love.trust me their is plenty of reasons to let go I'm just losing my best friend
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