SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish a big goal only to feel depressed or underwhelmed by its completion? This happened to me before when I was accepted to a prestigious graduate school program. Unfortunately, I feel like it's happening with my girlfriend. After a year of intensive dating, I knew on our first date that we were highly compatible. She was cute, straightforward, and I could tell she was really into me. After working so hard to find a good mate, I couldn't help but feel a sense of post-goal completion depression. With her being so straightforward, I never really developed a state intensive curiosity or infatuation, which now seems to bother me four months down the road. I know this probably sounds a little crazy but I can't figure out my feelings now. I can't tell if I just hit a state of dating burnout and maybe my feeling aren't that strong for her, or I'm just having a sense of post-goal depression. It's an anxiety provoking thought I just can't shake, how can I sort out my feelings?
quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 could it be that you miss the honey moon stage now that you have come down to the ground?
Cristo Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish a big goal only to feel depressed or underwhelmed by its completion? This happened to me before when I was accepted to a prestigious graduate school program. Unfortunately, I feel like it's happening with my girlfriend. After a year of intensive dating, I knew on our first date that we were highly compatible. She was cute, straightforward, and I could tell she was really into me. After working so hard to find a good mate, I couldn't help but feel a sense of post-goal completion depression. With her being so straightforward, I never really developed a state intensive curiosity or infatuation, which now seems to bother me four months down the road. I know this probably sounds a little crazy but I can't figure out my feelings now. I can't tell if I just hit a state of dating burnout and maybe my feeling aren't that strong for her, or I'm just having a sense of post-goal depression. It's an anxiety provoking thought I just can't shake, how can I sort out my feelings? So you're upset because she was straight-forward and didn't play games? Have you considered dating women with personality disorders? You'll have more than enough games and craziness to keep you on your toes. Meanwhile, you could send that nice, straight-forward girl to me. 6
Author SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 could it be that you miss the honey moon stage now that you have come down to the ground? I almost think there never really was a honeymoon stage
quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I almost think there never really was a honeymoon stage what made her compatible and now not so much? 1
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish a big goal only to feel depressed or underwhelmed by its completion? This happened to me before when I was accepted to a prestigious graduate school program. Unfortunately, I feel like it's happening with my girlfriend. After a year of intensive dating, I knew on our first date that we were highly compatible. She was cute, straightforward, and I could tell she was really into me. After working so hard to find a good mate, I couldn't help but feel a sense of post-goal completion depression. With her being so straightforward, I never really developed a state intensive curiosity or infatuation, which now seems to bother me four months down the road. I know this probably sounds a little crazy but I can't figure out my feelings now. I can't tell if I just hit a state of dating burnout and maybe my feeling aren't that strong for her, or I'm just having a sense of post-goal depression. It's an anxiety provoking thought I just can't shake, how can I sort out my feelings? I suspect most will say this is the honeymoon period thing but I don't think it is. I read this bit and have my own translations of it below. I could be way off the mark here...do tell me if I am. 'With her being so straightforward, I never really developed a state intensive curiosity or infatuation' She is too straight forward for you. She tells you her plans, what she is doing so you know where she is and who with always. She is open about herself. You have met her folks and friends. She accommodates you and the time you want to spend with her and you have no problems with that-it's great. Somewhere though you would feel more 'infatuated if she wasn't always free for you and you didn't always now where she was. It's all black and white and you want some grey - only because they grey keeps your interest levels up and inflamed. There's a funny thing where feeling that all is not perfect and you need to fight a bit for it is better than having it all. That is why we saved our pocket money for that great toy...and we still love and remember that toy because it took work and it was only right at the end that we really knew we had it. You are pretty early into this RS so need that inspiration still that it isn't 'quite' all yours just yet.
Author SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 what made her compatible and now not so much? I certainly do find that I get frustrated with her at times. She's very reluctant to ever step outside her comfort zone. She is also very quiet in social settings, unless there are only a few people involved. I also tend to be more spontaneous whereas she gets anxiety over not having a plan. At times, I can't help but wonder if there is someone who might be a better fit for my life. I really want to have someone who enjoys my social circle and vice versa. I do feel a bit restricted at times. Does this seem abnormal to have questions about my partner at times?
most_distant_galaxy Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Oh don't worry. She will sense it and it's possible that she will pull away, becoming all distant and mysterious. Then, you will suddenly remember that she is irressistible and try to win her back. She will be with one foot out of the door, and you will know it. And you will like it. You will get all the suffering and suspense you crave, you will feel infatuated. And when she moves on to someone who genuinely likes her romantically, you will wonder how on earth you lost that woman. Dynamics can change in a heartbeat, so be careful what you wish for. 1
Jules Dash Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I certainly do find that I get frustrated with her at times. She's very reluctant to ever step outside her comfort zone. She is also very quiet in social settings, unless there are only a few people involved. I also tend to be more spontaneous whereas she gets anxiety over not having a plan. At times, I can't help but wonder if there is someone who might be a better fit for my life. I really want to have someone who enjoys my social circle and vice versa. I do feel a bit restricted at times. Does this seem abnormal to have questions about my partner at times? Almost like chasing Amy or chasing the ideal woman. You will never get 100% of what you are looking for in a woman. You sure you just don't want to just take your 65% and try to be happy and satisfied?
xxoo Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 With her being so straightforward, I never really developed a state intensive curiosity or infatuation, which now seems to bother me four months down the road. This stood out to me. Do you need conflict for intensity? Intensity can come from being crazy about each other, and very excited about taking the next steps together. It can come from deeply passionate sex, where you are very open with each other and share sides of yourself you never shared with anyone else. It can come from shared passions outside the bedroom, such as sports, art, or travel that gets you both excited. What are your passions? What are hers? 1
Author SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 This stood out to me. Do you need conflict for intensity? Intensity can come from being crazy about each other, and very excited about taking the next steps together. It can come from deeply passionate sex, where you are very open with each other and share sides of yourself you never shared with anyone else. It can come from shared passions outside the bedroom, such as sports, art, or travel that gets you both excited. What are your passions? What are hers? This is an interesting point. Thanks for the insight.
Author SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 So you're upset because she was straight-forward and didn't play games? Have you considered dating women with personality disorders? You'll have more than enough games and craziness to keep you on your toes. Meanwhile, you could send that nice, straight-forward girl to me. Yeah, that's absolutely true. Do you think it's normal to have things about your partner that are less than ideal or quirks you may find a little irritating?
Author SpotyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Almost like chasing Amy or chasing the ideal woman. You will never get 100% of what you are looking for in a woman. You sure you just don't want to just take your 65% and try to be happy and satisfied? This sounds pretty depressing, do you really think this is the best type of attitude to have?
xxoo Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 This sounds pretty depressing, do you really think this is the best type of attitude to have? I definitely think not. No one is perfect, but when in love that person seems darned close to perfect for at least a honeymoon period. That doesn't mean matching a list of wants, but rather someone who makes you throw out the list because you just want this person. If you're thinking about the list, it probably isn't the right person. Or maybe you're just not ready to fall in love yet. 1
ThaWholigan Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Sounds like there's no friction in this relationship. Might sound like a good thing, but sometimes even the most comfortable and pleasant of relationship need a bit of friction to spice things up. That may become a feature as time goes on though, so I'd see if there are more layers to this girl for now . 1
Emilia Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 It's not 'completely steady vs personality disorder' in most cases. You definitely need more, whether it's friction like tha Who indicated or finding intensity in different ways like xxoo said, you need to figure it out. I made the mistake of picking men in the past that were great on paper because I thought they would turn me into a better person. They irritated the hell out of me and the sex was terrible. Passion matters but you need to be smart about finding it.
slizl Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 She is good on paper and you are supposed to like her but don't, end of story. Unforunately there is no chemistry, but everyone else thinks you are a perfect couple. Sucks when that happens but it does.
Gloria25 Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 It takes at least 1 1/2 to 2 years of dating someone (no, not being their friend or co-worker) to actually get to know them... I guess you're finding out that you're not a match.
OwMyEyeball Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 What's your next big goal in life? Are you working towards it?
heartshaped Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 You know what strikes me about you, OP, and idk if it's true or not, but you seem like someone who likes working harder for something but then when you have it you aren't exactly thrilled. Besides grad school and your girlfriend have you ever felt this way in the past ?
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