jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 My boyfriend of a little over a year is literally dying to move in with me. He's 8 year younger than me (at 22). I was actually quite surprised that at his age he wanted to take this step. I suppose it's a good thing? So heres where my issue lies. He is in a touring band so he is gone for months at a time (thats not really the issue, per se). He can't really hold a great job because he has to leave all the time. He has a job @ a restaurant that keeps allowing him to take leave and then return back when he is back from tour. Id say he makes about 1200 a month before taxes (not counting tips). Mind you, thats just a guess as he doesn't have set days (which I hope he tries to have set days for guaranteed work). Do you think its fair if I ask him to pay $250 a month? Cable $70.00 Electricity $15.00 - $20.00 Parking $75.00 Groceries $90.00 He's moving in with me at the end of November and I told him I was going to give him a number of what I thought he should pay. But originally I told him "Oh help out with groceries and pay my utilities" but, thats crap money and won't really help me out.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 You won't charge him anything for rent? Does he usually pay his bills? Where does he live now? Does he pay anything for his living expenses at this time? Not making a lot of money is not the issue. What you have to evaluate is does he usually pay his bills? How trust worthy is he? 2
CarrieT Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Make a list of ALL the monthly expenses - including rent - that are incurred and tell him he can't move in until he can afford to split the bills 50/50. It shouldn't matter if he is there or touring; if he wants to share the responsibility of a household, it should be an equal proposition, not just "helping out with groceries and utilities." Sounds like he's looking for a free ride with nominal responsibility. 9
Arieswoman Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 jen-r, whoooaaaa, just slow down a minute. My boyfriend of a little over a year is literally dying to move in with me. This makes me suspicious ^^^^ Is he looking for an easy ride (pardon the pun ) ? He's only 22 and in a very unpredictable lifestyle. Does he see you as a comfy crash-pad for when he gets back from his gigging? You say that he's not on a regular income, so there may be times when he can't make the payments. Are you prepared to carry him financially at those times? I think you need to take advice from a lawyer/solicitor and draw up an agreement. When people choose to live together without being married there can be legal issues when things go wrong. You don't say if you are renting or you own the property but if you are renting there could be issues with the lease. I would tell him you aren't ready for him to move in just yet as you need to deal with the legal stuff, and see what his reaction is. Has he mentioned marriage BTW? Just my 6 penneth ... 2
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I'd say he was getting an amazing deal if you asked him for $250. Do you not pay any rent or a mortgage where you are? Is he going to be 50/50 on all household chores too or has he stepped up to say he will be doing more of that due to not working many hours? 2
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 You won't charge him anything for rent? Does he usually pay his bills? Where does he live now? Does he pay anything for his living expenses at this time? Not making a lot of money is not the issue. What you have to evaluate is does he usually pay his bills? How trust worthy is he? I'm paying rent. Everything in this apartment is mine. I sort of feel like he is just living with me in increments. If we ever moved out and got our own place, things would be different. But, I know he can't afford to split things and he definitely can't afford to pay while he is away for those months. I'm fine with this...unless he ends up costing me more while he is here. Make a list of ALL the monthly expenses - including rent - that are incurred and tell him he can't move in until he can afford to split the bills 50/50. It shouldn't matter if he is there or touring; if he wants to share the responsibility of a household, it should be an equal proposition, not just "helping out with groceries and utilities." Sounds like he's looking for a free ride with nominal responsibility. I don't think he's looking for a free ride. He has a free ride right now, he lives @ his bands apartment and pays nothing. Theres no way he could split things with me. My rent is pretty high. I am doing fine paying that on my own, I don't mind him living with me because he is here all the time anyways.
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 jen-r, whoooaaaa, just slow down a minute. This makes me suspicious ^^^^ Is he looking for an easy ride (pardon the pun ) ? He's only 22 and in a very unpredictable lifestyle. Does he see you as a comfy crash-pad for when he gets back from his gigging? You say that he's not on a regular income, so there may be times when he can't make the payments. Are you prepared to carry him financially at those times? I think you need to take advice from a lawyer/solicitor and draw up an agreement. When people choose to live together without being married there can be legal issues when things go wrong. You don't say if you are renting or you own the property but if you are renting there could be issues with the lease. I would tell him you aren't ready for him to move in just yet as you need to deal with the legal stuff, and see what his reaction is. Has he mentioned marriage BTW? Just my 6 penneth ... I'm renting. My rent would go up if the landlord knew someone else was living here, but he is never around (doesn't live here) and I never see any of the neighbors in this building. I don't think that'll be a problem. A far as him not having the money, i told him thats not an option. He has to MAKE the money cause I won't cover him.
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 I'd say he was getting an amazing deal if you asked him for $250. Do you not pay any rent or a mortgage where you are? Is he going to be 50/50 on all household chores too or has he stepped up to say he will be doing more of that due to not working many hours? He definitely is helping with cooking/cleaning/laundry. He is extremely busy though. He has shows all the time and band practice. This is the life of a musician, I'm aware of what I'm getting into. His band is gaining so much exposure and their fan base is growing pretty quickly. So, he will be making good money off the band I'd say within the next year.
Brimstone Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Funny, this was my exact situation with my ex. Except I'm the musician in this story. It is an unpredictable source of income, you just never know what's gonna happen. If you break an arm, you're pretty much done for a while... I tried to pay what I could, and she was a sweetheart for letting me do it. I paid for: most, if not all of the food(even when I wasn't there). internet 5 out of 9 months. Leisure things like movies, trips etc. It was an okay arrangement for her and me, and although the relationship has been done for a while, I feel a bit guilty for it. I should have paid more. It wasn't fair. But I couldn't. Anyway.. You need to decide if this is a road you are comfortable going down. A bit of a red flag that he's a lot younger...But since you said he already has a "free" place, it doesn't really make sense that he needs a new place... Hmm...
Fondue Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 It's not unreasonable for you to request he takes care of the monthly expenses (as stated by someone else earlier) until he can do 50/50. I am in a very similar situation as you, OP. My GF and I are moving in together, and her funds are pretty limited. SHe's a full time student and only has limited part time work hours. I told her as long as she covers for household expenses and domestic duties (yes, I'll help, but she will take care of it mostly), I am more than willing to cover all the rent and whatever else. SHe is more than happy with this arrangement.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I'm renting. My rent would go up if the landlord knew someone else was living here, but he is never around (doesn't live here) and I never see any of the neighbors in this building. I don't think that'll be a problem. A far as him not having the money, i told him thats not an option. He has to MAKE the money cause I won't cover him. Ok...so you've gotten different answers and you seem to be defending him. Soooo what are/is the question(s) you are asking??
Tayken Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 @OP.....ask yourself this, do you really want to be playing the mommy role at this stage in life? Am surprised you can see that this guy just wants to use your place as a base to come back to. I fail to see what the attraction is with a boy 8 yr younger with no job, and who obviously at that age will be more interested in the groupies from state to another. How do you think people like Jagger, Rod Stewart etc ended up with kids everywhere, paying child support and having to keep touring still at their age? I will love to be shacking up with some woman paying her a measly $250 / month. 2
Fondue Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 It's not unreasonable for you to request he takes care of the monthly expenses (as stated by someone else earlier) until he can do 50/50. I am in a very similar situation as you, OP. My GF and I are moving in together, and her funds are pretty limited. SHe's a full time student and only has limited part time work hours. I told her as long as she covers for household expenses and domestic duties (yes, I'll help, but she will take care of it mostly), I am more than willing to cover all the rent and whatever else. SHe is more than happy with this arrangement. Just wanted to clarify: Food + All the bills + household chores/cooking/laundry is what I meant. Food and the bills already have a significant amount of $$$ value. But the domestic duties are not ignored. That's labor and that costs $. In my mind, she'll definitely earn her keep. To me all that adds up to 50/50 in the end.
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Ok...so you've gotten different answers and you seem to be defending him. Soooo what are/is the question(s) you are asking?? Well if you could read, you'd see the question in my first post.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 It's not unreasonable for you to request he takes care of the monthly expenses (as stated by someone else earlier) until he can do 50/50. I am in a very similar situation as you, OP. My GF and I are moving in together, and her funds are pretty limited. SHe's a full time student and only has limited part time work hours. I told her as long as she covers for household expenses and domestic duties (yes, I'll help, but she will take care of it mostly), I am more than willing to cover all the rent and whatever else. SHe is more than happy with this arrangement. I would love to have this arrangement. It's really sweet that you don't have high expectations because you are aware of her financial situation but she is still doing her share. This would be a good idea for the OP, except the guy is rarely home. It kind of seems lose-lose...because If he doesn't have the money and is never home to do something of "value" (helping out around the house)..::then what use is he? 1
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 @OP.....ask yourself this, do you really want to be playing the mommy role at this stage in life? Am surprised you can see that this guy just wants to use your place as a base to come back to. I fail to see what the attraction is with a boy 8 yr younger with no job, and who obviously at that age will be more interested in the groupies from state to another. How do you think people like Jagger, Rod Stewart etc ended up with kids everywhere, paying child support and having to keep touring still at their age? I will love to be shacking up with some woman paying her a measly $250 / month. lol, definitely not playing the "mommy" roll. You can't assume that you know how he is? Thats a generalization "all guys in bands **** groupies." The guys in the band that have girlfriends are extremely dedicated to them.
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 I would love to have this arrangement. It's really sweet that you don't have high expectations because you are aware of her financial situation but she is still doing her share. This would be a good idea for the OP, except the guy is rarely home. It kind of seems lose-lose...because If he doesn't have the money and is never home to do something of "value" (helping out around the house)..::then what use is he? What USE is he? Are you serious? Perhaps I support him and see talent and success in his future? Jesus.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 He definitely is helping with cooking/cleaning/laundry. He is extremely busy though. He has shows all the time and band practice. This is the life of a musician, I'm aware of what I'm getting into. His band is gaining so much exposure and their fan base is growing pretty quickly. So, he will be making good money off the band I'd say within the next year. He can't help you with the chores and what not if he's not there...so you should probably hike up that $250 because this is a STEALLLLL!!! (If he is even able to/wants to give it to you consistently) GL 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 What USE is he? Are you serious? Perhaps I support him and see talent and success in his future? Jesus. Financially? Because you can provide moral support and love, while he stays where he is.
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 He can't help you with the chores and what not if he's not there...so you should probably hike up that $250 because this is a STEALLLLL!!! (If he is even able to/wants to give it to you consistently) GL lol, can you stop commenting?
heartshaped Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 What USE is he? Are you serious? Perhaps I support him and see talent and success in his future? Jesus. So..you're 30...dating some 22 year old in a band....who you haven't dated for a year and is quite eager to move in..who doesn't have guaranteed work/steady employment...and you want to know whether charging him $250 is fair?... 3
Author jen_r Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 So..you're 30...dating some 22 year old in a band....who you haven't dated for a year and is quite eager to move in..who doesn't have guaranteed work/steady employment...and you want to know whether charging him $250 is fair?... Weve been together for over a year. For making only 1200(?) a month. That was the question.
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 if you are not going to charge him for the rent then it's fair... he is going to counter you however with something to lower it, like the fact that he isn't there at times so he shouldn't pay for groceries and you reply with that you pay ALL of the rent and his portion too so him paying for groceries is perfectly fine.
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 So, it sounds like you are going ahead anyway... OP, you say he basically lives with you anyway. What does he contribute currently financially? What has he contributed financially so far and how long has he been 'basically living with you'? Also,if you do get found out by the landlord you'll need to know he is willing to cover that extra cost. If you have a legal contract stating that you are the sole occupier you do know that the landlord could choose to take you to court over this if it's discovered?
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Weve been together for over a year. For making only 1200(?) a month. That was the question. Um...you don't actually know for sure what he makes net per month yet?
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