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For guys that are dating more than one girl


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Posted

Are you having sex with both of them? If so, and they don't know, do you feel guilty? I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that I couldn't have sex with more than one partner. I would feel horrible. Any input is welcomed.

Posted

You could also ask women about this...not a guy exclusive situation

  • Like 3
Posted

If it doesn't feel right to you, don't do it. Just don't assume your partners feel the same way as you do. As long as you do the responsible thing such as "get checked," and where a condom, there is nothing morally wrong with having more than one sex partner. Of course you should also let your partners know that you are dating others to give them the opportunity to decide if they want to pursue any sort of intimate relationship with you.

It's find that it is no big deal in the later 30s to 40s club which I am in.

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Posted
You could also ask women about this...not a guy exclusive situation

 

Yes, this is true and to be politically correct I was going to, but I am a woman, and was hoping for a guys perspective on the subject at hand. Not trying to pin point any particular sex, not saying men do this, but I am curious and wanted feedback from a guys perspective. Seeing as though, I am not a guy, I don't know what men are thinking, however I am a woman and I know how I feel.

Posted
Yes, this is true and to be politically correct I was going to, but I am a woman, and was hoping for a guys perspective on the subject at hand. Not trying to pin point any particular sex, not saying men do this, but I am curious and wanted feedback from a guys perspective. Seeing as though, I am not a guy, I don't know what men are thinking, however I am a woman and I know how I feel.

 

 

Women are thinking the same thing as men on this. I assure you.

Posted
Yes, this is true and to be politically correct I was going to, but I am a woman, and was hoping for a guys perspective on the subject at hand. Not trying to pin point any particular sex, not saying men do this, but I am curious and wanted feedback from a guys perspective. Seeing as though, I am not a guy, I don't know what men are thinking, however I am a woman and I know how I feel.

 

I wasn't being defensive about it, and I'm about the least PC of a person on this board because I just say it how it is and cut the BS.

 

But I've known women to do this more often than men, as they try to decide who's the best match...who's permanent, just for fun, or somewhere in the middle...at some point they decide to be exclusive with one typically but maybe after banging them all.

 

So men are doing it in a sense out of selfishness too, and since they're not in a relationship so they don't feel obligated to one woman. But men are generally more ok with just having the sex part even if it doesn't go anywhere where women are more often actually looking for something serious but screwing around in the interim.

 

But no, people don't really feel guilty for the things they do because they all justify their own behavior...he's not a "cheater" because he's not in a "relationship"...you never talked about "exclusivity"...he never said he wouldn't sleep with anyone else...that's how people gauge morality, they determine what is socially acceptable and go by those rules and play around with loop-holes and avoid negative labels or perceptions...and some people just don't downright care at all what people think of them.

 

Guys are going to tell you a lot of things or not admit to doing it though, people are just going to dish out the justifications or excuses. Nobody wants to be judged or labeled, even on an anonymous forum.

 

So you're going to have to live with the fact that some people just are capable of this, and others are not...and you just simply can't relate and aren't compatible because you will likely never understand them. The only reason you ask why is because some guy hurt you or you saw some guy do it, but it really doesn't matter why in the end.

  • Author
Posted
I wasn't being defensive about it, and I'm about the least PC of a person on this board because I just say it how it is and cut the BS.

 

But I've known women to do this more often than men, as they try to decide who's the best match...who's permanent, just for fun, or somewhere in the middle...at some point they decide to be exclusive with one typically but maybe after banging them all.

 

So men are doing it in a sense out of selfishness too, and since they're not in a relationship so they don't feel obligated to one woman. But men are generally more ok with just having the sex part even if it doesn't go anywhere where women are more often actually looking for something serious but screwing around in the interim.

 

But no, people don't really feel guilty for the things they do because they all justify their own behavior...he's not a "cheater" because he's not in a "relationship"...you never talked about "exclusivity"...he never said he wouldn't sleep with anyone else...that's how people gauge morality, they determine what is socially acceptable and go by those rules and play around with loop-holes and avoid negative labels or perceptions...and some people just don't downright care at all what people think of them.

 

Guys are going to tell you a lot of things or not admit to doing it though, people are just going to dish out the justifications or excuses. Nobody wants to be judged or labeled, even on an anonymous forum.

 

So you're going to have to live with the fact that some people just are capable of this, and others are not...and you just simply can't relate and aren't compatible because you will likely never understand them. The only reason you ask why is because some guy hurt you or you saw some guy do it, but it really doesn't matter why in the end.

 

I got your points, and thanks for the clarification! I have been hurt, yes, but I am new to this dating thing!! I dated one guy for a while after my separation/divorce, and that is done. So now I am trying to move forward, and I don't know what to expect. Which is my reason for posting this thread.

Posted
You could also ask women about this...not a guy exclusive situation

 

 

^ Bang on

 

Are you having sex with both of them?

 

In some cases it's more than just two...for some people that is.

 

I'll say "guilt" will only be possible if exclusivity was involved.

Posted
I got your points, and thanks for the clarification! I have been hurt, yes, but I am new to this dating thing!! I dated one guy for a while after my separation/divorce, and that is done. So now I am trying to move forward, and I don't know what to expect. Which is my reason for posting this thread.

 

 

You can expect anything and everything. Don't assume someone is having sex with you exclusively or dating you exclusively unless you both agree to this and you have no reason to think he would not hold up his end of the bargain.

Posted (edited)

I've been single for long time, and I feel I have less dating experience than I would like. So, if I had the opportunity to date multiple girls at once, yes, I would do it, and I would not feel guilty.

Edited by oberkeat
Posted

In my opinion, it's sleazy to have sex with more than one person at the same time and hide or conceal that fact. If it's all above board and nobody minds, have at it. If not, it's sleazy, in my opinion.

  • Like 5
Posted
In my opinion, it's sleazy to have sex with more than one person at the same time and hide or conceal that fact. If it's all above board and nobody minds, have at it. If not, it's sleazy, in my opinion.

 

Same. Nothing more to add.

Posted

If we are offically "girlfriend and boyfriend" then I would consider it cheating if either of us slept with another.

 

However, if we are in the early stages of dating and we are not "exclusive" then I consider myself free like a bird and YES I will sleep with others if I feel like it and not feel bad about it.

Posted

You can also try not sleeping with each other until you are exclusive.

Posted
You can also try not sleeping with each other until you are exclusive.

 

Touché.

 

Great lesson I've learned.

Posted
Are you having sex with both of them? If so, and they don't know, do you feel guilty? I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that I couldn't have sex with more than one partner. I would feel horrible. Any input is welcomed.

I did the 'old-fashioned' version of multi-dating, decades ago when I did it, where one socialized with numerous people until deciding if any of them were sufficiently compelling, mutually of course, to get to know on a more one-to-one basis. Romance was always on the table but sex, meaning any sort of genital contact, was relegated to committed exclusive relationships.

 

I have no idea what the ladies did. Since casual/uncommitted sex was commonplace in my generation, I presumed they met the generality and didn't concern myself, rather watched how they acted and interacted, in general, to see if there was any synergy. TBH, more dating experiences failed than succeeded due to my more deliberate sexual perspective. We were simply incompatible in that way.

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