PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Bah "serial dating", stupid name. Anyone who knows anything about electronics knows that "serial" means starting one after the other has finished. Multi-dating should be called parallel dating, not serial dating! The quandary you are currently in, is exactly the reason I have never done it. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Bah "serial dating", stupid name. Anyone who knows anything about electronics knows that "serial" means starting one after the other has finished. Multi-dating should be called parallel dating, not serial dating! The quandary you are currently in, is exactly the reason I have never done it. i'm not really in a quandary. I want to just see date 1 girl but a lot of people on here are urging me to not get too comfortable too quickly and explore other options which is the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 i'm not really in a quandary. I want to just see date 1 girl but a lot of people on here are urging me to not get too comfortable too quickly and explore other options which is the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. Exactly, don't get too invested too quickly with one girl. You don't know if she will do the same with you. You should be prepared to move on to the next. There isn't anything wrong with multi-dating until you and one particular girl are in-synch.
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Exactly, don't get too invested too quickly with one girl. You don't know if she will do the same with you. You should be prepared to move on to the next. There isn't anything wrong with multi-dating until you and one particular girl are in-synch. And, trust me, you will go through a number of girls so what multi-dating does for you is allow you to move on from dates that don't go well. Keeps you from getting upset/depressed/dwelling over them. Keeps you busy.
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Exactly, don't get too invested too quickly with one girl. You don't know if she will do the same with you. You should be prepared to move on to the next. There isn't anything wrong with multi-dating until you and one particular girl are in-synch. this has stressed me out a little to be honest. I'm very traditional, my mother, dad, sister etc have never dated more than one person at a time so when it comes down to it is seems unnatural. Maybe I am getting carried away, but I'm pretty certain she really likes me as much as I like her! 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 maybe I should at least go on a date with the other two. Also see how I feel on thurs. I have a second helping of girl 1 before I even have to make a decision!
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. Follow your gut dude. Many of the posters here are from the US, where the whole approach to dating is different, and multi-dating is a lot more prevalent. If you do multi-dating in the UK and the women find out you are seeing others, you'll likely not get another date with any of them. 5
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Follow your gut dude. Many of the posters here are from the US, where the whole approach to dating is different, and multi-dating is a lot more prevalent. If you do multi-dating in the UK and the women find out you are seeing others, you'll likely not get another date with any of them. I do feel like just seeing date 1 girl at the moment and they live fairly close date 1 and date 2 girl. mmm....
Andy_K Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 i'm not really in a quandary. I want to just see date 1 girl but a lot of people on here are urging me to not get too comfortable too quickly and explore other options which is the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. Follow your instinct. The last thing you want to do is end up explaining to some girl you're really into that you were dating others too, when you didn't really want to be. Remember you're not in the US like most of the posters here, you're in darkest Devon, where multi dating is still the exception rather than the rule. And if things work out great, wouldn't you like to be able to look her in the eyes a year from now and tell her that from the first time you met her you weren't interested in anyone else? In my opinion, online dating fails so often precisely because nobody ever takes a chance and puts their faith in anyone. And you know what? If things don't work out, and you come back online and start talking to the girls you never met with, there's every chance they'll respect you more for following your convictions and not looking to waste anyone's time. 3
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 date three prospect lives further away like 1hr and a half to the 30 mins that date 1 and 2 are away from me. I would say date 1 and 2 are also both more attractive to me than date 3. I sound very superficial here sorry :S
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 this has stressed me out a little to be honest. I'm very traditional, my mother, dad, sister etc have never dated more than one person at a time so when it comes down to it is seems unnatural. Maybe I am getting carried away, but I'm pretty certain she really likes me as much as I like her! You are not dating more than one person at a time. You are going out for an evening with a person who may or may not want to go out with you again. You'd be dating more than one person at a time if after a month you are going out regularly with two or more people and/or sleeping with them. That's an issue. You are not obligated to these girls yet, neither are they to you. You sister may have been lucky enough to find one to stick with right away and so might your parents. It is unlikely that either your mom or your dad never went out with other people before they met and were married. They just found each other. If that happened and they were very young and never did date anyone else, they were just plain lucky.
Mascara Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Firstly, the initial date is just a meeting. It's not really a date, so it's fine to set up several meetings. But after that.... OP you're in the UK. You're getting lots of advice from US members, but it may not be relevant. Multi dating is quite common in the States, but not over here - it happens but it's a fairly new concept. Don't be surprised if you meet someone a few times, she sees you online or learns that you're still setting up dates with others and she thinks "sod that, I'm off". Over here, it's generally assumed that the other person is not multi-dating. So if you are, you need to mention it. The whole "are we exclusive" conversation is often quite a surprise over here. I only ever had it when I dated an American. Disclaimer - I know some Brits do do it the American way. But going by discussions previously on this forum, it's not universal, or even something people are aware of. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Follow your instinct. The last thing you want to do is end up explaining to some girl you're really into that you were dating others too, when you didn't really want to be. Remember you're not in the US like most of the posters here, you're in darkest Devon, where multi dating is still the exception rather than the rule. And if things work out great, wouldn't you like to be able to look her in the eyes a year from now and tell her that from the first time you met her you weren't interested in anyone else? In my opinion, online dating fails so often precisely because nobody ever takes a chance and puts their faith in anyone. And you know what? If things don't work out, and you come back online and start talking to the girls you never met with, there's every chance they'll respect you more for following your convictions and not looking to waste anyone's time. I feel comforted that peops are starting to come around to my way of thinking! . I am sooo traditional that it upsets my psyche to consider multi dating. I kinda arranged these back up dates incase date 1 girl just plain didn't like me. But she does. Thinks I'm hot, a great kisser and wants to spend lots of time with me 1
the tank Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 When you will met a girl you like, you should concentrate on her. But until you met her , nothing wrong with multi dating !
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 You should always do what you want to do. However, you came here looking for advice. Got numerous like responses and one who agrees with you. Do you go to ten doctors when you are sick until you find the doctor who tells you you aren't sick? Just keep an open mind. Date this girl for as long as it takes you to find out if she's the one if you like. Give it the time you want to invest. But, don't get too wrapped up so soon. That's all. You don't want to be let down, spend a ton of time getting over it and missing out on other opportunities. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 You should always do what you want to do. However, you came here looking for advice. Got numerous like responses and one who agrees with you. Do you go to ten doctors when you are sick until you find the doctor who tells you you aren't sick? Just keep an open mind. Date this girl for as long as it takes you to find out if she's the one if you like. Give it the time you want to invest. But, don't get too wrapped up so soon. That's all. You don't want to be let down, spend a ton of time getting over it and missing out on other opportunities. you have a good point there. So how do people on here think about multi dating yay or no? I've heard a lot of yay's.
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 You've heard yay's from the US folks, nay's from the UK ones. But who cares what others think? If it would "upset your psyche" then don't do it! You need to make your own moral judgements here, not use anyone else's. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 I'm happy for you that you've met a kindred spirit so soon! i'm not really in a quandary. I want to just see date 1 girl but a lot of people on here are urging me to not get too comfortable too quickly and explore other options which is the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. Don't listen to a bunch of random yahoos on the Internet - myself included! But seriously, your instincts know what's right for you way more than anybody here does. this has stressed me out a little to be honest. I'm very traditional, my mother, dad, sister etc have never dated more than one person at a time so when it comes down to it is seems unnatural. Maybe I am getting carried away, but I'm pretty certain she really likes me as much as I like her! I'm exactly like you. I could never go on a date with another person if I had already planned date #2 with someone I really liked. It would feel very unnatural and sneaky to me. Follow your gut dude. Many of the posters here are from the US, where the whole approach to dating is different, and multi-dating is a lot more prevalent. If you do multi-dating in the UK and the women find out you are seeing others, you'll likely not get another date with any of them. So true. And people wonder why we in the US have the highest divorce rate in the world. It's this instant gratification, disposable human resources mentality that's plaguing us. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 The crux of this entire thread is really about getting too invested too soon in a person you just met. You can't possibly know a person after one, two, three dates. If you think you do, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain. This is where instant gratification comes in. You are in an instant relationship and the work is already beginning. The bottomline is date whomever you are attracted to for as long as you like. If you like him or her enough, you will naturally do what you want/need. In other words, if you like a person after two dates or whatever so much as to say I'm not going to or I don't want to ask anyone else out, that's what you'll do. It'll just happen. Quid, you are asking this question because you are struggling with it. Step back a little. Are you absolutely convinced you want to date her and no one else so soon? The other person might not do that though. But, be prepared to move on. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 Ellie and I are now in a relationship 1
Tayken Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Follow your gut dude. Many of the posters here are from the US, where the whole approach to dating is different, and multi-dating is a lot more prevalent. If you do multi-dating in the UK and the women find out you are seeing others, you'll likely not get another date with any of them. Not just that mate, they might even out him on Twitter, chop his goolies off or even worse. Are the British now multiple daters rather than serial monogamists? 1
mysteryscape Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I met this girl (the Thursday date girl - who I ended up meeting yesterday) and we really hit it off. And we are going on our second date on Thursday as originally planned. I really like her. I'm edging toward just sticking with this one. But perhaps my inexperience has clouded my judgement. All I know is I really like her. Our 9 hour date felt like a few hours, very comfortable like we'd known each other for a long time Fascinating reading this thread, back when I was young we did things a lot differently, "multidating" if it was done at all was not like today. I came up OP first post where he mentioned being out for 9 or 10 hours and thought, "if that was me, and I felt like being with someone that long, I would not have to think twice about dropping the others and seeing how it went with her." So, am glad to see OP that you came to the same conclusion yourself! Will be interested to see how this plays out later in the thread. Good luck to you!
mysteryscape Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 i'm not really in a quandary. I want to just see date 1 girl but a lot of people on here are urging me to not get too comfortable too quickly and explore other options which is the exact opposite I what my gut is telling me to do. Go with your gut, guy! There is no reason to be pressured into doing what you feel isn't right -- right for you. Remember, the state of romantic relationships is not exactly great these days with the current regime. And, remember too, the OLD industry is pursuing its own financial interest by pushing the multidating template.
mysteryscape Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 You're getting lots of advice from US members, but it may not be relevant. Multi dating is quite common in the States, but not over here - it happens but it's a fairly new concept. Don't be surprised if you meet someone a few times, she sees you online or learns that you're still setting up dates with others and she thinks "sod that, I'm off". Over here, it's generally assumed that the other person is not multi-dating. So if you are, you need to mention it. The whole "are we exclusive" conversation is often quite a surprise over here. I only ever had it when I dated an American. Mascara, you are right, it is an American thing, and at least in its present incarnation, fairly new here too. I'm an American, older than most here, unfortunately trying to adjust to the romantic world of today, such as it is. I'll tell you, a lot of Americans hate it too. From what I can tell -- from online surveys and personal conversation -- most American women, maybe even 9 out of 10, given the choice, would far prefer to be dating only person at a time.
mysteryscape Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 you have a good point there. So how do people on here think about multi dating yay or no? I've heard a lot of yay's. I don't think you're hearing only one nay! You're hearing some yays and several people who probably have somewhat reluctantly signed on to the OLD way of doing things who are telling you to go with your gut instinct.
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