2 months and still going- update and some advice on coping :)

[katiebour]

Hi folks,

just wanted to say hi and give a quick update since I"m feeling pretty low tonight. BF broke up with me 2 months ago; god was it that long ago? In the interim, I've survived a hectic term of grad school/student teaching, gotten my own place, gone on a few dates, and am still putting one foot in front of the other.

 

At first it was just a challenge to wake up and get up in the morning; suicide was constantly on my mind. It hurts so much to build your life around someone and lose them. I like Sarah Mclachlan's song "Terms of Endearment"- she has a line "Our dreams we planned a whole life long- now are scattered on the wind." I felt like that, and in some ways I still do.

 

School was a constant boon- as long as I got there (some days I just stayed home and cried) the kids were a great pick-me-up; their energy, enthusiasm, and need for me really pulled me along. My schoolmates in my classes have been really kind as well.

 

Friends are so, so important- I've had a lot of sobbing phone calls late at night, working out my pain with people that love me. It helps.

 

Therapy has been good- I'm starting to work on some of my emotional pitfalls that landed me in the relationship and that eventually contributed to its end. It's hard work to change the patterns of a lifetime- but I have to start somewhere.

 

Books, books, books- I've been doing a lot of reading, both for pleasure and for personal growth. If you need help coping, pick up a copy of "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Bloomfield, Colgrove, and Williams- this book is an absolute lifesaver. You will laugh, cry, and feel better after reading it. It is a lifeline.

 

Most days I feel pretty good about myself- I'm coping, working, and in 3 months I'll get my teaching license and my masters! Yay!

 

Dates were...interesting. First guy was all over me physically- kind of a shock cause I've never experienced that before. Anyway, I fended off his amorous attentions and told him that I wasn't really interested in seeing him again. The second date was nice- however, I was very up-front about not wanting to be manhandled- and surprise! He didn't call back. Hehe... my break-up cynicism is showing again. I do feel pretty cynical and sad these days- not sure if I'll ever find someone that I love as much as I love my ex. I do still love him- as much as I've tried to hate him, to nitpick all his faults, he's still a great guy and I'm hung up on him. But I hope that he finds happiness and makes some lucky girl very happy. Hopefully karma will kick in and find me a man who adores me!

 

Anyway, it's been a long two months for me, and the road to single happiness still stretches out in front of me. I'm not there yet, but I can imagine a day when I won't miss him anymore. It may be a year down the road, but I made it through a few months, I can make it through a year. In the meantime I'm focusing on my career and my finances- gonna get myself all straightened out, so that I can be a full partner and a great catch for some lucky guy someday!

 

Some parting words, for now:

 

Let yourself feel sorrow- but don't drown in it. Don't deliberately provoke depression sessions- call a friend or come post here instead of checking out his/her website, sending them a message, or calling them. (This from someone who still does all of the above occasionally, but I'm getting better )

 

The time you spend in pain will get smaller and smaller in time, as life steps in and keeps moving.

 

If you can't feel hope, then don't worry about it- just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope will come with time.

 

Try a date, if you dare: being desired by a complete stranger can be very comforting to your ego

 

Thanks for letting me post all- I feel a lot better now than I did 15 minutes ago. I'm gonna go take a nice long hot bath, eat some dinner, get a good book, and continue procrastinating on my schoolwork. I think I might go pick up a movie too- I haven't seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and I think I'm in the mood for it

 

Love and hugs to all you fellow survivors of heart- and soul- break.

[greenhorn]

Good Luck Katiebour,

 

Seems you are progressing good and your words are encouragement to all others, post like this are inspirational.

 

 

"The Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind" I have this movie permanently copied in my hard disk and whenever I feel like I watch it...good choice

 

bye

[Donut]

You sound like your keeping yourself busy and you're doing all the right things, keep on keeping on!