lyndaaxo Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) A couple of months ago I decided to take a break from dating and the bad experiences I had and focus on myself. I'm learning a new language, exercising more and seeing friends when I can. Its going well, except I'm lonely! Before this break I was kind of a serial dater, trying to find someone I connected with. I think miss dating, even though I don't think I want to date anymore. I don't know what to do to stop myself feeling lonely, I'm trying to stick to my guns, but its hard. Edited October 25, 2014 by lyndaaxo 2
Jules Dash Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 It's tough in your situation. Do you have a pet? A dog really does help if you are a dog lover. 1
Brimstone Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I'm in the exact same situation! Sadly I don't have a pet... We should talk! Hugs for you and everyone else in the lonely club! It's tough but it'll get better!
Arieswoman Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Good on you lyndaaxo! Sometimes we need to take 'time out' to evaluate our position and do some work with/on ourselves. It can be lonely to start with but we can learn to be content with our own company, and then when a guy comes along we can consciously decide whether or not we want them in our lives. Learning (and mastering) any new skill gives confidence and makes us more attractive as a potential partner. Good luck and keep going ! x
Author lyndaaxo Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 Good on you lyndaaxo! Sometimes we need to take 'time out' to evaluate our position and do some work with/on ourselves. It can be lonely to start with but we can learn to be content with our own company, and then when a guy comes along we can consciously decide whether or not we want them in our lives. Learning (and mastering) any new skill gives confidence and makes us more attractive as a potential partner. Good luck and keep going ! x Thank you for the encouragement! And thanks to everyone else too. Also, my housemates are getting a pet soon, but I'm only really in on the evenings and some weekends so I can't justify getting one of my own. 1
Gloria25 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I think there's truth to the saying that 'life is sweeter when you can share it with someone'... But, if you can't function without dating, then something's missing there. Now, granted, there are people who replace dating with other things (i.e. career) so they can isolate themselves from dating, but that IMO, is the other extreme.
Author lyndaaxo Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 I think there's truth to the saying that 'life is sweeter when you can share it with someone'... But, if you can't function without dating, then something's missing there. Now, granted, there are people who replace dating with other things (i.e. career) so they can isolate themselves from dating, but that IMO, is the other extreme. I never said I can't function, I'm saying I feel lonely because of the transition from dating to not dating.
Gloria25 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I never said I can't function, I'm saying I feel lonely because of the transition from dating to not dating. And, I'm not saying that you said you cannot function... I guess I'm just saying that "if" you can't function there would be an issue. But yea, there is a transition between having someone around and doing things on your own. One time I broke up it was really difficult cuz that guy spent a lot of time with me - something I wasn't used to. He called on the regular, again, something I wasn't used to. So, when it was over it took me a while to transition back into my own routine. While I'm not dating my mom (lol) and family, the same thing happens when they come into town and leave. Since they stay for months at a time, there is a transition period for me. So, just hang in there, hopefully with time you'll get back into a grove that works for you.
carhill Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 IMO, feelings are like canaries in the coal mine. They indicate something is going on worth taking a closer look at. Loneliness can be a confluence of emotions. If you had to identify those most relevant, what would they be? A lack of an emotion can also be relevant, in that your brain 'misses' the emotion and that leaves a 'hangover' of sorts. When was your last LTR or marriage?
Mister Zen Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I never said I can't function, I'm saying I feel lonely because of the transition from dating to not dating. Just wait it out. The human brain is very adaptable. We can get used to almost anything over time.
Author lyndaaxo Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 When was your last LTR or marriage? Well I'm only 23, my last lengthy relationship was over 3 years ago, but I've been single this time around for coming up to a year and half.
carhill Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 So, your last LTR ended at around age 20. Given your age and history, IMO, continue on the current path you've chosen, to expand your learning horizons and engage friends and pursue activities of personal interest and accept/make social invitation as they arise. When young, experiences, even if transient, provide a road map of life understanding and solidify of your 'path' in life. When you're out with friends, do you feel lonely because you're not 'coupled'? If so, does it matter whether the friends you're out with are single or coupled? For example, do you feel more lonely when out with couples than with single friends or coupled/married friends out without their SO/spouse? Do you think you're a 'better' person when you have a regular BF/mate? Why or why not? Just some questions to ponder. IMO, if you run into otherwise enjoyable gentlemen, go with the flow. It doesn't have to be forever. You mentioned 'serial' dating. At your age, that's reasonable. Each 'serial' is good information.
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