jayman11 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Dear peeps, Ive been reading this forum for sometime now as an outlet for inspiration, and im coming here for advice. Let me start with my story, this is gonna get lengthy so please forgive me. I fell in love with my wife and married her in 1999, i was only 22 at the time, and after a long road together, things really turned sour in our relationship. I was coping with working a job that was 50-60 hours a week, never getting to go out and do anything, and up to our neck in debt. I love my wife very dearly, and as a child she had it pretty rough, and has a colorful character about her. Well i began having some friends from work that would come over and stay late sometimes, well she didnt like this, but instead of talking about it we began having these knock down drag out fights, and she would get very aggresive with me. Well a co-worker of mine became a very easy person to talk to because of how upset I was with the way things were at home, and before i knew what happend i found myself in an affair with her. It seemed soo easy to talk to her and so hard to deal with home, and this lasted for about 3 months, well upon my wifes arising suspision, and getting the phone call from her caught, I ended the affair and made the best effort to sweep it under the rug(my wife had left at this time), well i got her back home through lying about it, but about 2 weeks before christmas of 2002, she found my cell phone bill and i was caught. She left me again, well i spent the next couple of weeks trying to get her home, only to find that during christmas she had began her own affair, but somehow she came back home. By this time i was in a world of full blown depression, i didnt know if i was coming or going. I honestly felt like our marrage was over. Well another woman comes on to me, and like a stupid azz I began talking to her, which i got caught for as well, bingo shes gone again, so i tell myself just move on and see where this goes, the relationship is broken and there aint no fixing it, so take care of your self and see if there is other happiness out there. Well, when the divorce papers came, some little spark in my brain went off, and I knew that the best thing to do was fix my marriage, and I moved on from that relationship, which she was in another relationship as well. well somehow by the grace of God i got her back, and we went for almost 2 years back together, but it was a weekly occurance to have the events of the past to blow up in my face, and I have never been soo uncomfortable with something in my life. I felt so ashamed about it and it was really hard for me to talk to her about it. Alot of added stress came from my job, but by a weird twist of fate, my employment with the place ended back in the end of september. I thought this would be a good thing since soo many problems for us had revolved around there. But this left me without a job during Christmas, and had a heck of a time finding another job. I had my retirement fund from there for us to live on through the 1st of the year, so we werent broke, but she became very resentful of the fack that i didnt have to go to work during the day, and i was dealing with a severe round of insomnia, so i would stay up really late at night, and sleep late the next day. Well on Jan14th I came home to find her packing her things and saying she couldnt be here anymore. (the same day i got my new job offer if you can believe), well I was just crushed. She filed for divorce on Jan 19th, and was out on a date with another guy who lives near her family within another week. I have been pursuing her since she left, sent her valentines, only to find out that he had sent his own valentines to her and she went out with him on V-day. She now says that shes not in love with me anymore, and that she loves him. Shes extremelly cold to me, and proclaims that im the one who did this to us, and I should have never cheated on her. Its almost like the 2 years we were back together never happend, and were back to where we were before we got back together. I know the easy path would be to just move on and forget her, but I love her too much to just do that, I know theres a way to get her back out there, I just dont know what to do. I know she doesnt like the idea of other women around me now, even tho she tells me to just move on, go find someone else. I just want the end result for us to be back in a happy healthy relationship, ive prayed about this, and God tells me the same thing every day, that if i believe then theres a way. I just have to find the door. If anyone of ya can toss me some advice, please o please do so. I get the point that ive got to stop calling her, and pretty much dissapear from sight, and even start dating others, I just dont know if i can outwit or overcome this new man in her life, and another point on that, if she is so sure she loves him, why does she tell her friends that she dont know about him, that hes too young, etc. The guy is nowhere close to her caliber of man, hes just a bum with a sob story that gave her a shoulder to cry on. Im sorry i made this soo long, but i felt that if i gave you the complete story, that you could see better where im coming from, I love her and I dont have to have her back, but man i want her back.
Mr Spock Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 It seems to me you both married when neither one of you was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If you wanted your wife so badly you'd keep your penis out of other people's vaginas. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is just move on. For all intents and purposes your marriage is over. You seem to have a thing where you work hard to get her back and then just sh*t all over the relationship. I'd say your options now are to make a mental note of how this turned out, and not do it again to your next relationship. And it doesn't seem that you would know what kind of man she needs, since it's obviously not you. Stop playing and get out of her headspace. Let her figure out if she wants you.
westernxer Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 I agree... you both married too soon, when neither was ready for it. She's VERY upset with you, and I wouldn't blame her. Don't worry about it, though. You're still young enough to turn it around, provided you learn from your mistakes. Nothing like a little experience to open one's eyes. I just dont know if i can outwit or overcome this new man in her life Forget about him. Just worry about your own well-being. Divorce sounds like a godsend at this point. ... just be grateful you don't have kids (or do you?).
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