Chemist Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Men have become experts in lying and manipulating hurt women. Hahahah hahaha ha.. ha... ha.... Are you ****ing serious? You are pathetic. SOME women are just as bad as SOME men. go out with him, stop being a sissy. Maybe he just got a divorce and has no idea how to meet girls. Maybe he's too busy to meet girls. Too good for me attitudes are highly unattractive and don't make any sense to me in the first place. Have some confidence.
Negative Nancy Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 you want alpha guys for sex and provider guys for marriage Give me a break. Men do the same and categorize women the same way - they **** the sluts in their 20s, but only marry the "unicorn" in their 30s when THEY feel ready to settle down after sampling tons of p***y. That's the same as alpha ****s, beta bucks. If you guys disagree then I have to ask you why you guys haven't settled down with a "good woman" yet and are still single in your late 20s, early 30s.
gaius Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Awww, thanks, babe! From the first phone conversations, I keep hearing a couple of comments echo: "It's very refreshing to talk to an intelligent woman with real drive and passion," and "it's hard to find a real intellectual connection, but it seems like we can have interesting conversation about anything." I guess I worry that men don't fall in love with interesting - they fall in love with gorgeous, relative to themselves. It's very annoying when you feel all gooey and antsy in your stomach because a guy just pushes the right buttons. So much easier to be relaxed when you don't care as much. You know I asked Disenchantedly out without even knowing what she looked like. There was just something in the conversation that was amazing and unique, that was missing in the last 200 women I talked to before her. Still can't really even explain it to this day. I was lucky that she turned out to be beautiful but guys often do fall for the connection more than anything else. Just not all of them are brave enough to pursue it. You can't rule it out until you've spent some time with him in person and seen how he makes you feel sitting right across from him. After a half an hour you might find all that nervousness and intimidation melting away. And what's the real downside anyway? Even if it doesn't work out you get to stare at a hot guy in person for an hour or two. It's a step up from when you had to stare at that surprisingly chubby guy for an hour.
Negative Nancy Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 You know I asked Disenchantedly out . Whatever happened to Jersey shortie anyway? I've never seen around again here anymore and I always liked her posts. Tell her I said hi if you're still in touch with her.
Andy_K Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) "Really attracted to you" does not give her security and stability, nor it pays bills, nor it raises kids. The problem though, is that women are expecting guys to believe that they feel the exact same level of physical attraction and chemistry with the nice guy they meet in their thirties as they did with the bad boys they dated in their twenties.... as if fate just suddenly gave them a guy who has all that, plus long term potential too. And it sounds a bit fishy to us. We're not naive. We realise that as you get older your priorities change. You place less priority on the looks or charm and more priority on what's inside. To you that's not settling. To us it is. No guy wants to be a compromise. He wants to be the guy you lusted for, the one who makes you feel the same way the hot guys you dated in your twenties did. Your first choice, your natural type. If he doesn't make you feel that way, he's a compromise. And no amount of saying 'but you will make a great dad' will make up for that in his head Edited October 25, 2014 by Andy_K
Negative Nancy Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) No guy wants to be a compromise. He wants to be the guy you lusted for, the one who makes you feel the same way the hot guys you dated in your twenties did. Your first choice, your natural type. If he doesn't make you feel that way, he's a compromise. And no amount of saying 'but you will make a great dad' will make up for that in his head LOL and you don't think women want to feel the same way? Do you think it's great for us women to know that we are the average plain janes that you chose to settle for simply because the hot girls that you TRULY desire and lust after don't give you the time of the day? Do you think it's great for women to realize that no matter how attractive you try to be for your man, he will ALWAYS lust after other women and get off to unrealistic porn stars? Do you think it's great for women to know that men inherently desire VARIETY and that no matter what you do, you simply can't be someone else other than yourself and that that is never enough for a man, that ONE woman is never enough for men? Do you think it's great to realize that when you walk down the streets, you see the wandering eye of your man and you KNOW that in his head he is undressing her and trying to picture sex with her? Do you think it feels good to realize that you as a woman are one particular type, but your men gets off to women in porn that look NOTHING like you and therefore you realize you're not his first choice, but simply a warm wet hole? Men are even WORSE than women when it comes to their inherent desire for variety (men even admit this by saying how many good-looking women they see on the streets every day) and I think - to not derail the thread any further - this is exactly the reason why Ruby broke it off with her last boyfriend and why she is wary about this new fella, because women don't like to feel like they are their men's second choice EITHER. Edited October 25, 2014 by Negative Nancy
ComingInHot Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I agree. I'm a guy that has security and stability. However, as I previously stated, recent changes in society have made it so the man also needs a sense of security and stability from his wife. To me, that is intense attraction. If a woman is not intensely attracted to me, I would think that she is settling for me because she is getting old and anyone will do. Why wouldn't I think this? Why wouldn't any man think this? I believe this. I am going to be attracted to the man I want to be with. I need his emotional and financial stability as much as I am willing to give my own (not to mention the hot sex on top of all that). To me, in this day and age, both parties need to give as much as they expect to receive and that includes attraction* 1
Robert Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Let's swing this topic back to the topic please and not make this thread about anybody other than the thread starter.. thanks 1
Cristo Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Give me a break. Men do the same and categorize women the same way - they **** the sluts in their 20s, but only marry the "unicorn" in their 30s when THEY feel ready to settle down after sampling tons of p***y. That's the same as alpha ****s, beta bucks. If you guys disagree then I have to ask you why you guys haven't settled down with a "good woman" yet and are still single in your late 20s, early 30s. Well, I don't plan on settling down with a good woman that I'm not attracted to. That's why I haven't settled down yet. To find a woman that I'm attracted to that is also long-term material AND into me is actually very difficult (I'm no male model and not universally attractive myself). LOL and you don't think women want to feel the same way? Do you think it's great for us women to know that we are the average plain janes that you chose to settle for simply because the hot girls that you TRULY desire and lust after don't give you the time of the day? Do you think it's great for women to realize that no matter how attractive you try to be for your man, he will ALWAYS lust after other women and get off to unrealistic porn stars? Do you think it's great for women to know that men inherently desire VARIETY and that no matter what you do, you simply can't be someone else other than yourself and that that is never enough for a man, that ONE woman is never enough for men? Do you think it's great to realize that when you walk down the streets, you see the wandering eye of your man and you KNOW that in his head he is undressing her and trying to picture sex with her? Do you think it feels good to realize that you as a woman are one particular type, but your men gets off to women in porn that look NOTHING like you and therefore you realize you're not his first choice, but simply a warm wet hole? Men are even WORSE than women when it comes to their inherent desire for variety (men even admit this by saying how many good-looking women they see on the streets every day) and I think - to not derail the thread any further - this is exactly the reason why Ruby broke it off with her last boyfriend and why she is wary about this new fella, because women don't like to feel like they are their men's second choice EITHER. Personally, I prefer amateur porn. I think porn with actual porn stars is really lame and boring. Also, I am usually very attracted to Asian women (don't know why, I just am) and most of the porn that I watch contains Asian women. In all likelihood, I'm going to marry an Asian woman. So she will look very much like the porn that I watch lol. I believe this. I am going to be attracted to the man I want to be with. I need his emotional and financial stability as much as I am willing to give my own (not to mention the hot sex on top of all that). To me, in this day and age, both parties need to give as much as they expect to receive and that includes attraction* The good thing about sex is that it can be learned. You basically just need a partner that's willing to learn it. I don't really stress out too much if the sex isn't good at first. It's more about communication than anything else. So I've been on OLD for a week now, and this very hot guy wants to meet... but I'm totally intimidated. He already reminds me of my last boyfriend - gorgeous, professionally successful and driven, smooth, smart, intense, well-mannered. Everything about him so far turns me on. He's done everything right - a bit of texting almost daily since we met on the site, good phone call, inviting me out to dinner. Nothing arrogant or out of line. He's intelligent, personable, and has asked questions only about me, my aspirations, dreams, work. Other hot guys have messaged me, and they've been polite for the most part, but their intentions for something casual are pretty transparent from subtle comments, so I've discontinued communication with them. Honestly, the only reason I don't want to go out with him is because I'm intimidated because he's so hot. I'm OK, but objectively he's better-looking than I am, and given this, I don't see it going anywhere serious. He would be an excellent candidate for something casual, but I don't feel I have time to piddle around with such silliness. If I fail to find Mr. Right during my remaining childbearing years, then I can escape my sorrow with all the meaningless fun I want after that. Now he's starting to ask why I'm hesitant to meet him. I can't tell him the real reason, can I? I feel strange for ruling myself out before we've even met - but intellectually, I get that men want a woman who's at least as good-looking as they are or better, so it feels like a dead end. How do I turn him down politely? After thinking about it a bit more, I think you should just go out with these kinds of guys. Maybe they haven't worked out for you in the past, but I think going for average guys is a bad idea for you. As previously mentioned, you will be settling with these guys (have you created a thread on an average guy lately?) and that is not good for anyone. I do agree though that most attractive men know that they're universally attractive and exploit that. However, not all attractive men are like that. Maybe you should just keep going out with them until you find one that treats you well. Let's swing this topic back to the topic please and not make this thread about anybody other than the thread starter.. thanks Sorry. I know I just kind of did that again (I really just had to respond to some of that). I tried to include some advice to the OP too. Sorry again!
preraph Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I agree that looks aren't all that subjective. This guy (as well as my ex) is handsome enough to be in a magazine ad. 8-9 in facial attractiveness. I'm probably about 7. I will grant that I have a nice body and am smarter than your average Jane. But I think men tend to fall for the beautiful face primarily. At least as many guys fall for big boobs and booty as a pretty face. In my area of the country, it's all about the boobs and an hourglass figure.
GravityMan Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I'm getting a whiff of "too good to be true" from this guy, Ruby. Most guys (late 20s and older) who are genuinely that attractive, accomplished, interesting and desirable are in serious relationships or married...often to good/great women. They tend to get scooped up pretty early in adulthood and remain taken, and are far less likely to go through a series of breakups. That said, I still think you should give the guy a chance and go out with him for a date. Who knows...maybe he is genuine and just had bad luck or was way too busy or had a prior LTR that didn't work out. It happens.
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Agreed. To me, this sounds like she's saying that she wouldn't be sexually attracted to him, which is a big problem, but would only use him as a provider. Because sexual attraction and material provision are the only basis for meaningful relationships.
Cristo Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Because sexual attraction and material provision are the only basis for meaningful relationships. They are not the only basis, but they are important.
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 They are not the only basis, but they are important. Initially, yes. Sexual appetite ebbs and flows in short and long cycles. It's extremely unlikely that the libidos of a couple will march in lockstep throughout the relationship. The same can be said for material wealth. These are not cornerstones on which a resilient relationship can be built.
carhill Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Oy, go on the date already. This creating a whole scenario based on virtual interaction is completely non-productive. Meet, interact, move on, whether to get to know the person more or not. If there was nothing, no consideration of a date would have occurred. Why wallow in the misery of being beautiful when you can embrace it and live life to the fullest? Good luck! 2
Anela Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 So I've been on OLD for a week now, and this very hot guy wants to meet... but I'm totally intimidated. He already reminds me of my last boyfriend - gorgeous, professionally successful and driven, smooth, smart, intense, well-mannered. Everything about him so far turns me on. I understand feeling intimidated, but your ex found you attractive. You have a lot that's great about you - he might feel just as intimidated (but still excited to meet you). I shot myself in the foot, like someone else on this board, deciding in advance that I'd be a disappointment in some way. I could have at least gone to the movies, or taken more of a chance with a few, and I regret not doing so.
CharlieFox Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Beauty is SUBJECTIVE! He might find you the most attractive woman ever after he meets you, you never know... Don't be intimidated by something like that. Confidence is the most important factor, don't treat this any different than a date with any other guy and you will be fine. 1
NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Average men don't have the privilege to date and sleep really hot bad girls. I understand and I don't blame women for enjoying life, but I may have some resentment for women in their 30's who all the sudden wanna date me knowing they never would've given me the time of day in our prime. A guys prime is different than a woman's though. A woman's prime is from about 18 to early 30s. While a man's prime could be from 18 all the way up until their late 40s.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 Well, this thread went off on some tangents. It's true that I'm ready to settle down. But I haven't spent my youth fooling around with bad boys, only to now look for a good guy. For most of my adult life, I've been looking for real love and have had serious relationships with men who say they want the same, and behave that way. I've had a few short-lived casual arrangements during a time when I was cynical and low, but those didn't happen till my early 30s, when I already had a string of failed attempts at sincere relationships behind me and was considering maybe I should just throw in the towel. My last boyfriend was the hot alpha guy and rock-solid provider, everything women are looking for. His hard sell toward the end was that he would "take care of me for life," and I know he could have done that well in the financial and practical sense. I was totally in love with him, but he was never in love with me, and I just couldn't feel OK with that. Though he was a catch in just about every way, for me staying with a guy who wasn't in love with me felt like settling, selling myself out. I've had several solid offers from serious, well-established men to take care of me for life. A guy I dated before I met my ex was a doctor with his own medical research company who made good money, managed the investment portfolios for himself and everybody in his family, also very conservative and responsible, not the crazy partying type, a little older than me, average in appearance with a good body, pretty taken with me. I liked him enough but never felt a real draw to him. He also would have been a solid practical choice, but again, I just couldn't do that to myself or to him. I'm not looking for some unsuspecting schmo to take advantage of. I'm looking for a man who loves me, and whom I love, someone with whom I can create a family that we both will love and nurture for the rest of our lives. I'm willing to sacrifice a great deal of practical and material comfort for real love. Like I told my ex, I'd rather live a simple life with a man who really loves me, than have every material thing I could ever want with a king who doesn't love me. Maybe it's not the smart way, but my heart just wouldn't survive in a marriage without real love. I'd probably have some kind of breakdown. My feeling is that this guy is a SummerDreams Type 3: "just wants to have fun, but goes through the movements of dating to get what he wants". I don't think I'm going to meet him. I have a strong feeling that it's not going to go anywhere. I get the impression he would be a smoldering lover and we could have a great sexual connection and probably some fun times. And we'd probably have a strong influence on each other in some important ways, because that happens in all my relationships. But like I said, I'll have plenty of time for that if I fail to find real love in the next few years. 2
NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I've had several solid offers from serious, well-established men to take care of me for life. A guy I dated before I met my ex was a doctor with his own medical research company who made good money, managed the investment portfolios for himself and everybody in his family, also very conservative and responsible, not the crazy partying type, a little older than me, average in appearance with a good body, pretty taken with me. I liked him enough but never felt a real draw to him. He also would have been a solid practical choice, but again, I just couldn't do that to myself or to him. What exactly was wrong with that guy? I hope it's not just because he was average in appearance.
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 You're going to have one hell of a hard time finding love if you subject each potential suitor to such baseless presumptions. 1
NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 You're going to have one hell of a hard time finding love if you subject each potential suitor to such baseless presumptions. Was your comment towards me? If it was, I'm just honestly wondering what was wrong with that guy. He seems to be a good guy & successful judging from what she said. And the OP said she's never been into the bad boy type of guys so I don't understand what was wrong with him.
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Was your comment towards me? If it was, I'm just honestly wondering what was wrong with that guy. He seems to be a good guy & successful judging from what she said. And the OP said she's never been into the bad boy type of guys so I don't understand what was wrong with him. Towards OP
Diezel Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Oy, go on the date already. This creating a whole scenario based on virtual interaction is completely non-productive. Meet, interact, move on, whether to get to know the person more or not. If there was nothing, no consideration of a date would have occurred. Why wallow in the misery of being beautiful when you can embrace it and live life to the fullest? Good luck! Seriously. This times 1000.
jay1983 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Oy, go on the date already. This creating a whole scenario based on virtual interaction is completely non-productive. Meet, interact, move on, whether to get to know the person more or not. If there was nothing, no consideration of a date would have occurred. Why wallow in the misery of being beautiful when you can embrace it and live life to the fullest? Good luck! Yeah that's what I say. Just go and see what happens.
Recommended Posts