Author so gutted Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 Ok so its almost a week since we last met and not a word. He has not logged into the dating site in that week, but i am confused. It was going well, no serious conversations. Im facing social anxiety now, how can i go on more dates when i do not know what went wrong here. The last date went well, no red flags he even thanked me for suggesting where to take his mum. Now he is silent. I'm really hurt. I have moved on in the sense that the last guy dragged in for ages so i cannot go there again but im lacking an understanding on this.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Ok so its almost a week since we last met and not a word. He has not logged into the dating site in that week, but i am confused. It was going well, no serious conversations. Im facing social anxiety now, how can i go on more dates when i do not know what went wrong here. The last date went well, no red flags he even thanked me for suggesting where to take his mum. Now he is silent. I'm really hurt. I have moved on in the sense that the last guy dragged in for ages so i cannot go there again but im lacking an understanding on this. This is something you are going to learn to deal with...you won't always get an explanation, it is very rare. You just have to move on. 2
Author so gutted Posted October 28, 2014 Author Posted October 28, 2014 So people just disappear out of your life and lay low after creating an expectation? How do you trust again after that? Maybe after the first or second date but not 4 dates and contact each day?
MrMeh Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 So people just disappear out of your life and lay low after creating an expectation? How do you trust again after that? Maybe after the first or second date but not 4 dates and contact each day? Don't become cynical. Worse thing you could do in the dating world is to generalize based off a unfortunate experience. Just keep your head up and look for the next one. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 It is way too early to be putting these kinds of expectations on your "relationship". If he contacts you, he contacts you. Don't think about it. Do your thing until whatever is going to be becomes clear. The guy I'm dating now only calls once a week but he is consistent and there's actually stuff to talk about when he calls. He doesn't like nor can he text during the day because of his job. Niether can I. I've made it very clear to him that I'm interested and he's been clear with me. We don't have any expectations at the moment of each other. We are still two separate, independent people, living our lives.
Zahara Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 So people just disappear out of your life and lay low after creating an expectation? How do you trust again after that? Maybe after the first or second date but not 4 dates and contact each day? SG, as you've done in all your past threads -- you have to stop with these expectations. Dating is a risk. Some will disappear after 4 dates. Some may ditch you 6 months later. 4 dates shouldn't be causing you this much angst. What expectation did he create? Other than you possibly building castles in the sky because I bet you were on your way thinking of husband, marriage, kids, house, etc. with this man.
BluEyeL Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Yes, SG, sorry about that, some men will disappear after one, two or more dates. Some can disappear after one, two, three or even 6 months of constant dating. It is frustrating, but it's a fact of life. The solution is to always live in the moment and have no expectations until a few months down the road when you are in a monogamous committed relationship. Until then, consider each date like being the last. Living in the moment and not being emotionally attached early on will make you give off a more confident vibe and paradoxically, it could keep them around longer and give you more chances to find love eventually.
sagamore Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 So people just disappear out of your life and lay low after creating an expectation? How do you trust again after that? It's hard, I know. But you trust again because it's the only way to get what you want - a satisfying and lasting relationship. Don't give up!
Author so gutted Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Hi, He texted last night to say hi etc and how are you. Too late to carry on as normal. Idoit
KatZee Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 So people just disappear out of your life and lay low after creating an expectation? How do you trust again after that? Maybe after the first or second date but not 4 dates and contact each day? Welcome to dating in 2014. Seriously though, yes. You're going to experience this A LOT. As in, very frequently, often, almost always. Ghosting, pulling a Casper, doing the fade-out, going "poof!", falling off the earth never to be heard from again, or having them ghost and then turn up weeks later? This is the rule, not the exception. At least as far as what I've seen dating. People these days have zero consideration for actual feelings. People are cowards. It's far easier to ghost than to actually "break up" especially when it wasn't a relationship to begin with. Age doesn't matter either. I've seen 20, 30, and older people pull this move. If you're in the dating scene you've got to develop thicker skin. 1
Author so gutted Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 I have experienced this after date 1 and 2 but not after 4 dates & why get in contact now?
Zahara Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I have experienced this after date 1 and 2 but not after 4 dates & why get in contact now? People can go poof months into it. So, 4 dates is not uncommon. They ghost and often times show up again out of nowhere -- it could be that they were dating others, and it didn't work out. It could be that they're bored and have no prospects so they recycle/revisit past dates. It could be that they may have some level of interest in you but not quite enough for them to be fully invested.
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Stop getting yourself tied up in knots. If he isn't fulfilling your expectations on how much attention you need, then dump him and find someone that will smother you in texts. It's pretty simple.
Author so gutted Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Stop getting yourself tied up in knots. If he isn't fulfilling your expectations on how much attention you need, then dump him and find someone that will smother you in texts. It's pretty simple. Im not talking to him, just thought it was odd of him to contact me after so long & i checked the website he hasnt logged on for the same amount of time. I will not reply.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Im not talking to him, just thought it was odd of him to contact me after so long & i checked the website he hasnt logged on for the same amount of time. I will not reply. I have had this scenario happen so many times. He will just disappear again. Unless there are very exceptional circumstances just ignore. 1
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