Wakemeup34 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I'm very new to this. Forgive me if I my post doesn't make sense. I'm 34 and my husband is 43. D day was 1 month ago. We've been married 10 years with 3 children (2,5,8). I found out my husband was having an affair for 2 years with a stripper. Before that I had been giving everything to our marriage. I am bipolar. I was not stable until 3 years ago. I put him through hell. So as a result he checked out emotionally. At least I was under the impression that he was only emotionally vacant. I hoped that my efforts would reignite his love for me. Turns out he was having an affair the entire time. Taking trips and flying her here from California. Calling and texting daily. Now after discovering his affair he is appearing to be committed to me. He has had no contact other than to say goodbye. We are in MC and he's in Ic. He has not been noticeably upset by NC. It seems the fog has lifted and is very remorseful. I am devastated. He says he tried to end it before but she threatened to tell me. So he stayed. 2 years. I don't know what to think. He says he was in a dark place and was void filling. That had I been how I am now, he never would have done it. I must admit I am very different than when he began his affair. But it's very confusing. I feel so alone and misunderstood. I want to reconcile. I feel like I've forgotten how to take care of my needs.
therealmsfree Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 There's nothing worse than finding out the man you love has betrayed you during the time when you needed him the most. On the bright side, now you know the truth. I think you answered your own question. It's time to start taking care of YOU! Yes, your marriage is important and so are your children. But, you are NO GOOD to them if you are not taking care of yourself. I say continue going to therapy, continue working on being a extraordinary woman, and outstanding mother. Don't worry to much about the fate of your marriage. That is yet to be determined and only time will tell. ~Ms. Free 1
BetrayedH Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 He says he was in a dark place and was void filling. That had I been how I am now, he never would have done it. I must admit I am very different than when he began his affair. Ah, the poor thing was emotionally neglected and could only fnd solace in the, um, arms of a stripper, huh? Thank god she was there to fill his emotional needs. Look, don't accept any blameshifting on his part and quit doing it for him. You didn't cause him to do anything. If the marriage was so bad, you were in it, too, and managed not to engage in infidelity. Did his decision fix the marriage? Nope. Was it ethical to keep you married and faithful to him while he invested in a stripper for two years? Was it moral? Was it healthy? The fact of the matter is that he had other choices that would have been logical, ethical, moral, and healthy. He could have either fixed the marriage or left it. He did neither. Did you get a vote? Nope. In fact, great lengths were untaken to make sure you didn't. He owns 100% of his piss-poor decision to become an adulterer. 3
Zenstudent Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Yes, this is your life. Sorry that you're here. The part you need to internalize fast is that you are in charge of your future life. Take your time to decide what to do with it, you need to work through the emotions from the betrayal first - it takes time, as in years. Take care, and follow the advice of therealmsfree - keep focus on you, do things for you and noone else. 1
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