cdt76 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 So, I'm an overthinker when it comes to women. Do you have any suggestions on stopping this behavior? It's probably because I want a relationship too much. I'm early 40's been single since 2007. Haven't had good luck finding good women and when I do, I can't seem to just relax and enjoy the moment. Suggestions?
d0nnivain Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Try to focus on the here & now. Before you meet your date for the evening, stop & center yourself. Think about your breathing. Actually experience the things around you. Do you feel the sun? Do you see the moon? Do you hear leaves rustling? Is the heat in your car blowing on your face? Be in that exact moment. Do the exercise again on the date. What's she wear? Can you smell her perfume? How does your food taste?
Mrin Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) If it weren't for overthinking dating, there would be no need for this site! Ok, in all seriousness, overthinking it is par for the course. Here's a perspective I adopted for dating to help me live in the moment as d0nnivain suggested - I conjured up a childhood memory as an analogy to dating. Think of yourself sitting on a porch or deck somewhere blowing bubbles. You know, with the little wand and the plastic bottle. Think back to that memory. As you sat there as a kid, you blew bubble after bubble. Some were big. Some were small. Some popped right away and some lasted a long time. All your focus was on watching the bubble as it hung there floating before you. That's kinda how I switched to view dating. No expectations. No planning or future. I didn't know how long each date/bubble would last or whether there would be another one. I just appreciated each bubble for what they were in that moment. I'm going to completely mix my metaphors here but hey, its my post I can metaphorically mix if I want to! Literally, the second I embraced this mindset I blew the most amazing fantastically huge shimmering bubble i've ever seen in my life. But instead of building all sorts of expectations I just set down my wand and admired the bubble. I had no idea if it would last even another second, but the sheer pleasure and joy I felt at that moment was more than enough because I could really feel it, embrace it, without the barriers and walls we naturally throw up when we have expectations and overthinking. And... you know what? That bubble has only grown in size and beauty and is now an amazingly important part of my life. She is my girlfriend, she is my twin flame, she is the love of my life and if this were all to end tomorrow, I would still die an amazingly satisfied and content man. Best of luck! Edited October 24, 2014 by Mrin 1
ComingInHot Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 What kinds of things do you over think? If you can pin point where your mind shifts into 'overdrive', you might be able to stop it just before it begins. Let us know*
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Personally, I find that immersing myself in a new hobby usually takes my mind off of things I tend to obsess or stress about. It's like the saying goes; Idle hands are the devil's workshop. In your case it's the idle mind Sitting around pining over something or someone makes one go mad and ends up wreaking havoc on one's life. Nothing good ever comes from it. Keep busy doing things YOU enjoy. This keeps you out of your own head which seems to often be the problem than anything else. As for being in the moment, it can be challenging to turn off that switch but it is possible with enough practice. I think d0nnivain made some good points you can use and practice. I also think it helps to understand that if something is meant to be it will happen no matter how awkward you are or what silly things you blurt out or whatever else you think YOU do or don't do that halts your progress with women. If a woman runs from you then she wasn't the woman for you! Full stop. It really is that simple. No need to over analyze it any further. Over thinkers tend to be the ones who make it so complicated and difficult. Perhaps reading up on some good books on the subject might help. It might also help to know that SHE might be going through the same things as you. You don't live in a vacuum after all. Good luck. 1
Assasda Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I know a few techniques. You seem too old to be overthinking this. Do you have a lot of experience?
Jules Dash Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 The all time greatest remedy for this and, in my opinion, will always be the greatest remedy for this is to not focus on dating one person at a time. Every thing is on the line when you only focus on one date so every ignored text, minute that goes by without her calling, cancelled date and physical gesture becomes amplified. So really try to date until you find that special someone. 1
BluEyeL Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 If it weren't for overthinking dating, there would be no need for this site! Ok, in all seriousness, overthinking it is par for the course. Here's a perspective I adopted for dating to help me live in the moment as d0nnivain suggested - I conjured up a childhood memory as an analogy to dating. Think of yourself sitting on a porch or deck somewhere blowing bubbles. You know, with the little wand and the plastic bottle. Think back to that memory. As you sat there as a kid, you blew bubble after bubble. Some were big. Some were small. Some popped right away and some lasted a long time. All your focus was on watching the bubble as it hung there floating before you. That's kinda how I switched to view dating. No expectations. No planning or future. I didn't know how long each date/bubble would last or whether there would be another one. I just appreciated each bubble for what they were in that moment. I'm going to completely mix my metaphors here but hey, its my post I can metaphorically mix if I want to! Literally, the second I embraced this mindset I blew the most amazing fantastically huge shimmering bubble i've ever seen in my life. But instead of building all sorts of expectations I just set down my wand and admired the bubble. I had no idea if it would last even another second, but the sheer pleasure and joy I felt at that moment was more than enough because I could really feel it, embrace it, without the barriers and walls we naturally throw up when we have expectations and overthinking. And... you know what? That bubble has only grown in size and beauty and is now an amazingly important part of my life. She is my girlfriend, she is my twin flame, she is the love of my life and if this were all to end tomorrow, I would still die an amazingly satisfied and content man. Best of luck! Really nice, I enjoyed reading this!
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Find something else to over think about. 1
Tayken Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Find something else to over think about. That's right...like when is the first snow going to hit
Recommended Posts