My boyfriend said that he won't be calling after our argument. Am I wrong or him?

[AccoutingAsh87]

I was talking to my boyfriend last night and the subject of my job came up because i told him that i was undecided about going into work this morning or if i did, what time i would leave. He asked me "so what time are you getting off work tomorrow" and i told him "i don't know yet". His response to that was "what do you mean you don't know", which automatically made me catch an attitude because, in my eyes, he made that comment like in a controlling way. After that comment I said "like i don't know what time I'm getting off", but I said it like an ******* because I was frustrated. Then he said "you're being disrespectful and why are you raising your voice", then other comments were said "nothing harmful to each other", then he hung up the phone. I didn't call back because i think hanging up the phone on someone its one of the worst things you can do; i don't hang up on when i'm frustrated. About 5 minutes later, he texted me saying "you got me ****** up all the way. When you can talk to me normally, then call me. if you can't then don't talk to me at all. Believe me, I don't have to speak to you. i'm not going to speak to someone that tried to disrespect me". My response to that text was "I didn't disrespect you, I felt you were being controlled, which made me catch an attitude". I also told him that i will not be calling him at all for the simple fact that he knows that we agreed not to hang up the phone on each other. Thoughts?? Do you think i'm wrong and should i call him or just leave it alone?

[Andy_K]

Are you two both grown adults?

[Redhead14]

I was talking to my boyfriend last night and the subject of my job came up because i told him that i was undecided about going into work this morning or if i did, what time i would leave. He asked me "so what time are you getting off work tomorrow" and i told him "i don't know yet". His response to that was "what do you mean you don't know", which automatically made me catch an attitude because, in my eyes, he made that comment like in a controlling way. After that comment I said "like i don't know what time I'm getting off", but I said it like an ******* because I was frustrated. Then he said "you're being disrespectful and why are you raising your voice", then other comments were said "nothing harmful to each other", then he hung up the phone. I didn't call back because i think hanging up the phone on someone its one of the worst things you can do; i don't hang up on when i'm frustrated. About 5 minutes later, he texted me saying "you got me ****** up all the way. When you can talk to me normally, then call me. if you can't then don't talk to me at all. Believe me, I don't have to speak to you. i'm not going to speak to someone that tried to disrespect me". My response to that text was "I didn't disrespect you, I felt you were being controlled, which made me catch an attitude". I also told him that i will not be calling him at all for the simple fact that he knows that we agreed not to hang up the phone on each other. Thoughts?? Do you think i'm wrong and should i call him or just leave it alone?

 

You both need to step away from the issue for a bit. Let emotions calm down. Take a day at least. If he calls you, be receptive and listen first. If he is being unreasonable or still has an attitude, tell him you guys need to back away from it again. People usually get past little things like this pretty quickly, if not, then there's something else going on in the relationship that's not being addressed.

[Zahara]

I didn't call back because i think hanging up the phone on someone its one of the worst things you can do; i don't hang up on when i'm frustrated.

 

I remember the "groceries" incident when you were so frustrated, while you were looking for your keys and you didn't want to deal with him -- you just bluntly told him you'd call him back and hung up on him. The statement above is untrue.

 

When he said, "What do you mean you don't know?" I would have just said, "I don't know hun, I may leave at 3PM but depending on my workload, I'm not really sure. I'll let you know." How hard was that? Instead you catch attitude.

 

Just like the "groceries" situation. All you could have said was, "Hun, I'm getting the groceries upstairs. I'll call you back in 10 minutes." Instead you created drama and things got out of control.

 

In all your threads you post about the same communication issues. Both of you always on the defense and communicate in a passive aggressive manner. Then it becomes a battle of who should call first or who's in the wrong.

[d0nnivain]

You were wrong. Asking somebody what time they are going to work is not controlling. The fact that you think it is, makes me wonder how you came to that conclusion. If he had said you will go to work at 8:30; that would have been controlling.

 

For you to raise your voice at him & have an attitude was uncalled for. I would have stopped talking to you too.

 

If you want to repair this, you need to apologize.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Honestly, this is childish behavior on both your parts.

 

Arguing and fighting is normal and even healthy in any successful relationship BUT there also needs to be a healthy dose of compromise involved as well. That means that sometimes it's more important to fall on your sword for the sake of your relationship rather than always be "right".

 

If you really care and love one another someone is going to have to make the first move in fixing this. If you're both too stubborn to be that person then I suppose the writing is on the wall regarding your relationship.

 

At some point it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong. It's about being mature enough to forgive and move on.

[slizl]

I am pretty stubborn and if my gf said something to the effect of, shape up or don't call me, she wouldn't get a call from me ever, no joke. I think you should do the same and he will be eating out of your hand in no time.

[Assasda]

You know that you got an attitude with him for no reason.

He was trying to find out why you dont know when you'll be home.

- He wasnt telling you when to come home, or telling you what to do.

- You obviously dont know what controlling is.

 

Sounds like a quality dude. You know what you should do OP

[maysj18]

You know that you got an attitude with him for no reason.

He was trying to find out why you dont know when you'll be home.

- He wasnt telling you when to come home, or telling you what to do.

- You obviously dont know what controlling is.

 

Sounds like a quality dude. You know what you should do OP

 

I disagree. When I answer a question with something like "I don't know" and someone says, "What do you mean you don't know?", it is almost ALWAYS laced with attitude. It's just a somewhat confrontational response. Of course it can sometimes be totally harmless, but it generally comes across as nagging. Im not really agreeing with OP or anything, but I'm just stating that I can see where she's coming from as far as that goes.

 

OP has also mentioned in other posts that they've been together for 3+ years and so I'm sure he's familiar with her line of work. If she's a waitress, for example, it's almost impossible to know when you'll get off work so him responding that way would be aggravating; however, if she works an office job with set hours then that's a different story. So which is it, OP?

[Assasda]

I disagree. When I answer a question with something like "I don't know" and someone says, "What do you mean you don't know?", it is almost ALWAYS laced with attitude. It's just a somewhat confrontational response. Of course it can sometimes be totally harmless, but it generally comes across as nagging. Im not really agreeing with OP or anything, but I'm just stating that I can see where she's coming from as far as that goes.

 

OP has also mentioned in other posts that they've been together for 3+ years and so I'm sure he's familiar with her line of work. If she's a waitress, for example, it's almost impossible to know when you'll get off work so him responding that way would be aggravating; however, if she works an office job with set hours then that's a different story. So which is it, OP?

 

the question "what you mean you dont know"

Is the same as saying "You should know"

Now You can take it as confrontational and get mad and pout, or you can answer the question.

OP didnt state that he said it with any attitude, she only stated that she had the attitude.

The only way its nagging, is if the person doesnt want to answer the question in the first place

[Fondue]

I interpret his question of when you're going to be home as to him trying to find out how to possibly plan something with you.

 

Whenever I ask my girlfriend details of her timing, it is always because I am trying to set something up around her schedule. It isn't at all because I am being "controlling."

 

So with that in mind, if she one day would give me flak about it, I'd be pretty pissed. I would think SHE was being confrontational.

 

So with that in mind, I think you were wrong. But that's just me.

 

EDIT: Either way, you guys are both drama queens. Why start a fight over NOTHING? Like the drama?