lovesickpuppy Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I have been dating a guy for the last 3 months and we met online 4 months ago. We speak every single day without fail, mostly by text but phone calls happen at least twice a week. Due to our busy work schedules and the fact we live 200 miles apart we see each other roughly 2-3 times a week. We are exclusive and have been since the beginning of September, however recently I have felt that I've needed a bigger commitment in us actually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Last week we went out together and he said some things which concluded in him telling me we were finally official! I was over the moon. Over the weekend I asked him about the conversation and got a very shocking response, he told me that we were both drunk and he means what he said ie cares about me a lot and I'm his girl, but didn't mean to actually ask me out there and then as timing wasn't right and he isn't ready just yet. This has obviously thrown me, I asked him if it was me and he says he's just selfish and isn't ready to ask me out just yet but 'can put money on it' that he will ask me out shortly. I also had issues with him deleting the dating app we met on..and then to find he's redownloaded it over the weekend and has been active. I confronted him about it, he apologised, told me he would delete it and that would be the end. However, he's still not deleted it. Granted he has deleted the app itself, but not his actual profile. He told me he would ask me out within the next 2 months, and delete tinder properly. My questions are, 2 months isn't going to change us, so if he can't ask me now, will he ever ask me to be his girlfriend? And why can't he just delete his damn profile? Am I wasting my time? This guy is absolutely lovely to me, I don't doubt how much he likes me, when I almost ended things this weekend he was crying and begging me not to..yet why can't he just ask me out? I feel like a pathetic child but I just don't understand. Am I worrying over nothing? Should I ride this out for a little longer or am I being a total mug?
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 With all your mention of exclusive, boyfriend/girlfriend and official, I was quite surprised to see your location as UK. Mostly it's the US crowd who put weight in these kind of labels. This side of the pond it tends to flow from first date -> exclusive -> couple a lot more organically. All this stuff about not being ready yet. WTF? What on earth does that mean? You are exclusive and asking him to delete his dating profile, but he hasn't asked you out on a date yet??? There is something seriously weird going on here. What have you been doing in your meetings so far? Chances are he's seeing someone else and needs to see if that works out, before committing to you. Welcome to the back burner/reserve slot! Not a place many people would be happy to be placed.
heartshaped Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 In short, yes. Him being on a dating site, Tinder of all things too, and being unwilling after three months to enter into a relationship formally would be too much for me. I don't think you should hop into a relationship straight away when you meet someone, but after three months of seeing each other 2-3x a week...I think it's plenty.
Author lovesickpuppy Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 We do date, I go over to his, we do the usual couple things and this weekend he's finally coming to where I'm from and meeting my family. He's said it himself we're pretty much boyfriend and girlfriend. His mum refers to me as his girlfriend, as does his dad and his friends know about me. I'm just so confused
dragonfire13 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 No, don't ride it out. At the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself. You want more commitment...he's not prepared to make that commitment. Maybe he will be ready eventually....but if you sit around waiting for him, he's not going to have an incentive to put the effort in. He probably will also instinctively lose respect for you. I would cut contact for a while, date others and see what happens. I've been in this position...a guy said he really liked me but he just didn't want a relationship. I thanked him for the honesty, wished him well and went NC. He kept trying to contact me and got ignored. Eventually, we saw each other at a party. He said he wanted to be with me exclusively...but when we made an attempt at a relationship, the effort just wasn't there. If a guy isn't relationship material, but you're looking for a relationship, save yourself the headache and move on.
Diezel Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Yes, you are wasting your time. Out of curiousity, you said you live 200 miles apart but see each other 2-3 times a week? How does that work? Who goes to who and how long does it take for one of you to go one-way?
Author lovesickpuppy Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 Diezel, I go to him. It just so happens that he lives where I work, so it's all a matter of convenience really. I manage to see him before certain duties and when I get back. (I'm a flight attendant) I wouldn't expect him to come to me all the time when it's so far and I actually have to go down to him anyway.
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Am I worrying over nothing? No Should I ride this out for a little longer No or am I being a total mug? Yes Sorry Love sick pup You need to ditch this guy quicker than a smell poo and discover that there are chaps out there who will not do this to you... He is playing games... don't let him. You have put in most of the work and he can't be bothered. Cancel him coming this weekend. Go out with your family anyway and tell them that you decided that after all he was not the one for you. Get your hugs and comfort from them and cut contact with this guy. Foot down, hard, right now. Get tough and do not let this guy walk all over you (as you have been doing). Nothing good will come of this and if you let it go on you will be hurting ten times worse. 2
Diezel Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Diezel, I go to him. It just so happens that he lives where I work, so it's all a matter of convenience really. I manage to see him before certain duties and when I get back. (I'm a flight attendant) I wouldn't expect him to come to me all the time when it's so far and I actually have to go down to him anyway. This is a relationship of convenience for him then. I somehow knew it was you coming to him most of the time. 1
Author lovesickpuppy Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 I feel like such an idiot. It will really pain me to end this. I am falling in love with him and can't stop myself, yet I've been so oblivious to all of these signs.
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I feel like such an idiot. It will really pain me to end this. I am falling in love with him and can't stop myself, yet I've been so oblivious to all of these signs. Chin up chook. Most of us have fallen for it before. I have been falling for it for years and wasted so much time. So I am not one to judge - Don't be like me. Go and find someone else who respects you. Chin up chook it does get better.
d0nnivain Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I was going to tell you to calm down about the labels but the behavior is saying you are wasting your time. I couldn't deal with him "taking it back" and I'd be upset that he redownloaded the dating app. If he is telling you that you two are exclusive there is no need for him to be on that app. I might try one more chat but that's me. If the behavior didn't immediately change all the sweet words won't fix the problem. 1
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 This guy is absolutely lovely to me I want to comment on this. How is this guy being lovely when he takes back words he says, when he maintains an online profile, when he installs dating apps after saying he deleted them, and when he's never asking you out. Because he's giving you attention when you're together? He is just being in the moment and he's sweet enough to get you in bed. He is not lovely. 3
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