Hurtguest Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 My boyfriend of 2 years has been acting more and more distant the past two weeks. He just emailed that he will be going out to drink with his buddies from work tonight and maybe I can see him tomorrow instead. We always get together Friday nights. Should I be ok with this? I feel so hurt. He hasn't even called me all week and usually he always does and has hardly emailed me, usually responding to me emailing him or else a short email whereas he used to email several times throughout the day. If he is seeing someone else, I don't want to cater to when it is convenient for him to see me and don't think I can handle that thought even. Doesn't it sound like he is starting to see someone else? I feel like I have a huge broken heart. He asked if he can call me tomorrow to get together. Should I say no? I feel so hurt by all of this. I think he is either taking me for granted or is seeing someone else. I feel so much pain. Do I ask him if he is seeing someone else? I cannot handle how bad I am feeling and don't know what to do. We are not children. he is 41 and I am 38. Please can someone help me? Any advice what to do? Do I also back off or else do I try harder? I emailed that he had not called all week and he did not respond to that subject in the email, instead telling me about tonight and tomorrow. I don't know what to do to feel better, how to respond to him. Please somebody help me.
Hurtguest Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 I did not get any responses to my post and was eager to write back to him. I thought of a lot of different things from saying how hurt I was but then thought maybe he would think I was being controlling just because he wanted to go out and I would seem desperate. To wanting to say in a happy way that I would look forward to him calling me tomorrow so we could see each other then. But I ended up writing something different , that I too wanted to go out with my friends so this works out well. BUt deep down I feel very hurt. Any suggestions or advice from anyone? Should I still see him tomorrow? I would not not want to see him on a Friday night to instead go drinking with my buddies. I feel so hurt.
cookie411 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 You might not think I know what I am talking about because I am only 18 but it seems as if his interests have been aroused by someone else.Those are obvious "symptoms" of him seeing someone else.But before you jump to any conclusions tell him yes about going out tomorrow and if he doesn't try to explain his behavior lately, ask him about it.And let him know that it is not optional that he give you a good explanation for this questionable behavior if he is serious about you two.Hope I could help.
Hurtguest Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Cookie you think those are symptoms of cheating? I really want to believe he is drinking with friends only tonight and that maybe he has been very busy these past couple of weeks, but he can't even email? Wouldn't he call and email even more so it is not this obvious or is he planning on breaking up wtih me so is giving out clues? I can't bear the hurt this is causing me. YOu don't think I'll appear too nosy and out of line to have him explain his behavior? I can't believe this is happening.
Pocky Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Assuming that someone is cheating at the first sign of a problem in a relationship is a bad approach in my opinion. You've been with him for two years. Why don't you just ask him Saturday what is wrong? Don't go accusing him of anything or making it seem like as soon as something changes you're going to slap him with the whole "you're cheating" melodrama. Just ask him why he's so distant and if something is wrong. Don't make assumptions.
babybear Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 I wouldnt automatically assume he is cheating. Sometimes I get distant if I need a little bit of space - or if me and my bf have been arguing a lot lately. Maybe he feels like you criticize him all the time, or maybe he feels like you're nagging him about something. I'm not saying that you are doing any of these things - but it seems as if there's a reason he doesnt want to be with YOU all the time, and that you should talk it out and figure out what that's all about. I wouldnt rush to cheating all of a sudden. Babybear
Butterfly28 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Dear "Hurt", You've been with your man for 2 years. It could be a number of things. I wouldn't assume that it's cheating, however I would definitely but CAREFULLY listen to my instincts and gut feelings. It could be that you are both at that "comfort stage" where the two of you can branch off and do things with your friends. If it came on suddenly, I don't blame you for all of a sudden feeling inadequate and wondering "Is he seeing someone else?" - all women feel that way. It's their first gut instinct no matter HOW long you've been with them. Does he ever invite you out with his friends from time to time? I don't think he needs to invite you ALL the time, because men do need "MAN" time with their buddies. Have you ever asked him to tag along? What does he say? How does he react? Have you been noticing a change in his behaviour that seems out of character for him? This is usually a red flag. If it has come on suddenly, then its probably playing on his conscience if there IS something wrong. DON'T COME FLAT OUT AND ASK HIM, "ARE YOU CHEATING?" - he will obviously say "NO", and get defensive. This doesn't mean he IS, but his reaction alone will be one of , "What are you TALKING about?" As much as it's eating you up inside, just look for a pattern. Ask him from time to time to tag along. If he says NO in a very bland way and doesn't offer an explanation as to WHY, then pay attention to that. Don't play, "INVESTIGATOR" so soon. He will catch on to it. It's important to listen to your gut, but just make sure you know what your gut is talking about. Best of luck.
kgal Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Just tell him how you feel.. it's the only way to get rid of that "pain" you're feeling. Do it, it's like throwing up.. and after you do, you'll feel a whole lot better! Let us know how it goes... if he has found someone new... so what? He's not worth it! Let him go and move on.. you don't deserve to be treated like you aren't important, IMO.
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