alexa83 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 My ex dumped me almost 2 years ago, we had been together for 6 years. Of which we did 3 years of long distance since he moved to london. He told me to move to london with him, i was moving in august 2013 and 2 months before my arrival he called and he said he couldnt do it anymore because he didn´t love me. I was devastated, i begged, i did everything i could, i am 29 and we had plans to live together and eventually marry. I still cry, i am not recovered, i can´t get over it. i´ve tried to contact him and he used to be polite about it, but the last time i emailed him a month ago he completely ignored me. then last week i told him i still love him and he told me his phone baterry was dying. I know the only answerto this is to get over it, and get some pride, but i feel so humilliated, i feel like i have no control over my actions, i don´t talk about him with my friends anymore because they just can´t take it anymore. I need help, i feel like i´m at the lowest low right now, and the worst is i can´t fix what i´ve done, i wish i would have just turned the page and moved on but i´ve been begging him for almost 2 years and i feel like i´ve lost my identity and my dignity. I know he is never going to love me again, but is there a way that i can make him "respect" me. will he ever feel respect for me after all i´ve done and said. to him i must be a very pathetic woman, this kills me, because i wanted to walk away with pride and dignity but i couldn´t. My self esteem is on the floor. pls give me guindance, i´m lost.
Arvanna Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Hey Alexa, I know exactly what you're going through. I just got dumped by the same person that dumped me a year ago. But that's a whole other story. I'm struggling with the breakup now but I can tell you what I did last year that helped me recover. I basically called him every other week and BEGGED for a relationship. Either that or for closure. Every time I reached out, I never got what I wanted, and I felt more and more pathetic. I was also DYING for him to say something that would give me some sense of dignity back because I felt like I gave him all the power by continuously calling him. Let me tell you this, you can't make him respect you just like you can't make him love you. He is not going to respect you because you have shown him over and over again for two years that you're willing to devalue yourself for someone who wants nothing to do with you. You have to respect yourself enough 1st by starting NC now and work on yourself. Maybe a year or two from now, after he has seen how you're not contacting him anymore, he will get curious and reach out to you. That's just a MAYBE. I decided I wasn't going to be the pathetic little girl waiting for him anymore so I went NC for a year and that's when my ex reached out to me again saying how sorry he was. But the point is, even if he does come back way later, don't do what I did and take him back. Once a person can be that coldhearted and indifferent to your pain, there's no going back. He has shown his true character. You have to really ask yourself, "What is so great about this guy, that I am willing to sacrifice every once of my self-respect just to get him back?" I suggest you go on youtube and search up TD Jakes Let Them Walk. It's a video I watched over and over again whenever I got the urge to contact my ex last year. 5
selena_cat Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Please do not contact this guy You are better than that. Even though You annot see this or feel this inside You are. This guy made his choice so you should make yours and vow to be with someone who offers you more in return-This is from someone whose 15 year relationship went bust and break up initiated by him.Listen to Trent Shelton this guy will tell it to your straight You are not changing his mind by pursuing him,do No Contact and let nature take its course naturally 2
David87 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 The first step to get your self esteeme and respect back is to stop contacting thie dude. Learn to love yourself frst and the rest will follow. 2
Author alexa83 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 I posted this in october 2014: "My ex dumped me almost 2 years ago, we had been together for 6 years. Of which we did 3 years of long distance since he moved to london. He told me to move to london with him, i was moving in august 2013 and 2 months before my arrival he called and he said he couldnt do it anymore because he didn´t love me. I was devastated, i begged, i did everything i could, i am 29 and we had plans to live together and eventually marry. I still cry, i am not recovered, i can´t get over it. i´ve tried to contact him and he used to be condescending about it, but the last time i emailed him a month ago he completely ignored me. then last week i told him i still love him and he told me his phone batery was dying. I know the only answer to this is to get over it, and get some pride, but i feel so humilliated, i feel like i have no control over my actions, i don´t talk about him with my friends anymore because they just can´t take it anymore. I need help, i feel like i´m at the lowest low right now, and the worst is i can´t fix what i´ve done, i wish i would have just turned the page and moved on but i´ve been begging him for almost 2 years and i feel like i´ve lost my identity and my dignity. I know he is never going to love me again, but is there a way that i can make him "respect" me. will he ever feel respect for me after all i´ve done and said. to him i must be a very pathetic woman, this kills me, because i wanted to walk away with pride and dignity but i couldn´t. My self esteem is on the floor. pls give me guindance, i´m lost." fast forward....................... It is march 2015 now, i didnt contact him anymore since then. My ex emailed me yesterday, he says he is coming to town and offered to meet me in case i needed closure, he said he´s beencold and has treated me worse than he would have liked to becuase he wanted me to move on, he´s not trying to get back with me or anything, he just wants to clean up his dirty conscience since he knows he ****ed me up badly. He is saying he cares about me and wanted to let me know he will be here for a week in case i have something to say. he just wants to see me, to say how sorry he is for hurting me so bad, do the right thing and then go back to london feeling like he did the right thing, but he doesnt want me back. he´s made it clear. I am 30 now, i havent dated since he left, i´m not the same person i´m kinda depressed and down. been holding that grudge ever since 2013. I don´t know if i should see him and have my closure, I´m still so hurt even tho it´s been 2 years, i know i´m going to cry if i see him, i´m not sure if it´s going to help me drain my pain or make everything worse, i still love him and he still doesnt love me, he´s going to be cold, i can sense that, pls give me advice on how to proceed, i cant stop thinking about this i cant concentrare at work, he is coming in 6 weeks. I told him i´m fine and i don´t need any closure, told him i´ve moved on, but i also told him i can meet him if he is the one that needs closure in any way, because after all he broke it up over the phone. Now i´m sitting here thinking i ****ed up, i shouldnt have answered, pls tell me what´s the best here, what is the better way to bring peace to my soul?
OneBigIdgit Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 totally NC unless you want to still be holding on to this pain when you are 50. meeting him now will undo any progress you have made. He is doing you a 'cruel favor' by offering to meet you for closure. Pass up this chance to put yourself back under his control. He is making it plain that he doesn't want a relationship. Don't offer him the chance to have you faint and fawn at the sight of him NC helps heal. NC is for you only. Let him take care of himself. Cut off any way that he might contact you and move on 1
Stercrazy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I wouldn't do it. It's over. Time has given closure. There is no real purpose in meeting. Blow him off. 1
FancyFace Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Your ex is incredibly selfish. So he doesnt want to give you closure, what he wants is to rid himself of the guilt for treating you horribly. What a prick. He has shown that he doesnt care about you but only about himself. Whatever he has is completely for his benefit only and nothing to do with you. Stop communicating with him. Don't respond to his emails, calls, smoke signals etc. Meeting up with him will only pull you back to square 1. All the feelings you thought you had worked through will come rushing back and knock you on your behind. The only closure you can get is the one you give yourself by accepting reality for exactly what it is. Then making moves towards self healing. No one can do it for you, only you can. So go back to NC and stay there until the Supremes reunite or King Jesus comes back, whichever comes first. 1
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